I Was a Teenage Exocolonist

I Was a Teenage Exocolonist

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An extensive guide on endings [SPOILERS]
By Homestuck
What it says on the tin. A full checklist of things to better help you achieve every ending (career and secret). Does not correlate to any romantic routes or other achievements that can be gained.
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Foreword and Credits
Game completion would have been much more difficult without the help of these guides:

https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2857140568
https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2857911731
https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2856311263
https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2857500569
https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2859859639
https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2868006442

I used all of these very extensively to complete my own guide. This guide will include character setup options that give an early advantage to an ending's stat requirements, as well as a list of activities with the order I did them in.

For some endings, this guide assumes you are on at least your second life and have unlocked all character setup choices. I try to provide a very straightforward list of things to do for the endings on their own- this guide doesn't cover romance.

This is my first time making a steam guide, so I apologize if any of the formatting is awkward.
Garrison career endings
Xeno Hunter
  • have Geranium read Superhero Justice Warriors
  • take the Super Strength augment
  • choose Anemone as your childhood friend
  • do whatever you want until Defense Training unlocks at the Garrison, continue doing that until age 18
  • unlock Hunt in the Swamps in Expeditions, continue hunting until your 20th birthday
  • refuse to negotiate peace with Noctilucent and the Gardeners

Athlete
  • take the Sportsball as your 4th birthday present
  • take the Super Strength augment
  • choose Anemone as your childhood friend
  • play sportsball all your life



Military Hero
  • have Geranium read Superhero Justice Warriors
  • take the Super Strength augment
  • choose Anemone as your childhood friend
  • play sportsball to level either toughness or bravery to 20 and tell Tonin "I'm tough enough!"/"I'm brave enough!" to unlock sneaking out; alternatively reach 20 friendship with Dys.
  • raise perception to at least 20 and your bravery to at least 10 by the time Defense Training unlocks, and then do Defense Training until your combat is at at least 30.
  • at 13, unlock Lookout Duty, continue doing it
  • at 15, unlock Guard Duty, continue doing it and Lookout Duty until your 20th birthday
  • reuse to negotiate peace with Noctilucent and the Gardeners
Expeditions career endings
Astronaut
  • have Geranium read Stories from your Dreams
  • choose Dys as your childhood friend
  • unlock Sneaking Out or play sportsball to raise bravery, switch between that and Engineering Classes (unlock with 5 reasoning, so you'll have to take at least one Life Sciences class first)
  • I recommend taking Defense Training classes until you get the first Combat perk so that you can later equip gear that raises your combat, to make it easier to befriend Vace later on
  • unlock Survey the Ridge at age 15, focus on that while still attending engineering classes.
  • while doing all this, try to maintain Bravery as the top stat (try to max it out first). You can check if its the top by clicking the heart setting and looking at the Sol's current character description- the first sentence on their personality should be about how brave they are
  • befriend Vace
  • at 5 hearts, Vace will talk to you about wanting to return to space. choose "Sounds like a great adventure" to agree to go with him (i think the flirt option also works)
  • continue Surveying the Ridge and taking Engineering classes until your 20th birthday

Explorer
  • take the Eagle Eyes augment
  • choose Dys as your childhood friend; Go find him in his friendship scene
  • unlock Sneaking Out, and try to max out your Perception by the time Survey the Plains unlocks at age 13. Switch between that and exploring nearby until your 20th birthday

Collector
  • take the Extra Fingers augment
  • choose either Cal, Dys, or Marz as your childhood friend. If Cal: tell your parents about the mice. If Dys: tell Auntie Seedant and Tangent where he is
  • unlock Delivering Supplies at Command and continue to do it until age 14. try to max out Organization during this time
  • unlock Forage in the Valley at age 14 (or earlier with 30+ perception). Continue doing it until a year later and unlock Survey the Ridge
  • continue surveying and foraging until your 20th birthday
  • do not negotiate peace with Noctilucent and the Gardeners
Quarters career endings
Prolific Parent
  • take the Doll or Eudicot's Old Hat for your 4th birthday present
  • take the Calm Temperament augment
  • choose either Cal or Tammy as your childhood friend. If Cal: Help raise the mice in his friendship scene
  • save Tammy and unlock Babysitting in the Quarters
  • while Babysitting, also unlock Delivering Supplies and raise your Organization to at least 20
  • at age 13, unlock Cooking in the Quarters with that organization
  • continue cooking until your 20th birthday
  • throughout the game, people will ask you if you want kids (rex, tammy)- choose any variation of "Yes, Lots!" when asked. As well, there's a scene were your parents ask you what you want to be when you're older- choose the "A dad/mom/parent with like 10 kids!" option

Pulp Novelist
  • have Geranium read Sir Knight and Princess Petticoats
  • take the Extra Fingers augment
  • choose Tammy as your childhood friend, Find something else to use for her carrot cake in her friendship scene
  • for the most part, take a lot of Humanities classes in Engineering
  • while doing that, work in Command at least 20 times
  • unlock Assisting the Governor with either 80 persuasion or less than 40 rebellion. Creativity is the main stat for this route, so I recommend going the rebellion route so that you don't run the risk of getting Lawyer
  • Continue assisting the Governor and maintaining Creativity as your highest stat (see Astronaut ending for how to check your highest stat) until your 20th bd

Entertainer
  • have Geranium read Stories from your Dreams
  • choose Dys as your childhood friend
  • focus on raising your bravery. I prefer to play sportsball nonstop until age 12
  • at 12, choose the Photophonor as your birthday gift
  • bravery should be near max at this point, keep doing the Photophonor nonstop until you can unlock Rex's bar (try to do it asap, start giving him logs immediately and raise friendship so you can tell him to make it early)
  • after the bar opens, do something else at the Quarters besides the Photophonor and unlock being able to work at the bar
  • because of time constraints, work at the bar nonstop until your 20th bd
Geoponics career endings
Botanist
  • choose your mom's gardening trowel as your 4th birthday present
  • take absorbent brain as your augment
  • choose either Cal or Tammy as your childhood friend. If Tammy: ask your mom for the carrots in Tammy's friendship scene
  • study Life Sciences in Engineering until you reach the first Biology perk
  • unlock Study Xenobotany in Geoponics with the perk
  • switch between that and life sciences until your 20th bd

Xeno Whisperer/Rancher
  • take the Animal Book as your 4th birthday present
  • take Eagle Eyes as your augment
  • choose Cal as your childhood friend, search for the rest of the mice in his friendship scene
  • unlock Sneaking Out (toughness or bravery to 20 or friendship with Dys to 2 hearts). Continue with the exploration questlines until you get the <!> Hopeye event, try to take it home with you and win
  • work in Geoponics at least 20 times
  • at age 14, Tending to the animals should unlock
  • tend to the animals consistently and Relax at the park to lower stress until your 20th bd

Farmer
  • choose your mom's gardening trowel as your 4th birthday present
  • take absorbent brain as your augment
  • choose either Cal or Tammy as your childhood friend. If Tammy: ask your mom for the carrots in Tammy's friendship scene
  • switch between Life Sciences classes and Shoveling Dirt in Geoponics until age 12
  • Farming should unlock at age 12 with 20+ biology
  • farm and shovel dirt until your 20th bd
Command career endings
Architect
  • choose the Sportsball as your 4th birthday present
  • take the Super Strength augment
  • choose Anemone as your childhood friend, I suggest letting her take the blame in her friendship scene for the +5 reasoning to help unlock Engineering classes faster
  • take Engineering classes and Shovel Dirt; shovel dirt to raise your toughness, as its the main stat for this ending but is the least raised
  • at age 15, work at command with at least 30 toughness to unlock Construction
  • work construction until your 20th bd

Lawyer
  • choose Eudicot's old hat or the Doll as your 4th birthday present
  • choose Marzipan as your childhood friend, plead on her behalf in her friendship scene
  • start taking Humanities classes and raising your friendship with Marz until you can unlock Working in the Depot; work there at least 20 times to meet the requirement for assisting the Governor and to raise Persuasion without raising Creativity, since Persuasion is the required stat and you don't want to risk getting Novelist instead
  • at age 15, work in command again to unlock Assisting the Governor- it's probably easier to do the persuasion route to unlock it (80 persuasion), but having less than 40 rebellion will also let you do it
  • switch between administration and humanities until your 20th bd

Merchant
  • take the Extra Fingers augment
  • choose Cal, Dys, or Marz as your childhood friend. If Cal: tell your parents about the mice in his friendship scene; if Dys: tell Auntie Seedant and Tangent where he is
  • unlock Delivering Supplies in Command as soon as you can, do this until age 12
  • at 12, having either 10 friendship with Marz (1 heart) or low rebellion will let you work as a Depot Clerk
  • continue befriending Marz. At some point at age 16 (iirc, for me at least), a conversation with Marz will appear where she asks you about capitalism. Click "I think capitalism is good, actually"
  • keep working at the Depot and Delivering Supplies until your 20th bd
Engineering career endings
Doctor
  • choose the Doll or Eudicot's old hat as your 4th birthday present
  • take the Calm Temperament augment
  • choose either Cal or Tammy as your childhood friend. If Cal: help raise the mice
  • start taking Life Sciences immediately
  • save Tammy and unlock Babysitting to raise Empathy fast. I chose to switch between Life Sciences and Babysitting often and maxed out both Biology and Empathy at around 14
  • at age 16, work in engineering- an event will pop up relating to the medbay, choose help out in medbay to unlock assisting in medbay
  • assist in medbay until your 20th bd

Roboticist
  • have Geranium read Futuredog and Space Cadets or the Ship Engineering Manuals
  • take the Absorbent Brain augment
  • choose Tangent as your childhood friend, hack into the holonet instead in her friendship scene
  • register for Engineering classes asap and continuously take those (absorbent brain card/perk should have you getting an extra 4 engineering each challenge, but make sure your reasoning doesn't get higher than your engineering)
  • at age 15, an engineering event will appear with a malfunctioning robot, choose to fix it with at least 50 engineering and unlock Robot Repair. note that this will take two tries if you choose to study engineering to register the event, as Nomi-Nomi has two events there back to back
  • repair robots until your 20th bd

Professor
  • choose the Learning Tablet as your 4th birthday present
  • take the Absorbent brain
  • choose either Anemone, Tangent, or Congruence as your childhood friend. If Anemone: let her take the blame in her friendship scene
  • unlock Engineering classes asap and take those until your reasoning is at least 30
  • switch to Humanities classes until age 13
  • at 13, work in Engineering to spawn the event about tutoring, and choose to apply with that 30 reasoning
  • Tutor and study humanities until your 20th bd
Others
Hobbyist
  • do absolutely nothing in life. Just relax
  • keep your rebellion low, or you'll get Rebel instead
  • alternatively you could follow the Prolific Parent route while expressing that you don't want kids and end up with this endings as well (thank you to somapodra for the tip)

Rebel
  • similarly to Hobbyist, you can do nothing your whole life but this time just have really high rebellion.
  • alternatively, I originally got this ending on accident by just... doing too much and messing with the ending equation while having a lot of rebellion.. it just defaults to it
  • alternatively alternatively, as described in Hobbyist, you can follow the Prolific Parent route while expressing that you don't want kids. Just make sure to have a high rebellion as well.

Governor
  • This is the same route to make Marz Governor. It's easiest to combine with Novelist or Lawyer the first time you do it, since you'll have worked in Command so much and will have high Persuasion
  • befriend Marz early on and work at Command frequently to do the Secret Funtimes Club (SFC) events
  • invite either Rex or Nomi to join SFC when they arrive to recruit them both
  • during some of the events, express your distaste for Lum and suggest overthrowing him
  • at 18, in the second month of Dust, Marz will express her distaste- agree with her and do the following SFC to start planning the coup. If you're going for Governor Marz, agree she should be the Governor. If you're going for Governor Sol, say "I should be Governor" (requires 70 rebellion and Persuasion iirc)
  • From there, go to each location and convince every chief to vote for a new Governor. I suggest this order: Geoponics, Expeditions, Garrison, Engineering, Command, Quarters. No matter what, do Auntie Seedant last, as she won't give you her vote without the others. Most will require you to pass a high persuasion check, unless you unlocked specific dialogue for them (learning about the Engineered Plague unlocks one for Instance, refusing to Hunt in the swamps unlocks one for Utopia, and getting close with Rhett will unlock one for him). As well, if Eudicot is dead, you'll have to pay Seeq 100 Kudos
  • With all the votes, either you or Marz will become Governor.
Secret endings
Negotiated Peace (ending modifier)
  • meet Sym and the Overseer
  • overthrow Lum
  • bring the Overseer's deal to Governor Marz
  • negotiate with Noctilucent at Glow. Pass three stat checks: Persuasion, Reasoning, Animals
  • if you fail the second check after succeeding the first, Sym will sacrifice himself for the colony if you have max friendship with him
  • accept Noctilucent's final terms

Tangent's Cure
  • continuously befriend Tangent and gain multiple "+1 Helped Tangent" throughout the story
  • at a high relationship (8 hearts iirc), Tangent will talk to you on the rooftop. Continue to get "+1 Helped Tangent" in the following months (at least 3) to put the ending in motion
  • keep Lum in charge

Ran Away
  • be in a relationship with Dys
  • have over 50 rebellion by age 19, when Dys decides to bomb the colony. help him do it (over 70 rebellion will let you bomb the Quarters specifically, but its not required)

Disable the Array
  • unlock Hunt in the Swamps
  • clear the next 3 boss events
  • talk to Rhett in expeditions, he'll send you to Engineering to get a virus from Congruence
  • report back to Rhett after receiving it
  • Noctilucent will appear in <!> events as a Faceless 3 times, clear them all to get Noctilucent's Head
  • go to the swamp's boss location and pass either a combat or perception check to disable the Array

Colony Destroyed
  • follow "Disable the Array" instructions, but don't report to Rhett about the Array- just kill Noctilucent a bunch lol
  • keep colony defense at Mediocre or lower so that Noctilucent will destroy the colony

Joined the Gardeners
  • unlock Survey the Ridge
  • do the next 4 boss events
  • let Dys bomb the colony and leave
  • go find him at the Ridge boss location
  • talk to either Sym or Dys and convince one of them to let you become a Gardener. you'll need 3 strange devices and 3 crystal clutters

Transcended Time
  • unlock Explore during Glow by completing all the Survey the Ridge boss events (needs either 50 reasoning or toughness and extremely low stress going into it)
  • explore Glow for a few years (took me 3) and clear every <!> event you see
  • one will appear with a Faceless. Do it and choose to Wait... wait... continuously (will require low stress). When you've waited long enough, choose to accept infinity.

Stratospheric Destroyed
  • do this after reaching Transcendence.
  • have Geranium read you the Ship's Engineering Manuals
  • choose Congruence as your childhood friend
  • choose to recalibrate the shields when you approach the wormhole
  • input Congruence's access code and tell her to let the radiation through- consequently killing you and everyone else

Life on Earth
  • start a new life after Stratospheric Destroyed.

Life on Earth II/Restoring the wormhole
  • start a new life after Life on Earth, choose the wormhole option, and decide you're better off staying on earth for a more optimistic version of Life on Earth
  • when you're ready to start again, click the wormhole option in a new life and tell your Old self to un-destroy the wormhole.
5 Comments
fergukj 16 Aug @ 5:41pm 
Ok update, I was wrong- I think I messed up due to not having close to enough Bravery points
fergukj 16 Aug @ 11:36am 
The flirt option does not let you get the astronaut ending, I lost a whole playthrough to hobbiyist because of that.
gorpie 27 Mar @ 10:09am 
Came to say you get the space convo with Vace (for Astronaut) at only 5 hearts and found it already here!

Thank you @somapodra for the tip about Rebel & Hobbyist!
somapodra 10 Mar @ 6:45pm 
I got the space conversation with Vace at only 5 hearts. Is there a second one later on?
somapodra 10 Mar @ 12:28pm 
Doing nothing but relaxing can get boring pretty quickly, but you can do as much babysitting and cooking as you want and still get the Rebel and Hobbyist endings as long as you tell Tammy (and Rex if you get that event) that you don't want kids.