:)

First day on the job, I find this sad sack by the campfire. No tools, no purpose, just vibes. I toss him a coin, he gets a hammer. “Go chop some trees,” I say. Easy job. What does he do? Warms his hands by the fire. All. Damn. Day.

Fine. I tell him to go fix a wall. He nods, turns around... and goes back to chopping trees. Then, night falls, and surprise - here come the hooded freaks. They punch a hole through the wall, mug my hammer-holding idiot, and he’s back to square one, begging by the fire like it’s opening night all over again.

Second chance. I'm a merciful ruler. I give him another coin, another hammer. “Build the ship,” I say, pointing at the planks that have been sitting there longer than my patience. He nods — promising start — then walks straight into the woods outside the walls. Guess what happens? Same freaks. Same hammer theft. Same dumb look on his face.

And THEN - plot twist - this dude grabs a bow and becomes an archer. Cool, I think, maybe he’ll redeem himself.

Spoiler: He does not.

Now I have no builders. The walls are falling apart. The boat's still in IKEA phase. Meanwhile, the freak squad is multiplying — they’re stealing tools, shields, probably someone’s grandma. They must’ve told all their cousins this kingdom is run by pushovers — now their whole hoodie-wearing family is here, stealing your archers, trampling your wheat, pissing on your campfire, and looting everything in sight. It’s like my kingdom became the Black Friday of medieval looting.

And as everything burns around me, there’s one lone archer across the map, failing to hit a rabbit who’s just sitting there like, “Bro, really?”

The gameplay is simple yet occasionally frustrating, but I'm surprised by how much I enjoy it