(1/5)

These Goggles changed my life in ways you can't even imagine.

Story time:

Near the turn of the New Year I had been unjustly arrested for "stealing money" by a shady, villanous, and utterly unsavory female associate of mine, who -as it turns out- is now incarcerated within an iron building herself (but we'll get to that later). As I sat there in my cell, surrounded by true villains and scoundrels, I had lost all hope in life. The wench even went so far as to portray the most basic elements of my being, such as my love of eating pizza at various lunch restaurants, as being the acts of a criminal and a "strange person." What was I to do?

(2/5)

I was taken before a judge, and in my own arrogance I accidentally insulted him by telling him to not be too hasty in the formation of his conclusions. Through sheer luck I was spared by the mercy of the court, and managed to ultimately defeat that villainous wench in my legal battle (ironically enough it was due to the distracting deteriorating physical health of another in the court that wrangled the judge's attention from my arrogance). Alas, despite my victory, the affair left me in a state of severe depression.

(3/5)

Lost and forlorn, I unwisely decided to visit the wench again. She sat in her front yard, listening to "Fat Bottomed Girls" while talking to her neighbor, a strange man nicknamed "Cottonballs," about bicycles and flywheels. Upon seeing me free and unincapacitated she lashed out at me despite me initially going there to forgive her. Tensions rose, and she inadvertently and intentionally set fire to several gas cans her shady boyfriend, a freak named "Strider" (who ended up falling down a hospital elevator shaft not too long ago), had left around her estate. Initially she tried to downplay the inferno by telling her neighbors that it was "no problem," but the inferno soon appeared to be too great. The police were called, and she had the audacity to claim that it was MY FAULT that she set fire to the gas cans.

(4/5)

I tried to tell my side of the story, but one of the police officers (a guy named Gisseppi) slapped me when I tried doing so.

I was doomed. But fortunately for me, a kind bystander, upon being asked if I had set the gas cans ablaze, replied: "nah." My innocence was evident, I was safe. I thought justice was impossible, like trying to make a computer out of a fish. But this man changed everything. He was my guardian angel, who came from a cloud on high to deliver the angelic answer that still sends a shiver down my spine today: "nah."

The wench was eventually imprisoned for her lying ways. In jail, she attracted the attention of a rather big "man," and rumor has it he frequently violates the sanctity of her sleep by forcibly "giving" her a "Dublin Duo with cheese." Whatever that is, she deserves all of it.

Now you may be asking, what does this story have to with these gallant, gaudy, gilded, glistening, gorgeous, grandiloquent, Generic Gold and Goatskin Goggles?

(5/5)

The angelic figure that saved me from Gisseppi, that uttered the heavenly "nah" that changed my life forever, wore these same, particular gallant, gaudy, gilded, glistening, gorgeous, grandiloquent, Generic Gold and Goatskin Goggles.

Today, as I sat with my lovely wife, Merinda, I noticed these beautiful goggles in the store. I was shocked, I was awed, I was starstruck... I was filled with so much emotion that even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

It is not mere coincidence. It must be fate.

The beautiful rivens, the non-goatskin leather, the notches, the buttons, the trims, and the beautiful way that light so gaily dances upon the frame... Truly, these are the goggles of the divine, and we are all blessed to be able to purchase, let-alone WEAR such heavenly oculars ourselves within Guns of Icarus so that we too may live, and patrol the highest sky's as angels ourselves.

"Generic Gold and Goastkin Goggles" / 10

Hey AIB,
Steam's profit sharing system is down for the next week to two weeks (by their estimate.) Our current plan is to wait until they fix the system and then put in your item up for sale.

If you'd like for it to just be given out for free instead and released tomorrow, just let us know.

If you'd like it in early or have any questions please email feedback@musegames.com

Thanks!

Thanks! (Between you and me I just called it goatskin to I could add another G to the name)

Other than that I love the realism and attention to detail with the texture and the rivens and thought behind their actual construction!

I have to say, very thick for a goatskin, are you sure its not a blend of Goat skin and cow?.. :)