Another year goes by where I forget to block your phone number because I secretly hope you'll call me and tell me it's not over :(

I remember one time I tried to call you using 1-800-COLLECT because I had ♥♥♥♥♥♥ in a car wreck and severed an artery but you denied the call. I might've lost my leg but I gained a healthy hatred for you then.

Every once in a while I think back to when you showed me a video of a girl taking a dump in her underwear and I think to myself that was the moment I fell in love with you

What did you mean when you said "men should not consume penises, but should instead create them"?

Before I die, I desperately want to make a big toilet that I can submerge my butt into, then fart and then flush and see if the water can empty faster than the bubble can rise out of the water.

I heard you kissed a boy or something?