I wanted to give you something, something you could see every day, use, and that would be useful to you. Personally, I would give you the world and all the planets orbiting the Sun, but I realized you needed a new pair of glasses since yours were terrible. You could barely see with them. You didn’t see how much I loved you, how much I wanted you… Not in a carnal way, but I just wanted you close. Your voice, your scent, your presence were enough to make my heart race.

You made me miss you every single day we were apart. It was so much anguish and agony that I felt like drowning.

Anyway, the glasses broke, just like the mouse I gave you on your second birthday. Both were lost... along with our love. So, Violet, I wonder: did you care? Did you love the gifts I gave you? Did you appreciate my presence, my love for you? Did you notice the anguish, the pain, the melancholy, the loneliness you left when you disappeared for days, weeks, months?

Your only gift to me was... nothing. Nothing but absence.


Gnossiennes [open.spotify.com] you poison [open.spotify.com] ( my playlists /ᐠ｡‸｡ᐟ\ )

You left like a breeze that promised to return but never did. Every sound is an echo of your absence, a whisper of what we once were. And while time, once my refuge, is now just an empty mirror reflecting the space you left, the cold grows inside me like a dark warning.

It’s not the darkness that terrifies me, but what it hides. The void grows, swallowing even memories. Fear clings to my chest, choking any hope of escape. Each thought is a tight knot of anguish, a constant struggle for air that never seems to arrive. I try to escape, but the invisible hands of my pain hold me tightly.

Your traces still inhabit every corner of my world, and yet, you slip through my heart’s fingers. I cling to the memories — the sound of your laugh, the touch of your presence. But it’s a losing battle because attachment only prolongs the wound that never stops bleeding.

The pain cuts like a sharp blade, making space for the void to settle in. The world moves on, but I’ve stopped, trapped in an endless twilight where the colors have faded and the melody of life lost its tune. Everything is gray, soft, but immensely heavy, like rain that never ends.

Your absence is an abyss that swallows everything around. I search for you in every detail of the day — in the whispering wind, in the stars that shine — but nothing answers me. Inside me is a space that even time cannot fill, an echo of solitude that resonates endlessly.

I exist, but only that. Every second is a wound that doesn’t heal, and inside me something screams without a voice, struggling against the unbearable weight of all that has been lost. As my feet sink into the muddy terrain of melancholy, I feel the weight of all my absences pulling me deeper, into a place where light can no longer reach.

𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛. [open.spotify.com] ( my playlist (-.-))