我看待人生的态度就是它是游戏，开放世界游戏，体验感最重要，我来体验，伤心开心都是这个躯体的“我”选择去要了这样一种体验。也许哪天一言不合我就rage-quit了！但我又没那么unhooked，所以总想存个档保存！

打PVP很容易rage-quit吧，我就连打BG3都有时和卡萝小姐会气的不想打啦！我想起之前我说多宝，她看着那么软，但就是爱玩那些很难的游戏，好胜心极强，我就直觉觉得她是Slytherin！大概像是Shader玩文明爱好和平，除非没得选，大多时候都没得选

说来我写河豚童话集的契机是因为和Shader的留言，择日不如撞日建了组拿来存档的契机是因为Nineveh说想我把评论写过去留作纪念。哎呀都是你们！可真是太圆啦！！

长大后重新看我就突然理解了，男二最大的纠结点就是他向往柏拉图的感情，他不能接受男同也要doi，这与作者成书时的时代背景有关。但是我从中也直觉捕捉到了一些人类本质的东西，就是这个男二不能面对真实的人性。我一想这可太适合我写童话拿来做metaphor了……you know

写完的时候我还给小野科普了这本书，反正最后写出来就是懂的几个人都懂了，不懂的我就说我写的就是个童话呗！！

这本书结局的那句话非常让我印象深刻，说男主翻进男二的窗子去和他讲我和男三在一起了，后来他走了，留下一地月见草的花瓣。而男二要处理公务，“还得想方设法向妻子隐瞒真相”。我14岁的时候其实完全不懂为啥男二突然就变成了个直男！好多东西我都看不明白，但我觉得小孩就是润物无声的，人就是可以在很早期的时候直觉捕捉到一些美感和人类情感的共通之处的！

我也很喜欢改编自《复活》的那一篇，最近我和二哈提起时，他会说他现在再回过头来看这篇突然能觉得非常懂，我总有一种很先兆性的预知！大多数隐喻的投射最后好像都实现了

写的最用心的是改编自《莫瑞斯》的那一篇，我觉得这两篇的整个格调都跟其他的不太一样，毕竟选取的蓝本十分不同😏《莫瑞斯》是我初中时逐渐在探索和觉醒自我的性取向时十分喜欢的一本书，我14岁时读的它。这个故事简单来说就是男主是中产，男二是贵族，俩人都是剑桥大学高材生。男主被学长男二引导走上了gay的道路，但男二毕业后突然变成直男娶了个贵族小姐甩了他，后来遇到了peasant男三不顾一切地爱男主，最终俩人打破一些身份地位在一起。

哎呀Shader真是太好啦你还帮着朋友们保存！！我也会，毕竟Sbeam转瞬即逝！留言板是个好东西hhhh

我开始写河豚童话的契机还是当初给Shader写我那些毫无预兆、突如其来、跟随直觉、公开但又躲在外语里加密一层的英文留言！看到你的回复之后我就写了第一篇基于Cupid和Psyche的河豚童话。我初高中时就喜欢把各种名著很魔性地rewrite一遍！就好像我从初高中起三次元里最爱做的事情也就是cosplay我的朋友们似的某种程度上来说我确实很统一，好像能量场一直在动，却好像在整个时间线上永远收束成一个从不变动！于是后来觉得我可以多写点！至于角色的变动嘛，就跟潮汐一样www

那我再放上另一首说不定Shader也会喜欢，我妈是很喜欢邓丽君、蔡琴的，其实蔡琴的歌我也就喜欢这俩，但当我妈听到我在听蔡琴时，震惊不亚于你得知我打DOTA不用鼠标垫

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph4l5IyNAIw&list=RDPh4l5IyNAIw&start_radio=1

DoTa主要是我鼠标大部分操作，都集中在屏幕中心舆上下两边相切的一个大圆吧，不像CS要甩枪、转向，大幅抡鼠标的，所以没鼠标垫我也玩好好

但其实我觉得我应该也能不用鼠标垫玩CS

第一次听这歌的时候，是《无间道》看来的，我就是从那部电影喜欢上梁朝伟，又从梁朝伟喜欢上王家卫

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0T4QLmZ82A&list=RDY0T4QLmZ82A&start_radio=1

但是歹熊表示不喜欢梁朝伟，欣赏不来，还说他下巴像PvZ里的窝瓜，我真是服嘞

我现在都不打CSGO了，我给想自己的缘故是——我没在用鼠标垫，但我没鼠标垫却DOTA打好好的

从小绿那顺去仓鼠这，于是干脆也顺来发给Shader这首！！！高中时可喜欢放牛班里的法语童声合唱了！

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PByeGOJZy2E

我昨天想起来这个事，感觉要存档Nineveh说“留作纪念”的话成了我昨天开个组的契机（虽然我自己给自己的一切全部都有存档，但对别人就觉得只留在当下这一刻的圆分就够了，也许也可以拿出来一点给别人留作纪念吧！）我就觉得那不如写个墓志铭吧，所以这里就是Totentanz，是一个河豚虽然一事无成就短命，但是死前还存了个档！哦耶！

Totentanz是我高中时热爱装13时非常喜欢拿来装的李斯特的曲子！我高中时最爱的就是李斯特，因为适合装！！！最喜欢的还是贝多芬，感觉随着年龄增长口味变的越宽越广了！

昨天给Nineveh的评测去写评论的时候突然就想起来了我从小对死亡的那种不避讳，想起了11岁时用死和我妈打趣她很生气，让我觉得好像真心被错付。在我18岁时他们又说父母因孩子才成为父母，与孩子同岁，也会成长和犯错，希望过往做的不好的一切能得到我的原谅和宽恕。后来我大学时，20岁时上人格心理学的课，写墓志铭的那个作业，我不仅写墓志铭，给自己P遗照，还做了个赛博灵堂和葬礼出来让我爸妈点击参加！墓志铭我写了首诗，忘了写的是啥了，大意是说我这一生一事无成还短命！那个时候我妈就笑着说哎呀真吓人，但是这作业挺好的！

It’s funny yesterday that I told the puppy that I’d put all my Pufferfish Fairy Tales archives together in the group! We started talking about lots of details of AC, since everything that really happened is still real after all. The puppy said she couldn’t remember any of those past related to AC and was amazed at how good my memory is. I said, “That’s just my normal memory, and of course I remember!”

Then I dug up a few hilarious old screenshots. The puppy said, “Oh my god, I totally forgot! I really do forget so many things. Looking back at those moments now, that AC sure was so flat!”

I said, “That’s because your memory of anyone other than me is too blurry!” She said, “It’s because everyone else hides their true heart, that’s why I forget them, but not the pufferfish!”

感谢通过~同在狒狒十四库啵区，在隔壁的白金幻象，不过最近也是究极长草期中....可能上线就跑跑主线（其实刚脱芽不久）或者陪朋友打打zc，有机会未来可以一起玩

哇这个 ↓↓ 《拭尘忆往》让我想到了《冲就完事》

冲还出2嘞，不出意外我是不会碰2的！虽然很解压！！但是肝，好肝！！！我很喜欢第一部里洗洗摩托车、高尔夫球车那样的小东西

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1290000/_/

所以对这个清洁小玩意的游戏也蛮有兴趣，但看样子它还加入了剧情，呃，我倒是只想把小物件擦得锃亮，闪闪发光，像歌剧魅影女演员的眼睛一样就好

Today I made my own rambling group too! Although I usually post most things publicly and keep my own archive, it still feels nice to have a space like this. I even opened a dedicated channel to collect all my Pufferfish Fairy Tales. I remember every single one of them, but seeing them all together now, the changes in the main characters are really obvious, lmao! Or I should say, some were ruled out, some never changed, just like tides and flows

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2891020/Undusted_Letters_from_the_Past/

我前些天把这个游戏送给了茶仔！一看就觉得茶仔会喜欢，也许Shader或者Nineveh也会喜欢！！

那祝Faker打的顺利！！！！

我刚一搜明凯meme就找到了那张歹熊图！我发给了我那个朋友，她说她现在看到明凯还有PTSD

就是禁止对方的河豚变圆这样呗！

哦这么听起来很有意思！！感觉是心理博弈诶，就像下棋一样！以及Faker看来真的很厉害

你好shader，感谢邀请~

看Shader的潮汐之塔里的memo颇有一种我说的，没玩过的游戏别人全剧透给我也像看天书的感觉！笑死，真的是不玩PVP啊！都是听我那个朋友讲很多，反正她爱搞电竞，我吃过的瓜全是跟着她吃的，记得什么明凯的！

为啥当年那个为什么不ban猛犸是个超级让人破防的梗🤔

昨天我去我朋友家蹭饭，她在看LOL的那个比赛！她以前是推姐多和Viko，后来二道沟的全走了，我昨天就只看到了Viper我认得！然后她和我讲吧今年有个队挺厉害的，说有啥GN（？）还有IG，T1啥的，应该是叫这些名吧！她就和我说那个就是Faker在的队，我说我知道Faker，我记得Steam上的小伙伴喜欢

Shader你好呀～感谢邀请～祝你游戏愉快！

我昨天也看到了潮汐塔！好赞的名字！

Shader盖起潮汐塔咯

来分享一首晚上散步时听的曲子，走在没什么人的街旁，影子被路灯越拖越长

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00wK6Yywhx0&list=RD00wK6Yywhx0&start_radio=1

但我跟Midori科普了一些有的没的之后，兜兜转转又回到了，飞鞋点金上，即便是现在的我，也很难清晰地表述，为什么飞鞋点金好，但是直接出飞鞋点金并不好，我给的建言就只是很宽泛地，飞鞋等大后期再说，点金如果对线劣了再说

回想起来，当初带我入坑DOTA的人，在那个还不是全英雄都有A杖的版本，跟我说，你就裸点金然后出刃甲，剩下自己看着办；现在看来，每当想起这出装就会笑着说好毒瘤

啊好久没看到Shader打DOTA了，最近Midori也玩起了DOTA，难道它近期成嘞加拿大的国民项目

Shader会玩BG3或是DOS2这样的游戏吗，好奇！

咦，是这样吗，我还以为越是树多，才越有在树杈间蹦来蹦去，一脚踩空的倒霉蛋嘞

我翻剪辑的时候找着这句regrettable啦

https://cdn.steamusercontent.com/ugc/16867118448483026587/99B5D366B8D95C67DFAC3749DA25E6A10ABBF3B2/

不过我发现职业选手也基本都是开局glhf的时候发发轮盘，中期都不发轮盘的，越不吭声的越厉害

我知道，是双关！我取暖全靠电脑散热，虽然听着很浮夸，不过房间小，效果很好！

给Shader发一首这个歌！！！也是剪CP神曲

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qj8DYmPCcQ&list=RD5Qj8DYmPCcQ&start_radio=1

So, if you ask how I’m doing now? Of course I still can’t accept it!!!

I still want everything I love! I still want a perfectly in-sync soulmate! Because the person I love most in this world is still myself! I just phrase it more philosophically now!

I’m still learning, still practicing, still bound by Earth’s gravity and my human shell. But what’s changed is, after Psyche and Hypnos, I’ve truly experienced that contrast: when something looks impossible yet feels effortless, versus when something looks easy but feels exhausting. It’s hard to describe, but I think only those who’ve lived it would understand.

Just like I'm in ballet, it’s always hard, but the exhaustion never feels like exhaustion!

My core belief is simple: my partner has to be a soulmate, a bf or gf should be a friend even greater than all my other friends. Otherwise the relationship feels purely transactional. I reject the kind of companionship most humans seem to maintain, where they live together without even knowing why.

So whether I’m the one retreating or the one clinging, the core pattern is the same: I can’t accept a partner who isn’t 100% in tune with me. If they can’t fulfill me, I find someone else and call it “freedom.” Yet I hope I can fulfill them, I expect to be their top priority.

And all of it comes from the same root, that wanting to control everything I don’t like.

From my own experience, sometimes in relationships I’m the one who retreats—wanting to disappear completely from the other’s sight. Other times I’m the one who advances—wanting to trap the other person in a suffocating bubble. Usually it’s because there’s something in the other person I deeply dislike, something I can’t accept. To be with them, I’d have to face that thing, but I don’t want to. So I either avoid it, or try to isolate both of us in a small, controllable world. That “something” often points back to the self, to regret, resentment, or an aspect of myself I can’t stand. Sometimes it’s a real external quality, but it shows up in someone I like, and I can’t let them go. Either way, dislike are all the same "dislike", hatred and love are twins.

That’s what I meant about control. What I sensed from them was a strong need to control, born not from malice, but from attachment. Control isn’t just about manipulating others, it’s an attitude toward life. Avoiding, overanalyzing, constantly fixing—these are all attempts to manage the uncontrollable. It’s human instinct, but too much of it leads to distortion. That’s why, for me, if you still feel the need to build bridges and fix things, it’s already don't feel right. The only thing to do is let go. Once people detach, they begin to see clearly. Energy returns to its natural flow, and the future reopens with infinite possibilities.

In the end, these tiny details reveal how micro-level moments reflect the macro patterns of human nature. That Central AC was the same——everything they did sounded perfectly reasonable in words and logic, yet still felt unbearable. So before Hypnos and I cleared things up, they said they were afraid that if they didn’t do something, our connection would turn into what I had with that AC.

I said: “Or maybe it’s just the same situation again, we’re simply incompatible.”

No one’s wrong, but our information frequencies don’t match. Even chatting casually becomes draining. Personality models like MBTI can’t explain everything, but they do offer a more detached way to empathize.

Actually, from the very beginning, I’d already made my stance clear. Hypnos once said that trying to understand me was something very personal for them——that it’s an experience they find fascinating. I told them that’s the one kind of attention I can’t handle. Though interestingly enough, it also means they like me, so there are possibilities for everything in the universe. (Or to put it bluntly it’s like a guy playing a galgame, trying to ‘unlock’ the heroine. That was my first thought; I just didn’t say it out loud!)

Like yesterday I posted something about Skyrim, mentioning Cicero and how I can’t stand that kind of inner division, that sense of not belonging to light. Later I realized, it's similar to my connection with Hypnos. The god of sleep after all lives alone in a hidden cave, unreachable. And of course, Hypnos would take out their magnifying glass, DM me, and say: “Your piece on Skyrim was excellent, I could see the metaphor about your inner self.” Do you know how annoying that is? 😂

One day I finally gave them an ultimatum: “I hate when you DM me about my public posts just to say ‘Nice writing.’” (And I know exactly why they do it, I just never bothered to say it. When I finally said so, they started explaining themselves. I said: you think I didn’t already know?) They replied, “Think of it like this: you’re a bard performing, and I just happened to pass by.”
I said, “You didn’t pass by! You stopped the bard mid-performance to compliment them!”

That’s actually one of the exhausting things about interacting with Hypnos. As I’ve said, they’re always dissecting frogs, and that’s frustrating. But now that we’ve finally spoken honestly and let go, I see something more clearly: their focus has always been entirely on me. It’s like they hold a magnifying glass over everything I say. Whatever I talk about, the center of gravity is always me. It’s the same logic as when they say they want to keep it simple, let it just between us. For them the interesting part is always the process of understanding me.

I once said to them, “Can’t you just read what I write and simply laugh for it’s funny?”

You reminded me of something I once said that at first, I wondered for someone as gentle as you, why are your favorite games always those that feel like fierce battles on the field? Yet someone like me who’s not gentle at all, almost never plays PvP lmao! Because I know I’m terrible at it, I can’t win, lol! Still I love fighting and combat in games, it gets my blood boiling! Some people even install mods that turn all the Draugr in Skyrim into cute anime girls, lmao.

When I write anything, letters, stories, even random status, it’s always spontaneous, never intentional. Things just flow out naturally and take shape by themselves. I often start intending to write one or two lines, and somehow it becomes an entire essay. Later when I reread what I wrote from a detached perspective, I realize how they all connect, full of hidden metaphors and reflections.

Thank you for your reply and your blessings!

This morning I woke up in bright natural light, doing my photosynthesis under the sun! It’s such a beautiful day! All thanks to the puppy fairy who visited the farm at midnight and made all the Fugu in the fields round again! That’s the power of the Round Universe!

I think Alina’s interview was deeply enlightening. Let go is such a powerful answer, and so is grateful. For me the greatest talent in ballet is simply to have no shame, lmao! To dare to dance, and to have arms and legs! What they look like doesn’t really matter. You have them is already great! There are plenty of people in this world who don’t!

早啊！！！长出来咯！！！！！！今天是晴天！！！哦耶！！！

仓鼠过冬的时候啊，我都会给窝里塞棉花絮，比木屑暖和多，但就是要换得更频繁嘞，我倒是不介意麻烦，但它不愿意别人三天两头倒腾自己的窝，尤其是把各种东西藏在窝里，换棉絮的时候会一并被我清理

V社小气鬼！我才想起来被回收的另一句是That was regrettable. 这两句我都超喜欢用来着！

原来烟囱已经堵上了，那就不会像动画片中那样，不用的时候顺着烟囱掉下来个倒霉的小松鼠，小浣熊之类的嘞

哇那很梦幻诶！！！我一直觉得，烟囱、浴缸、密室等，是史诗级的家装！

哦周末了正好！给Shader分享这个吧！！我们这最近都是阴雨天超级冷！下雨了小河豚扁在地里长不出来！！据说明天阳光灿烂！！希望你和Nineveh那里有温暖的火炉！

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkpdJ4abXCE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfvWXtwUfGQ&t=660s