Recent reviews by Jilly Boel

I'm on the breaking point. I suck at this game, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I reek of BO. And what's even worse... I HAVEN'T FOUND A SINGLE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DARK SOUL! They are like all gleaming and white. I'M PISSED. I assumed I would be able to find AT LEAST 3 dark souls. After voicing my opinions to the publisher and developers, they had the audacity to call me an "idiot" in the message attached to my refund request rejection. I digress. The game is good. Guys with swords turn me on. Buy it. Give these swindlers your money.

Wowza! I thought this game was about community service by repainting local businesses and whatnot in solidarity. 44 hours later and I'm addicted to mutilating bodies. Fun little Easter egg: painting pentagrams in blood and brain matter is apparently what it takes for the enemy A.I. to take their own lives. Ha! What a trip! I've instilled a culture of violence in this town, and I've never felt better. What's even better though... the town is certainly red. :)

This game has decayed beyond reason and repair. I can't even run an honest slave trafficking business without an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ monarch harshing my grind. The king isn't out there conking new players and dragging them to the dungeon. That's all me. ME! Yet, the limpdick fat boy enjoys the spoils. I only recommend this game to sadists and communist girl bosses. Peace.

I NEED HELP! This game reminds me of a movie. Particularly the opening scene. IT WAS A BIG MOVIE. Lots of explosions and stuff. There were bank robbers in clown masks, and the main character was supposedly black but also white. I've already looked up "the black white guy movie" only to find some fairly racially insensitive results. Anywho, I think killing cops is fun, so I'll give this game a ♥♥♥♥ 12 out of 1312. Bye, Sisters!

I don't really know what I was expecting coming into this game. I thought it may have been a game about the weather. Boy, was I wrong. It took me one run to get the gameplay down. Now, I've been on the same run ever since. I'm writing this while staring at the big lizard guy in the lunar coin shop. He won't tell me where the rain is. WHAT'S THE BIG RISK?! All I see are lizards, eyeballs, and jellyfish shooting ♥♥♥♥ at me. If I get to the end of this game without seeing rain, the blood vessels in my brain are going to rupture. I swear to God. If the "rain" is referring to the bullets and lasers constantly flying at me, I will implode. I'm going crazy in here. I must go now... in search of precipitation.

I'm a huge, bigly fan of this game. I love it when my space guy death punches demons for Jesus. If you love Jesus, you will love this game. I only have 12 hours on the game because most of my time is usually spent fighting my adolescent urges in prayer. However, my giant brain allows me to spirit stream DOOM Eternal from God's god PC to the insides of my eyelids while I sleep. Funny enough, God only has Id Software games installed. Rock on, fellow Christian gamers!

Okay, my therapist told me that talking about the roots of my issues would likely help me move forward. Here we go, I guess. Hi, my name is Jilly, and I was recently released from an Among Us addiction rehabilitation center in Oklahoma City. This game has not only ruined my life, but it has also secured me a one-way ticket to hell. I remember my first few rounds of Among Us. My friends, who had started playing a short time before me, were throwing out terminology like "marinating," "hard clear," and "sus." Retrospectively, it's fascinating how quickly these words seeped into my everyday vocabulary. Any given person's peculiar behavior could be (and most certainly was) classified as "sus." The usage of these words began as an innocent joke, but the more I delved into this game, the harder it became to separate Among Us from reality. I perceived others' acts of kindness and words of encouragement as attempts to marinate me. If I noticed somebody walking behind me at school, I'd run away and scream for an emergency meeting. Needless to say, this paranoia drove my friends away. This loneliness only exacerbated my suspicion of others, which led me to install hidden cameras in my house and school. It escalated to the point where I couldn't sleep. I was too busy analyzing my parents' sex because I was convinced that my dad was secretly gay. I also couldn't pay attention in class because I was constantly checking the A/C vents. My surveillance went unnoticed until my Calculus teacher caught me watching footage of her taking a ♥♥♥♥ in the faculty bathroom. Soon after, I was expelled from school, and the public humiliation associated with my actions caused my parents to mutually file for divorce. All I had left at that point was a scat fetish and a crippling Among Us addiction. To address the latter, I committed myself to a 60-day rehabilitation program that cost $12,000 in total. My parents refused to help me pay, so, in my desperation, I scammed my 79-year-old, Alzheimer's-ridden grandmother for enough money to cover the down payment. Now I'm $9,000 in debt, and my family won't talk to me. I wish God would just vote to eject me already.

Having played this game for .3 hours and League of Legends for 6+ years, I can firmly say, in my unbiased opinion, that Heroes of the Storm is better.

I first bought this thinking it was a porn game. I'm like REALLY attracted to big muscly hairy guys. Turns out it's just a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ survival game. What does a guy have to do to get ♥♥♥♥♥♥ by Bigfoot?

I love how I can't go a single round without being reminded of my crippling hentai addiction. Here I am playing pyro, and then BAM! A sexually suggestive anime woman's butthole is in my face. Now my team is down a man because I can't help pounding my lil' ding dong. Not only is this strategically unfair, but it is morally unjust as well. If Valve doesn't fix this, I swear to God I'll start a political movement. You have 3 days.