In this guide I'll go over 10 broad commonplace (or commonplace enough) issues that tend to rear up in MvM matchmaking and how to confront them. This guide will mostly be broad and not focus highly on tactical details.

Guide (words and doodles) is a work-in-progress

We all know those games we enter a room and see no engineer; we pick him out of obligation and find we've merely 15 seconds to set up before the wave begins.
We all know those games someone says they'll "brb" on a bathroom trip and hear a teammate ready up.
We all know those games there's only 3 players in the room on an advanced mission and someone readies.

Do not be that guy.

When you ready up early you discourage your allies due to forcing them into a fight they cannot win. Likely causing them to lose confidence or ragequit. What's worse is anyone that was going to come in will see the team getting its butt kicked and immediately have their doubts about the team - possibly warding them away immediately.

It does not work above Normal difficulty missions as a full-time strategy. Trust us; we've all tried it when we were new too. The sentry is a very feeble defense without teammates to aid it against the horde. You and your buildings are needed at the front - where the bomb currently is. The teleporter and the dispenser are the main reason the team wants an engineer.

The sentry is great at thinning scouts out and helping the team with making a wall against any slipping through, and general cover fire against everything else. It blocks super scouts from running past certain corners so the team can jump them.

By itself at the hatch? It's pretty weak and easily overcome unless it's just a few little scouts.

Are you the best on your team? Accept it gracefully.
No one plays better because you're yelling at them.
No one likes the one that mentions his score or tour count everytime he's in the lead.
Once you frustrate your teammates by pointing out how much they suck and how much you rock they're going to do poorer than before. Don't blame everyone else everytime a wave is failed. Patience goes far when pubbing.

Discussing tactics is difficult when the person you talk to isn't replying.
Maybe he doesn't read the chat and has voice disabled - that's a bad sign.
Maybe he doesn't speak the same language - that's a bad sign.
Maybe he does hear you but ignores you - that's a bad sign.

It always looks bad if you're completely unresponsive.

Every class has multiple potential purposes in MvM. Know - before going higher than Intermediate - all of the classes that can fit into such roles as: collecting cash, defeating uber medics, killing giants, slow evasive/fast enemies, destroy tanks, and crowd control. Your teammates will often expect you to do class-specific tasks without saying so based on what class you choose; collecting cash, for example, will always be considered the scout's responsibility if there is one.

Anyone that claims spy, pyro, and sniper are bad classes to choose in advanced and beyond will look as though they do not truly belong where they are. Sometimes your personal poor experiences playing as a class can mistakingly shape a poor impression of the class instead of your own skill with it.

The vast majority of MvM players don't know what they're doing - including those with high tours and hours, unusuals, and aussies. Most find one way that works and cling to it as "the right way" to beat mvm - dismissing all other ways as "the wrong way." Think of their tour count as nothing more than grinding the same class repeatedly. They can teach you, but it'll only be teaching you one narrow way to win.

When you run into those willing to guide you with advice though it's always frowned upon to spit on it. Whether someone knows what they're talking about or not they're more often than not offended when spurned.

In short: If you're a newbie than accept you're a newbie. Nothing you hear in-game is set in stone as "the only way to play a class/team" but accept what long-time players say as probably advice worth trying or looking into.

Yes. We do want to kill the robots. In some situations though attacking them is a bad thing.

• Panic or negligence can cause you to attack a giant that's being healed by uber medics. Triggering uber can only be avoided if you can kill them in one shot. If you are not able to one-shot them then do not attack the medics or the giant they're healing. You'll only make it harder for the others that could have killed them because now the enemies are invincible and the giant very well may kill that teammate in question before his uber runs out.
  
• Impulse can make you fire from a long distance, but if a bot doesn't see you then you have a chance to get closer to deal better damage. Once you attack him for a long-distance low-damage attack he'll return fire.
  
• Spy teammates usually kill from behind. If you see a spy teammate between you and a giant don't make the enemy turn to his direction by making him notice you. Let the spy do his job - he'll do far more than you if you don't steal his opportunity.
  
• Sometimes a stock or backburner pyro (or in some cases other classes with a knockback-effect weapon) might be trying to push a bomb into a pit to reset it and force the bots to start over. They can only move the bomb while it's held by a robot. If they have things under control don't kill it. Just let the pyro do their thing and it'll help the team recover lost ground.

Life happens and it's understandable we have to afk. When someone is afk during the wave though it's one of the fastest ways to annoy the team. It's hard not to notice when the scout didn't collect any money, when a player stands still in the spawn all wave, or when a player sits in spectator.

It's a bad idea to play MvM unless you've an hour or two of free time. If you have to use the bathroom, answer the phone, or let the dog out then let the team know. It's as simple as typing "afk".

Spectator wastes a slot that an actual player could have used - which is a big deal in MvM. If someone's spectating go into console and type "status". There'll be a list of numbers and names. Check which number they are and type in the console "callvote kick" and the number (example: callvote kick 7).

A common issue advanced and (in boot camp) expert players run into is finding players that don't know how to play in their game. When asked why they went to advanced/expert if they know not how to play they respond "I just checked everything."
Don't go anywhere but to Normal Difficulty if you're not used to the game yet. After you beat every mission on Normal - maybe even a few times each - you may be ready for intermediate. Intermediate pubbing is signifigantly harder than Normal difficulty. Advanced, likewise, is signifigantly harder than intermediate.

Your friends may have taken you with them on Advanced and breezed through it. But that's not a pub. In a pub you're going to have to be a lot better than you'd be if surrounded by friends. Friends work together. Pubs? They... sometimes work together. Don't count what you did in a premade group as what you're capable of in pubbing. You have to be good enough to handle your job and probably some of someone else's. Factor this when choosing your pubbing difficulty.

Pull your ♥♥♥♥ out of the damn canteen nozzle. Canteens and buybacks might be tempting to abuse, but that's cash you'll never get back and weaken you in the long run. They're like cheap ♥♥♥♥♥♥ - only they're expensive cheap ♥♥♥♥♥♥ when you start piling them on.

In the long run most canteens aren't really worth the cash. They'll get you a higher score on the scoreboard, but they'll rarely accomplish what the team couldn't have done without the canteen - short of the engineer's Build Canteen.

Buyback is only really worth it if the bomb is pushed up near the hatch and you personally can make a difference in those few seconds. Otherwise it's just pure impatience throwing money away.

Canteens and buyback are not inherently wrong - they're in the game for a reason after all. They only become a problem when someone kneejerks to that buyback button everytime they die and they die multiple times a wave and/or when they eat 3-or-more canteens every wave.

All 10 issues on this list are the reasons people - you, me, and others - find themselves kicked when pubbing MvM. That's the surprise. Was it really a twist or did you feel it coming? Don't believe me by some chance? Put yourselves in the minds of the team members in each one of these situations and don't feel shy to think someone is breaking more than one of them at a time or has been breaking any commandment for a while in-game.

This is how the team will realistically respond to each issue after enough times:

1: They won't unready? What can we do? Votekick them or suck it up.

2: The engie won't move up. He's not helping. Let's get rid of him.

3: You're a jerk and we hate your snide ass. F you.

4: This guy isn't listening to anything we tell him. Kick him.

5: Scout missed all the cash!/ Gunslinger!/ Huntsman!/ Demo isn't killing medics!

6: You don't know how to play and you're not willing to learn. We're out of options. That or you're just a jerk with an inferiority complex. Goodbye.

7: You won't stop causing us to wipe.

8: The demo hasn't moved in forever. He's just sitting in the spawn afk. Kick?

9: Don't pick expert difficulty unless you can play like an expert, dude. We can't carry you.

10: Why do you only have 5 upgrades? It's not going to be easy to get past this if you're not able to buy more than that.

Nothing in this guide was meant to antagonize, but if you find yourself fitting into any of these make an effort to change it. That or stop pubbing and just play with friends. Pubs aren't for everybody.

Thank you for taking the time to read the guide.
All of the cute doodles (wip) are drawn by Scales http://gtm.steamproxy.vip/profiles/76561198034286084