"If life gives you lemonade- make lemons and life will be all like "whaaaaat?”
~Phil Dunphy, Modern Family, Season 4 Episode 2

"I don't have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape."
~Jeff Winger, Community, Season 1 Episode 21

"Now we're going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!"
~Michael, The Good Place, Season 2 Episode 10

"Gossip is the devil's telephone. Best to just hang up."
~Moira Rose, Schitt's Creek, Season 4 Episode 4

"Someday, if you have kids, and you get a virus and start killing people, you’ll appreciate how well your mother and I are doing."
~Joel Hammond, Santa Clarita Diet

"I put in my mouth apple cut with the blood and the garbage of murder knife?"
~Appa, Kim's Convenience Store, Season 4 Episode 12

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year."
~Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3 Episode 21

"We're all screwed up in one way or another. It sort of makes you normal."
~Tony Johnson, Afterlife

"You know what gives me nightmares? Our bank account. Stephen King should publish my checkbook."
~Jessica Huang, Fresh off the Boat, Season 1 Episode 3