Recent reviews by Jilly Boel

♥♥♥♥ you. I have broken my penis.

I have struggled with the lack of realism in this game for far too long. As a PROUD American, I can say I have logged around 150 hours into America games (only on the hardest difficulty, of course), and I can say that I have personally enjoyed the American perks. However, winning repeatedly has become mundane at this point. I long for more characteristics of the American civ that are truly representative of the great nation. For example, I believe there should be a production and unit movement debuff when you hit the modern era to account for rampant obesity in the population. The absolute speed at which I destroy peaceful city-states is simply fantastical and insulting. Moreover, there is one glaring issue that personally angers me as a PROUD citizen of God's favorite country: WHERE IS THE BOOZE? America is not American without a grotesque excess of liquor swilling and beer slamming. Thus, I have a simple proposal: 40% of all American farms MUST be converted to distilleries and/or breweries to avoid economic and societal collapse throughout all eras. Speaking of impending societal collapse, where are all the scandals to hide?! No MK Ultra? Tuskegee? Nevada nuclear bomb testing? Project Paperclip? I mean COME ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ON! You're going to just skip all the juiciest drama we have? Our culture is killing people after ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ them over for ♥♥♥♥'s sake. Truly, the only reason I am recommending this game is because it has the Polynesian civ, which I support only because I love their Chick-Fil-A sauce. Thank you for reading my patch notes, and God bless America!

Issa real good game