Recent reviews by Mitch_Murder

Nothing like a good old sip of piss mixed with vodka to give you special powers to summon some ♥♥♥♥♥ ghost to cause people to shoot themselves, or to have the ability to burn the flesh right off your masturbation hand. BioShock Infinite has re-defined the meta in gameplay with these game-breaking new abilities that look exactly like that of any other ♥♥♥♥ game that came out a few years before. More about the gameplay includes shooting the founding fathers right in the face, and an awful half-assed plotline that makes references to Christianity and patriotism. They tried pulling a Sonic 06, which was arguably one of the worst video games of all time, but failed even against that dingle berry of a game. If you want textures that look like its a photo of the inside of a public toilet, and the subtlety of leading some ♥♥♥♥♥ hoe around for the entire game, then this kind of gameplay is straight up your alley. It should also be noted that the ♥♥♥♥ is unkillable, and therefore serves as nothing more than an immortal dispenser with a vagina.
The game itself is a very stripped back version of its predecessors, less plasmids/vigors, less guns, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ meaningless upgrades and boring-as-♥♥♥♥ combat. It can only be enjoyed being played on easy - otherwise killing the big guys becomes tedious, not because of improved AI, but because of increased HP; unsurprisingly though, when put on easy, the rest of the enemies become insultingly simple, just like Elizabeth. Also, that fight with Lady Comstock's ghost (Probably also Elizabeth) three times was easily the best part that ♥♥♥♥♥ all over Casual Souls.

WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE DLC'S??????????!!!!!!!!!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥' perfect from the beginning to the end! 10/10

The story starts off with the player as Isaac, an engineer sent to investigate and repair the Ishimura, the ship that the player will be jogging very slowly through for the rest of the game. Isaac and his crew, Zach Hammond (who DIES) and Kendra Daniels (who ALSO DIES), Johnston and Chen (who DIE), exit the wormhole in their ship the "Kellion" and see how badly the Ishimura was raped. The rape meter detects high levels of rape on the Ishimura and, like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, they decide to board the ship. Isaac is also there to find his ♥♥♥♥♥, Nicole Brennan (who WAS ALREADY DEAD). While traveling into the butthole of the Ishimura, the Kellion goes out of control and crashes into the docking bay.

After this event happens, Isaac, Zach, Kendra, Chen, and Johnston miraculously get out of the ship without any wounds. As they run into the lounge of the ship, the whole place turns into a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (as if it wasn't already) and all hell breaks loose. Isaac stands and watches through a window as his crew is attacked by creatures and Chen and Johnston are killed. Isaac has to run his unarmed ass out of there and go into an unstable elevator, then acquires a hideously overpowered futuristic staple gun that cuts most enemies into gory chunks in seconds. Later on, Isaac meets up with Unitologists who are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ insane over the Marker which caused all of the ♥♥♥♥ on the ship to happen in the first place. One of the Unitologists, Dr. Challus Mercer (♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DIES), releases his "prototype/hunter" to kill Isaac. This creature is a pain in the ass due to the fact that IT CANNOT DIE unless you KILL IT WITH FIRE. It follows Isaac around throughout the rest of the game until he finally arrives at the shuttle where it can be burned. During all this, Isaac is constantly annoyed by Kendra, Zach, and his imaginary girlfriend, Nicole.
Eventually, Kendra becomes a Jew and runs off with the marker so she can sell it to some other colony. Fortunately, you pull that slut back into the ship and fly down to the planet that the ship is orbiting. Isaac then plants the marker on the planet because his (DEAD DEAD DEAD) girlfriend told him to. Being the ♥♥♥♥♥ that she is, Kendra reveals to Isaac that Nicole had killed herself and all this time he's been hallucinating, as the Marker used her image to control him and bring itself back to the planet, where it turns out Isaac made a giant vagina monster wake up. Kendra gets eaten by it, the player kills it and escapes from the planet, the planet explodes, and Isaac is killed by his zombie girlfriend who inexplicably boarded the ship IT WAS A HALLUCINATION.
All in all, the entire ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing is pointless. You did not save a single soul, the monsters would have died of AIDS eventually, no one will know anything of what happened on that damned ship, and Isaac is still a tool who does whatever the ♥♥♥♥ people tell him to do DEAD ALIVE, SEQUEL ANNOUNCED.

This game is pure irony: story, dialogue, music, graphics... everything recalls the craziest clichés of the 80s.

Ultimate zombie survival simulator highly recommended!

Don't bother downloading this C-R-A-P

If you want a game with epic storyline, realistic fantasy world, cool fighting mechanism some soft porn scenes buy this game, but be warned you'll need a high end computer to run this ♥♥♥♥ on decent settings

Dumbest game i ever played

If you like games like Bioshock, first-person shooters with a nice story and powers/power-ups; you'll love this game!