I watched a cooking video this man made and it looked good (he made boiled steak) but it legitimately grossed me out when he dipped the steak in mayonnaise. Just straight mayo and boiled steak. I think it was keto.

Another year goes by where I forget to block your phone number because I secretly hope you'll call me and tell me it's not over :(

I remember one time I tried to call you using 1-800-COLLECT because I had gotten in a car wreck and severed an artery but you denied the call. I might've lost my leg but I gained a healthy hatred for you then.

Every once in a while I think back to when you showed me a video of a girl taking a dump in her underwear and I think to myself that was the moment I fell in love with you

What did you mean when you said "men should not consume penises, but should instead create them"?

Before I die, I desperately want to make a big toilet that I can submerge my butt into, then fart and then flush and see if the water can empty faster than the bubble can rise out of the water.