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I do have another theory. Not sure how to test it though. I started paying closer attention to which ones I could Force Betroth and which ones I couldn't. I'm usually so focused on the congenital traits that I never really looked that close at the ages before but I started noticing the ones giving me trouble were all under marriage age, which is 16 I think? Then I noticed one of my Ruler's wives wasnt an actual wife. It was a "betrothal" cuz she was still 15. So I guess i'll wait a year in game and see if suddenly the other ones giving me a headache are eligible after she upgrades to an actual wife. I guess maybe you can only have one pending betrothal at a time?
It would be nice if there was an option to force Divorces too. Instead i'm forced to Force Widowhood on some people. lol
Then I can pick someone else...even that character's sibling or mother...and force a betrothal to the ruler. lol