Star Wars Outlaws – Or How Ubisoft Gave the Galaxy a Middle Finger

Dear Ubisoft,

Congratulations. You’ve officially outdone yourselves in the “how lazy can we be and still sell it” department. Star Wars Outlaws is what happens when a group of overpaid, coddled execs snort kombucha fumes and think, “You know what gamers want? A limp noodle of a main character, three reskinned jackets, and a combat system designed by someone who’s never held a controller.”

Let’s talk about Kay Vess — your “outlaw.” Outlaw? Please. She looks like she got kicked out of a vegan co-op and decided to take it out on the galaxy. Her hair? A war crime. I’ve seen Wookiees with better grooming standards. And you expect me to believe this yoga dropout is pulling off intergalactic heists? One Stormtrooper with a migraine would fold her like laundry.

And the gameplay? Oh my god. Did you guys seriously just CTRL+C Assassin’s Creed wall climbing, CTRL+V into space? I half expected Ezio to show up and tell her to stop embarrassing the franchise. If I wanted to climb beige walls and hide behind the same two crates for ten hours, I’d replay Unity drunk.

Now gear — where the hell is it? One gun. One. A blaster that shoots like it was made in a back-alley Etsy shop. Three outfits? What is this, a Barbie simulator for emotionally numb Jedi fans? Give me armor. Give me blades. Give me something that doesn’t look like it was stitched together by an unpaid intern during lunch break.

And the combat. Jesus. Was it designed by a spreadsheet? Where’s the grit? Where’s the blood, the heat, the violence? I wanted to feel like a hunter, not a substitute teacher on a field trip. Let me dual-wield. Let me customize my arsenal. Let me actually kill someone without it looking like a damn stage play.

We asked for a badass bounty hunter dripping with cyberpunk menace and SWTOR energy — and you gave us discount-brand Han Solo with a sidekick that looks like a rejected Pokémon.

This game is Far Cry: Tattooine Edition. It’s Assassin’s Creed: Beige Galaxy. It’s "we have Star Wars rights but no balls to do anything new." You’ve recycled so many ideas, I’m surprised the game doesn’t come with a blue bin.

So here’s my heartfelt review: I hope the $49 I dropped on this space-turd-on-a-disc goes straight into your coffee budget — so you can stay awake long enough to realize you just flushed another golden IP down the toilet like a greasy Friday lunch dump.

Ubisoft, stop being cowards. Make something that doesn’t insult every fan with two brain cells to rub together. Until then, I’ll be over here, waiting for a real dev team to grow a spine and make the Star Wars game we actually deserve.

Yours in total disgust,
An ex-fan who’d rather get Force-choked than play this crap again

I played this for over 87 hours. So it would be stupid to deny that I had fun.
The Tech needs work, you need incredibly strong hardware if you want to max this out. But no matter if max or lower settings, this game just looks stunning. And that was my main draw to it. I've never been in such a beautifully realised version of the Star Wars Galaxy.
The Gameplay in generally consists out of only mediocre elements, the climbing, jumping, gunfights, hacking, upgrading everything really is just mediocre, but nothing is so hard overused that you usually get sick of it. The Missions blend all those elements together for it all to be fun in the sum. That combined with the excellent Graphics and the excellent sound, make this a good game for me.

If you want to jump on the Ubisoft Open World Formula, I can see where you are coming from, if you want to leave this out for being a bland and boring game, you can do that, but...

TL:DR: I had fun, why should I lie about that. Star Wars Outlaws is Average Gameplay combined with excellent Tech and Good Controls with a Story that, while not being super special, is still nice to play.

I dont know, it's fun and boring at the same time. For some people it might work, for me I had to drop it, although I had some fun before turning into a repetitive pickup and delivery classic open world