At the end of my session with my Vampire Therapist, I would say I felt better overall (hence the brilliant blue thumb of approval), but unable to achieve full mindfulness.

- Excellent VO performances. The voice talent carry this game.
- Authentic characters expressed through natural writing.
- Learn techniques to identify your own thought patterns!

- Shoddy mini-games. Biting game feels like filler. Meditation game has bad conveyance (what am I supposed to do?).
- The game is wrong about the "correct" Cognitive Distortion sometimes.
- The above point is not my Cognitive Distortion either. Yes, I need therapy, but not over this! Let's talk about YOUR mother instead and see how you like it!!
- Polish issues: Animation jitters. Script and VOs sometimes out of sync. Some outtakes still present in the wrong distortion choices.
- The writing hiccups when transitioning to the spot the distortion sections (Lots of "That's neat, but let's continue . . ." kind of breaks)
- Dialogue dips deeply into sappy, saccharine speeches - Summarily distracting (a lot alike abrupt alliteration).

- They run the "Americans can't handle sex" joke into the ground. Firstly, this game taught me that's an Over-generalization. Secondly, as a citizen of Californication and a weeb with a Hidive subscription, this joke fell particularly flat.

- Theater fans who enjoy passionate performances.
- Fans of stories featuring characters with strong personalities, alien perspectives and intriguing histories.
- Anyone who wants to dive into the thought patterns of ancient predators who could while away their immortality writing Hallmark greeting cards and fortune cookie affirmations.

Again, I want to stress that I liked this game, but I found myself constantly distracted. Sometimes those distractions came from without, via polish quirks and gameplay gaffs. Sometimes from within, via my fixation on writing that would cause my teeth to ache due to its sugary overtones. Perhaps a less curmudgeon-y, less finicky gamer would sink into this game's euphoric dialogues without feeling the sharp bite of dissonance prick them out of the moment.

If you're a cynical bastard like I am (Labeling, I know), or can't switch off the part of your brain that's always spotting bloopers and ruining the movie for you and your couch buddies (and you're not in my "Recommend To" category), this might be a pass for you. Anyone else still reading this will likely enjoy their exceptionally voiced therapy sessions (hopefully subsidized with one of those schmancy non-American health plans).

---

Now on the other hand, if you're all about those cynical bastard takes, or find something about my review style that speaks to you, check out my Curator Page.