Ples forgib ;-;

This profile offends me as a vegan transgender hipster Native-American-Indo-Chinese hybrid alien agnostic-atheist German engineer who vapes organic decaffeinated compressed and hydrated extra-protein soy breast milk on the regular and does Hindi Kama Sutra naked crossfit yoga 8 days a week. I’m also a nonbinary trigender queer male feminist and identify myself as a pastafarian pansexual genderfluid Apache helicopter dog of mega multi alpha beta gamma delta omega combo god of hyper death who’s in a polygamous polyamorous relationship to the chihuahua who helped me cross the border of Mexico because it hates Donald Trump.

yes

WTF did i just read?

10/10 Stories. <3

I recall my first time with a condom; I was 16 and I went in to a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms and there was this beautiful assistant behind the counter. She could see I was new to this so she asked “Do you know how to put one on?” I said “No, this is my first time.” So she took the pack and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked around the store to make sure nobody was there, and she quickly led me to the back. She then unhooked her bra and lay it aside. “Does this excite you?” I was dumb-struck and I just nodded. She then told me it was time to slip on the condom. As I was putting it on, she removed her panties and a lay down on the desk. “Take me.” So I did. It wasn’t long before I arrived. She looked at me with a fretful face and said “Did you put that condom on?” To which I replied “Sure did!” as I held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.