The story starts off with the player as Isaac, an engineer sent to investigate and repair the Ishimura, the ship that the player will be jogging very slowly through for the rest of the game. Isaac and his crew, Zach Hammond (who DIES) and Kendra Daniels (who ALSO DIES), Johnston and Chen (who DIE), exit the wormhole in their ship the "Kellion" and see how badly the Ishimura was raped. The rape meter detects high levels of rape on the Ishimura and, like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, they decide to board the ship. Isaac is also there to find his ♥♥♥♥♥, Nicole Brennan (who WAS ALREADY DEAD). While traveling into the butthole of the Ishimura, the Kellion goes out of control and crashes into the docking bay.

After this event happens, Isaac, Zach, Kendra, Chen, and Johnston miraculously get out of the ship without any wounds. As they run into the lounge of the ship, the whole place turns into a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (as if it wasn't already) and all hell breaks loose. Isaac stands and watches through a window as his crew is attacked by creatures and Chen and Johnston are killed. Isaac has to run his unarmed ass out of there and go into an unstable elevator, then acquires a hideously overpowered futuristic staple gun that cuts most enemies into gory chunks in seconds. Later on, Isaac meets up with Unitologists who are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ insane over the Marker which caused all of the ♥♥♥♥ on the ship to happen in the first place. One of the Unitologists, Dr. Challus Mercer (♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DIES), releases his "prototype/hunter" to kill Isaac. This creature is a pain in the ass due to the fact that IT CANNOT DIE unless you KILL IT WITH FIRE. It follows Isaac around throughout the rest of the game until he finally arrives at the shuttle where it can be burned. During all this, Isaac is constantly annoyed by Kendra, Zach, and his imaginary girlfriend, Nicole.
Eventually, Kendra becomes a Jew and runs off with the marker so she can sell it to some other colony. Fortunately, you pull that slut back into the ship and fly down to the planet that the ship is orbiting. Isaac then plants the marker on the planet because his (DEAD DEAD DEAD) girlfriend told him to. Being the ♥♥♥♥♥ that she is, Kendra reveals to Isaac that Nicole had killed herself and all this time he's been hallucinating, as the Marker used her image to control him and bring itself back to the planet, where it turns out Isaac made a giant vagina monster wake up. Kendra gets eaten by it, the player kills it and escapes from the planet, the planet explodes, and Isaac is killed by his zombie girlfriend who inexplicably boarded the ship IT WAS A HALLUCINATION.
All in all, the entire ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing is pointless. You did not save a single soul, the monsters would have died of AIDS eventually, no one will know anything of what happened on that damned ship, and Isaac is still a tool who does whatever the ♥♥♥♥ people tell him to do DEAD ALIVE, SEQUEL ANNOUNCED.

The story starts off with the player as Isaac, an engineer sent to investigate and repair the Ishimura, the ship that the player will be jogging very slowly through for the rest of the game. Isaac and his crew, Zach Hammond (who DIES) and Kendra Daniels (who ALSO DIES), Johnston and Chen (who DIE), exit the wormhole in their ship the "Kellion" and see how badly the Ishimura was raped. The rape meter detects high levels of rape on the Ishimura and, like fucktards, they decide to board the ship. Isaac is also there to find his bitch, Nicole Brennan (who WAS ALREADY DEAD). While traveling into the butthole of the Ishimura, the Kellion goes out of control and crashes into the docking bay. After this event happens, Isaac, Zach, Kendra, Chen, and Johnston miraculously get out of the ship without any wounds. As they run into the lounge of the ship, the whole place turns into a shithole (as if it wasn't already) and all hell breaks loose. Isaac stands and watches through a window as his crew is attacked by creatures and Chen and Johnston are killed. Isaac has to run his unarmed ass out of there and go into an unstable elevator, then acquires a hideously overpowered futuristic staple gun that cuts most enemies into gory chunks in seconds. Later on, Isaac meets up with Unitologists who are batshit insane over the Marker which caused all of the shit on the ship to happen in the first place. One of the Unitologists, Dr. Challus Mercer (FUCKING DIES), releases his "prototype/hunter" to kill Isaac. This creature is a pain in the ass due to the fact that IT CANNOT DIE unless you KILL IT WITH FIRE. It follows Isaac around throughout the rest of the game until he finally arrives at the shuttle where it can be burned. During all this, Isaac is constantly annoyed by Kendra, Zach, and his imaginary girlfriend, Nicole. Eventually, Kendra becomes a Jew and runs off with the marker so she can sell it to some other colony. Fortunately, you pull that slut back into the ship and fly down to the planet that the ship is orbiting. Isaac then plants the marker on the planet because his (DEAD DEAD DEAD) girlfriend told him to. Being the bitch that she is, Kendra reveals to Isaac that Nicole had killed herself and all this time he's been hallucinating, as the Marker used her image to control him and bring itself back to the planet, where it turns out Isaac made a giant vagina monster wake up. Kendra gets eaten by it, the player kills it and escapes from the planet, the planet explodes, and Isaac is killed by his zombie girlfriend who inexplicably boarded the ship IT WAS A HALLUCINATION. All in all, the entire fucking thing is pointless. You did not save a single soul, the monsters would have died of AIDS eventually, no one will know anything of what happened on that damned ship, and Isaac is still a tool who does whatever the shit people tell him to do DEAD ALIVE, SEQUEL ANNOUNCED.