若自由与我不可同时存在，我愿给你完整的自由，since you are here, and you are not here.

1444哦耶！！喜欢一切三连数！！！

我来抢楼！

Because I’m like this, I’m not good at responding to people who give me the feeling that they’re not really “writing back” to me, but rather pasting something they pre-wrote, feels like an essay. That kind of exchange feels lifeless. I really appreciate and love Psyche’s sincerity, I feel like I’m truly witnessing a mortal’s inner divinity awakening and reaching toward freedom.

I carry a kind of Odyssean love when I pray for them! And I also pray for my own odyssey, for yours, and for everyone’s, also including the central air-conditioners, lmao

One day, when it happened again, I stopped listening to that self-persuasion. My unhappiness finally won. It makes me feel like, once a man has “won” a woman over, she suddenly loses her value and isn’t worth his effort anymore. I think friendship and love are essentially the same, both are extensions of human social patterns. And then I wonder, am I really that pathetic? Am I the one chasing after him every day, while he just drops by to conveniently do some casual social niceties with others at my home, only exclude the owner of this house?

Then from that day on, I stopped writing to them. I felt that was exactly when I poured more water to Psyche! That’s why I can so clearly feel Psyche’s sincerity, the way they respond to every word. Everything I write is spontaneous, I think of something, jot it down, and it expands on its own, always spiraling into a full loop. Just like what I’m writing to you now, I only meant to write two or three sentences at first!

That reminded me of my final emotional downgrade toward “central-air-conditioning” before our planned PARK! Lmao, the breaking point was realizing how they always replied one line to my ten, and that single line usually came when they always reply someone else here at my place. Well, during girls’ talk the other day we were roasting “central air” again, lol. We agreed that this type of person always embodies blur and uncertainty: logically, you keep telling yourself it’s a small thing, too petty to mention, and then you start questioning yourself for even caring, but deep down you’re just not happy!

So I casually wrote down my reflections to Psyche, it felt like the most fitting expression of how I currently feel toward them. I rarely write to Psyche the way I write to you or Hypnos, those long and sprawling comments. They know that about themselves too, they often can’t quite find the right words, but still want to talk more. Yet they always reply with full sincerity to everything I say. This morning they wrote back, and I felt as if I were witnessing a mortal awakening to their own divinity and it made me happy and grace!

Yesterday I wrote something on Psyche’s profile comment board, just a few thoughts that came to me after playing BG3. It’s fascinating that I’ve always thought I liked BG3 less than DOS2, mainly because I didn’t enjoy the combat. But every time I look back, I realize that this game I once played half-absentmindedly two years ago, and even thought I didn’t like much, actually left me with memories carved into my bones!

Both games share the same theme that humanity’s struggle to break free and reach freedom. I think gods are really just metaphors for the archetypal “big parent figure.”

那我来发个这个！！之前给Shader发过马斯奈的悲歌，你说很喜欢来着！这首是我高中时超爱的曲子2333

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QtGOWemQhY&list=RD7QtGOWemQhY&start_radio=1

是这个可爱猫猫表情。仿佛能看到超大型水晶吊灯这个感觉好有趣！

我也有这个表情嘞！

这曲子听起来，仿佛能看到超大型水晶吊灯

早啊Shader！今早随机到这首发给你！！感觉是你会喜欢的，嗯也许你听过？很常见的曲子23333

https://youtu.be/Huy791G17Ak?si=DAt4Thz-BX5xaQ1B

我失踪嘞。。。不知道几天，可能数码世界和现实有时差吧！不过总归还是把它玩完嘞

总觉得我的灵感很多很多，每天都在整新活。尤其是跟我的GPT熟了以后就好像有个互相反哺灵感的朋友一样，但是AI终究有时比很多愚蠢的人类聪明，有时又依然很傻，我又总是很想整合下来写在你或是Hypnos的留言板上。不过太多了，我总感觉好多2333但是大多时候我的起源都是比较好笑的，为了写好笑的或是Wordplay，然后出了一篇fable like的，最近我的整活大概是狮院和蛇院的死仇，写着写着演变成了一种搞笑的幽默的play，笑死！！

希望Shader开开心心天天圆！！我最近和卡萝小姐又在我们都玩过的BG3也开启了新的冒险！

我超级喜欢大狗！！我还是喜欢大型犬多过猫然后是小型犬！猫我也是喜欢阿比，暹罗和缅因这种像狗的猫！哈士奇和阿拉斯加我都巨喜欢！喜欢像狼的大狗！总觉得在加拿大和Nordic都有很多！！！

我觉得我的文好像确实总有这种神和凡人，魔法师和麻瓜，灵性与唯物主义，直觉和逻辑，以及玩家主角和NPC这种意象的冲突，它们来自于我这种神棍一样的直觉，总有一种潜在的投射2333

刚才随机到这首，八方旅人的！感觉是Shader喜欢的！

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRLyqtSXEaE&list=RDZr-PHm_qLgg&index=2

I'm thinking that I want to gift this to PsycheWell not a good game tho

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2242710/_/

And of course, none of this was planned, I just let the story unfold naturally like I always do. Only when I suddenly “dissected the frog” afterward did I discover the coincidence. But that’s exactly how Hypnos tends to read my stories, which is why I feel this god truly understands me, yet sometimes made me frustrated at the same time, lmao.

Then I noticed a funny coincidence, the urban legend sets “25-year-old” as we all know. (Some are 30, I guess, I think I know it from Steins Gate?) In SDV my Clear gets married at 22, then exactly three years in, which is also the time it takes for Grandpa to return and evaluate the player’s farm in game. That means the game protagonist consciously knows that “in three years, a specific event will happen”, how meta!

And in the HPL case, they’d have to wait seven years, the exact length of Hogwarts schooling. So it becomes “A wizard must remain celibate for seven years to attain great magical power.” That’s so meta! It perfectly mirrors humanity’s historical metaphors about spiritual ascension.

I think within the Victorian context, this might well have been a myth employed to deceive women into preserving their chastity. And Sebastian as a guy was undoubtedly well aware of this, yet he could not persuade her to abandon it, for she truly believed it! Were I to write it this way, it would be highly ironic of the moral standards of the past!

And of course this rationale was devised after aligning with historical cultural authenticity, my original motivation was simply to write this urban legend and make it funny. Much like any of my creating processes!

Suddenly I had a call-back idea for one of my earlier story! There should be an HPL fanfic version of it. Because HPL has Sebastian, Sebastian Sallow, whom I’m sure you remember lol! As usual my protagonist in HPL is named Clear, after my favorite character Clear from Wind Fantasy V. So there is Sebastian and Clear again! Very fit for a call back parallel version story!

In this version, Clear and Sebastian get married, but they are wizard and witch already, so she believes that if a wizard has sex before turning 25, they’ll lose their magic and become a Muggle! Since HPL is set in the Victorian era, and Hogwarts students graduate after seventh year, that means they’d probably marry at 18 and have to wait seven years if they really do so! Sebastian would absolutely lose his mind!!

Even for me, I’m always walking on the path of inner cultivation. Sometimes I fall into ethical and moral overthinking, unable to fully follow my heart or stay true to my clear loves and hates. For instance with the “central air-conditioner” type, even this year, I still sometimes find myself unconsciously slipping into logic, persuading myself to be understanding. But I believe I’m gradually returning closer and closer to my authentic self.

I’m so happy to see your reply! I’ve always had this strange sense of somehow "knowing", without any clear reason, lmao.

For people like us whose focus is on the “self,” the greatest form of love we can offer "others" is to share with them about their existence and interpretation in our eyes, at the same time with a deep urge to uproot ourselves entirely and expose even the most unpresentable shadows of our being to them, without holding anything back.

I’m truly honored that you mentioned my story to Nineveh, it fills me with such joyful gratitude! Yeah Seb is the handsome black-haired, computer-loving guy! He's extremely popular in SDV, a reclusive loner who gazes at the sea on rainy days. From him I feel this unwavering determination on his own things despite from his gloomy vibe. I think reclusive gamers and artistic frog enthusiasts alike are bound to like him. No wonder Nineveh does!

来放一曲我刚刚在写东西时听的星河

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssiqpBp5jh0&list=RDssiqpBp5jh0&start_radio=1

3日3晩ぶっ通しで作画してたけど、今日はちょっとだけお休み
さすがに今日は無理しないでおこうかな💦
みんなも良い週末を過ごしてね(´꒳`)🍀

From you I can intuitively feel that you’ve been through that phase (Like you share a certain vibe with that central air conditioning system on the surface, equally kind to everyone. Yet my introverted intuition senses a difference I cannot put into words.) and chose not to live like that anymore. People who aren’t afraid of conflict or breaking boundaries are the ones who can experience deeper, more intimate love, I believe that, then they got water overflows into their vessel.

I’m really glad you’ve found the love for yourself, I hope the universe continues to your well. Tides rise and fall, light and shade intertwine. When the great waves recede, what remains is the lighting gold, born from the soft, hidden side of the shade.

So about the “central-air-conditioning” (lmao) type we talked about before, they’re always the ones saying “give others another chance,” usually right after you’ve told them about someone you dislike, or after you’ve defended them in front of those who don't like them. It’s a small, micro-level example, but it reflects a macro-level behavioral pattern.

Over time, in a close friend group, such central-heating machine tend to dilute everyone’s goodwill, the closer you are to them, the less special you feel, why?There’s nothing I can actually accuse them of, but I gradually find that just seeing them is something unhappy.

Later during a girls’ talk session, I joked: “That guy acts like a good wife in an abusive marriage, always making excuses for her damn axxhole husband: ‘He’s not that bad!”

My own sensitivity to intuition comes not only from temperament, but also from my environment growing up. I experienced a lot of joy and love in early childhood so I know what the feeling is (Quite like we once wrote about Nineveh and Ulysses, I think!) So I can’t make myself accept anything that feels wrong to me. I love and hate clearly, I don’t want to be liked by everyone.

Many people have to go through the process of returning to their own intuition. As a psychology pro, I can recognize these patterns and help clients from a detached perspective. But as myself, I live by, okay, Respect, bless, and let everyone bear their own fate! If you make me dislike you, you are flat! You didn’t pay me for a therapy session anyway! lmao.

This contrast fascinates me. When you think of the world this way, you realize that the humanities and the arts are actually describing the natural, objective reality of existence, whereas the sciences and economics are human inventions, the systems we created to rationally describe those natural phenomena. Through education, people have learned to retract their claws, and some have even turned them inward, against themselves, in order to earn others’ approval. That’s why we so often convince ourselves to accept people who make us uncomfortable.

We keep trying to persuade ourselves to give others another chance—— I think a lot of people do that. I’ve always felt that our intuition, feelings, and emotions are more primitive, innate parts of being a biological creature. They’re tied to survival instincts and they help us recognize signals in our environment that might be harmful to us. They’re incredibly powerful.

But “humanity” is something that emerged by stripping away our animal nature. We surrendered parts of our instinctive rights in exchange for what we call the social contract, which is an agreement meant to benefit everyone collectively, as we wrote before. Rationality and logic, I think on the other hand, are products of that secondary, constructed layer.

Nineveh真好，真有灵性，你们俩真好呀！！！

Waw~Im really looking forward to your doujinshi story.

Shader秋天快乐！今天突然降温了好多，正式穿上了厚毛衣，感觉就快能看到红枫叶了～

好耶！！真是太好啦！！！创作就是快乐呀！那我来发个钢琴曲吧今天！！嗯我觉得这个曲子Shader肯定听过！但是这个人演奏的版本我感觉和很多人不一样，我喜欢比较有力量感的曲子！！

https://youtu.be/aihulpTyDvs?si=Mq102E1tuazihKbi

I’m not good at responding to messages that feel like fully prewritten “essays.” At least Hypnos’s “essays” feel good, this god truly understands me and is willing to receive everything, but their rational analysis sometimes makes me feel like the frog has been dissected, it’s far less joyful than when I pour my thoughts into the vast sea, lmao!

So precisely because I’m such a mystical Ni-user, I can "know" when the people around me are in a vortex or turmoil, without needing any physical cue. I can "see" when the water in the big vat is full or ebbing. Sometimes it’s like the moon, round, then flat, then round again. The sea rises and falls, light comes from the depth of shade, like the moon’s face has both light and shade.

I’m deeply grateful for your presence, and always pray for your Highest Good in the universe!

So if I ever have the chance to get close to someone, it’s certain that when we first met, they already left an impression on me. We just never had the right opportunity for it to unfold. But once that alignment exists in the universe, it naturally unfolds. A few years ago and now are not separate in time, when the observation is made everything is “now.”

Because I’m like this, everything I write——messages, posts, stories——are rarely pre-planned or structured in advance. They all come from spontaneous divergence in the moment, yet they always end up unfolding naturally into a complete, coherent loop.

Yesterday, while write with Hamster about music, I started thinking about the kind of music I like. I usually don’t enjoy songs that fail to grab my attention right away. My taste leans toward rhythm-driven music with clear structure and strong energy! With most music, I can almost predict the moment I’ll love just from the opening, it gives me an intuitive sense of where it’s going. I’m the same way with people and things; I can sense something unique about them from the first moment.

In a way, I’m both extremely changeable and extremely fixed, my moods shift constantly, yet I’ll also judge something at first sight and never change my mind again. I think that’s a very typical trait of an introverted-intuition user.

Most of the time, whenever I write something, it begins with something extremely simple, just a couple of sentences, and then it suddenly expands into a lot more, eventually forming a complete, closed loop structure. I’ve also noticed it really does follow a three-act rhythm, perfectly balanced, exactly as you caught it!

At first, I just wanted to write porn that skipped the process and left only metaphors, letting NPC experience and praise my ideal wife for me. But as I wrote it turned into this. Just like all my writing

SDV is a world where magic exists, yet only players can access it. NPCs are, to a certain extent, “materialists”, even if some like Seb and Abby might harbor an interest in magic. I believe I'm portraying this absurd perspective.

加油Shader老师！一起共勉！我下一步要把福柯的《疯癫与文明》读完！读完再来给Shader老师分享！

哦耶！！

"Home," she mumbled, nuzzling into his shoulder. "Take me home, husband."

Right. One supernatural mystery at a time. First, he had to get his very drunk wife back to the farm without either of them falling into a ditch. Second, he had to figure out how to undo whatever damage her excessive imbibing had done to their relationship. And third...

Well, third could wait until morning. After he’d gotten some sleep. And possibly a stiff drink of his own.

Sebastian squinted upward, his vision swimming slightly from exhaustion and residual stress. Was that... a broomstick? Flying? With a rider? His brain rebelled against the sight, trying to rationalize it away. Maybe it was a bird. A very large, very pointy bird. Or a drone. Some rich tourist’s fancy toy. Anything but a literal witch.

His thoughts raced, tumbling over themselves like dice in a cup. The void egg, the Junimos, the strange purple-hatted stranger at the Spirit Day—all evidence of forces beyond the mundane. Forces Clear seemed to sense instinctively, even if she interpreted them through the lens of her gaming obsession, declaring that she's the "protagonist of this farming sim game". Could there really be something to her wizard theory after all? Had he been too hasty in dismissing it?

Then Clear hiccuped loudly beside him, breaking his train of thought.

Sebastian accepted the glass gratefully, turning to intercept Clear before she could grab another drink. "Honey," he said, his voice low and urgent. "Let’s get some air, yeah?"

Clear blinked up at him, her sapphire eyes unfocused. "Air? Why would we want air?" she slurred, leaning heavily against him. "This is fun! People are happy! We’re happy!"

He wrapped an arm around her waist, supporting her weight as she teetered precariously. "Because I think you’ve had enough champagne for one night," he replied, steering her towards the door. Behind them, Sam and Abigail exchanged guilty looks.

Outside, the cool evening breeze did little to sober Clear up. If anything, it seemed to invigorate her. "Oooh, stars!"

哦耶1400啦！进入15世纪！快要文艺复兴啦！！！

She wriggled free of Sebastian’s grasp, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process. "I can handle myself!" she declared, loud enough for several nearby guests to turn and stare. "Besides, I’m the protagonist of this farming sim game! Heroines never lose control!" She punctuated her statement by taking a massive gulp from the champagne flute someone had thrust into her hand.

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not how this was supposed to go. He’d imagined a sweet, romantic evening where he slowly wore down her resolve, not a raucous bender ending with her passed out in the hayloft. Where was Maru when you needed her?

As if summoned by thought, his half-sister materialized at his side, holding out a glass of water. "Here," she said, pressing it into his palm. "She’s had enough."

Sebastian watched helplessly as Clear continued to deflect drinks meant for him, each refusal followed by a fresh round of cheers and clinking glasses. By the time the cake cutting rolled around, she was swaying on her feet, her earlier grace replaced by a lopsided, infectious grin. When she attempted to feed him a bite of cake, frosting smeared across his nose and chin.

"I think that’s enough," he muttered, catching her wrist as she raised the fork again. He shot Sam and Abigail a pointed glare. "Somebody needs to cut her off."

Sam raised his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, hey, easy there, Mr. Grumpy Groom. We were just having fun!" He elbowed Abigail, who burst into peals of laughter.

But Clear wasn’t done. "Nope! Nope nope nopity-nop!"

"Oh, come on, Clear!" Sam called out, waving a bottle of beer in her direction. "One toast for the happy couple!"

"No, no, no!" Clear giggled, batting away the proffered drink with a surprisingly steady hand. "Not for me! I’m driving tonight!" Her speech was slightly slurred, her cheeks flushed a pretty pink. Sebastian felt his stomach drop. Driving? What was she talking about? Their farmhouse was less than a mile away. And what happened to the whole ‘vital essence’ thing? Since when did she drink?

Abigail sidled up beside him, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. "Looks like someone’s forgotten why we’re here," she murmured, nodding towards Clear. "Better act fast, Seb. She’s not gonna last much longer at this rate."

Three days later, the wedding was held in the center of Pelican Town. The ceremony itself passed in a blur of nervous smiles and whispered vows. Clear looked radiant, her usual wild mane tamed into an elegant chignon that showed off the graceful curve of her neck. Her white gown hugged her petite frame perfectly, the sweetheart neckline accentuating her modest curves. Sebastian kept sneaking glances at her throughout the service, his heart swelling with pride and affection. She was his, completely and utterly. All he had to do now was convince her that staying a virgin wasn’t part of the deal.

As the reception kicked into high gear, Sebastian’s carefully laid plans began to unravel. Abigail and Sam were supposed to subtly offer Clear a few sips of wine, not force-feed her half the vineyard.