here i documen my insanity

havent been there lately ngl life is going really good pretty cool but something not so cool happend and i also felt like telling about stuff here

so first of all i have been diagnosed with mild case schizophrenia or smth like that
the doctor said "schizophrenic personality smth smth"
and explained that its very mild but it may progress later in life
i was a little disappointed and sad cuz i thought i was autistic but good to know that there is indeed something that explains my behaviour
told my mom and she handled it well and didnt treated me differently which is both good and bad cuz i still have some quirks that needs to be respected

in any way im feeling fine almost finished college we have about 4 more months to go and i will be a certified carpenter

my friends doing fine too
they have moved from my city cuz college and academies and stuff
we still chat much online and meetup irl sometimes
i hope they stay here for the summer so we could hang out and stuff

but there is a little thing that bothers me alot
there are fighter jets and planes flying above my city and they are really loud and i fear that something is happening near where i live

i really hope the war ends soon and i would be able to go outside less feared

next thing that changed is my diet
i now decided to eat less spicy stuff and less fats cuz my stomach feels funky after them
also im trying my best to not overeat in one sitting
i still have no idea why i feel that im full so late that it makes me dizzy
but yeah my guts now feeling fine and well

also trying really hard to keep a some sort of routine (i hate that word it sounds bad but i have none that would sound better) so that i would be a bit more organised and stuff

for now its just some morning stuff like washing my face and brushing my teeth and maybe some skincare in the evening
its a little but better than nothing

also i really want to shower more frequently but my mom says something "again?! y showered like 3-4 days ago" and she is kinda right but showering makes me feel good and cool and like really relaxing afterwards

also its easter soon and i wasnt really doing any holidays so i think i will do something cool on easter
maybe i will bake a cake or smth
i always wanted to bake smth but i dont know how to use an oven

also i got a new laptop
its quite better than my last one but still not really intended for game playing
but pretty much all things i play give me decent frames
especially noita now runs well and now i can play with my friends
also i moved the ssd from the last one to the new one and changed the fan on a new one cuz it chipped or smth and started to rattle
but my mom was kida mad at me for disassembling my laptop cuz warranty or smth
i barely care about it cuz i know that if something happens i can do it myself easily

the next thing is that i have pets now
not sure if i said it already
i had some rats and they multiplied very rapidly and now i have even more rats
they are cool but their claws are really sharp and pretty much every time i play with them i get scratches all over my hands
the momma rat licks me every time i take her out and im not sure if its because the hand soap smelling fruity or that she likes me

also i got back into electronics and stuff
did much soldering and unsoldering
also fixed the middle button on my mouse felt really cool

im constantly telling my friends that the spring/summer vibes are kicking in and i like summer vibes
much cool stuff happend to me in summer
but not so cool stuff happend too but its all good cuz life cant always be cool things

i also decided to study more drawing things so i could draw better
especially digitally cuz drawing with my mouse if a bit hard and i have no budget for a drawing tablet and i still will need to learn stuff
so for now i practice on paper mostly to remember all the things i learned before and then i will practice more digitally

also i found my old notebook with some sketches ( i thought i lost it forever ;-;) and i was kinda amazed cuz alot of stuff out there was pretty good and it kinda inspired me to keep going

im feeling kinda lonely though cuz i cant hang out with friends much and i dont have any new friends
i thought of finding a boyfriend but i kinda want to wait for a while so that the war would end and like the government change and being gay would be less marginalised and stuff
or maybe move to a different country (i really want to move to germany it sounds really cool)
so basically im coping it with plushies and online chatting (last one is pretty rare im not a big fan of chatting with random people)

im not sure what else to tell here



TL;DR - im doing good having fun eating well

hope u all doing good and caring of urself and others
wont post for a while cuz i told pretty much everything i had