And so it was, on a lonely and cold afternoon, that I realized: you are gone. I knew, of course, that this day would come eventually, but why so soon? We made so many plans, thought so much, loved so much and... this? This happened? I wanted at least 30, maybe 40 more years with you, but I only had 6. And that destroys me, shatters me, breaks me into tiny pieces — pieces that turn into dust, carried away by the wind.

It’s been about three months now, and, once again, I sleep late and wake up even later, always feeling drained and heavy. I stumble over my own feet, unable to go to the gym, to eat, to sleep, or even to drink water. All I feel is the weight of my dark circles and the tears welling up again. And this smell… your smell still lingers on the walls, filling my nose and this entire house, from the couch to the bathroom. It’s impossible not to remember how much you loved that perfume, always applying it more times than you needed...

How many times, how many times have I dreamed of you just this damn month? Long conversations that always draw a laugh from me. And you’re always... dazzling. But I can’t take this anymore; I don’t want to wake up and spend minutes staring at the ceiling or this damn lamp. I wish I could be aware in those dreams, wish I could hold you for hours, days, weeks and... cry in your arms while clinging to you, telling you how much I miss you. But... I don’t have control over these painfully vivid dreams. Honestly, I wish I could slip into a coma in one of those dreams. That way, I could see you for just a little longer.

Gnossiennes [open.spotify.com] you poison [open.spotify.com] ( my playlists /ᐠ｡‸｡ᐟ\ )

You left like a breeze that promised to return but never did. Every sound is an echo of your absence, a whisper of what we once were. And while time, once my refuge, is now just an empty mirror reflecting the space you left, the cold grows inside me like a dark warning.

It’s not the darkness that terrifies me, but what it hides. The void grows, swallowing even memories. Fear clings to my chest, choking any hope of escape. Each thought is a tight knot of anguish, a constant struggle for air that never seems to arrive. I try to escape, but the invisible hands of my pain hold me tightly.

Your traces still inhabit every corner of my world, and yet, you slip through my heart’s fingers. I cling to the memories — the sound of your laugh, the touch of your presence. But it’s a losing battle because attachment only prolongs the wound that never stops bleeding.

The pain cuts like a sharp blade, making space for the void to settle in. The world moves on, but I’ve stopped, trapped in an endless twilight where the colors have faded and the melody of life lost its tune. Everything is gray, soft, but immensely heavy, like rain that never ends.

Your absence is an abyss that swallows everything around. I search for you in every detail of the day — in the whispering wind, in the stars that shine — but nothing answers me. Inside me is a space that even time cannot fill, an echo of solitude that resonates endlessly.

I exist, but only that. Every second is a wound that doesn’t heal, and inside me something screams without a voice, struggling against the unbearable weight of all that has been lost. As my feet sink into the muddy terrain of melancholy, I feel the weight of all my absences pulling me deeper, into a place where light can no longer reach.

𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛. [open.spotify.com] ( my playlist (-.-))