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DMZ for sociopaths

By Bloodbag

There are plenty of things to do in the DMZ, but you just want to murder people doing those things - this guide has you covered!

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Created by

Bloodbag
Offline

Category: Co-op, Game Modes, Loot, Maps or Levels, Multiplayer, Walkthroughs

Languages: English

Posted

Updated

18 Aug, 2023 @ 12:31pm

19 Aug, 2023 @ 10:17am

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10	Current Favorites

Guide Index

Overview

Introduction

(Optional) Step 1: Pre-make a platoon

Step 2: Spawn in Al Mazrah

Step 3: Get an LVT or an armored boat OR (jizzed my pants just now) an MRAP

Step 4: Start roaming the map

Step 5: Upon seeing a solo player in a vehicle, chase that solo across the entire map

Step 6: Drive up to them point blank

Step 7: Apply advanced combat tactics

Step 8: Loot them - Don't forget manners!

(Optional) Step 9: Camp their body for the rest of the round in case somebody comes to help them

Rinse and repeat.

General notes

Comments

Introduction

Tired of people shooting back at you and beating your sorry ass in fair fights? Worry not my friend!

After years of trial and error with classic multiplayer and Warzone modes which put all players on a fair playfield, Call of Duty introduced an extraction game mode for the narcissistic-sadistic-sociopath.

A game mode where you, my pathetic friend, can spawn in with gear that others don't have, and f*cking riggidy raggedy ruin those poor souls while they're busy playing missions and exploring the world.

Read on to find out how to finally have a positive K/D for the first time in your life.

(Optional) Step 1: Pre-make a platoon

Get 5 "friends" to play with you (you're the psychopath here so I'll leave the part where you trick 5 people into being something approximating a "friend" to you)
Google "how to premade dmz platoon" and follow the instructions

This step is optional for two reasons:

You don't have friends
3 random people should really be enough to murder unsuspecting individuals from behind even for you.

Step 2: Spawn in Al Mazrah

ALWAYS play Al Mazrah. Other maps are too PvP oriented and there aren't that many low-gear solo people.

Step 3: Get an LVT or an armored boat OR (jizzed my pants just now) an MRAP

This way you can start shooting at people on the move.

Step 4: Start roaming the map

Ignore all missions and contracts.
You can take Squad Hunt contract but only if you have an MRAP. Otherwise, you're not overpowered enough to beat a potentially full-gear squad that sees you coming.
Don't forget to spam UAV and AUAV.

Step 5: Upon seeing a solo player in a vehicle, chase that solo across the entire map

They're probably going somewhere, doing a mission or scavenging for stuff.
They will be focused on their task and won't generally expect a full squad to commit to something like stalking a random dude minding his own business for five in-game minutes.
If you don't manage to vaporize the solo via your on-board heavy ordnance, they will eventually stop to do the thing they wanted to do. Probably next to a building.

Step 6: Drive up to them point blank

This is really important. You want to minimize the distance so you can actually hit them, you useless ♥♥♥♥.
If they're in a building, literally drive into the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ doorway.

Step 7: Apply advanced combat tactics

ENTIRE SQUAD TACTICAL SPRINT INTO THE SOLO'S FACE AND MOW HIM THE ♥♥♥♥ DOWN WITH A DRAGON'S BREATH AUTO SHOTGUN
That'll show him to extract 5 bandages! Not on your watch!

Step 8: Loot them - Don't forget manners!

If they just spawned in without any equipment, tell them that they suck for not having anything.
If they DO have some equipment, be in absolute ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ awe over voice chat at what amazing stuff they have. This should come naturally to you because they might carry something like a 3-plate medic vest which you've never seen before because you can't buy it for player-looted cash at the buy station.
If they have any items that are not guns, plates, or self-res, be a good polite socially curious chap and say "This guy is carrying like papers 'n' ♥♥♥♥ what a noob lol"
Everyone on your team should check the dead guy's backpack at least 7 times. Just in case something magically appears there all of a sudden (and because you're dying of dementia and don't remember that you looked there 6 times already). If the guy's cadaver is pleading, do it a few more times (that's what he's pleading for.)
Take their primary weapon, then throw it back, pick it up again, throw it back again, then finally stow it in your backpack.

(Optional) Step 9: Camp their body for the rest of the round in case somebody comes to help them

If that happens, get back to step 7 and work from there.
Be sure to triumphantly exclaim in the voice chat at your sheer genius coming up with the strategic stunt you just pulled off.

Rinse and repeat.

Exfil anytime - the LVT/MRAP allows you to either murder the other people coming towards your extraction with their hard-earned loot (more stuff for you) or drive away in case they're starting to pwn your sorry ass and wait for the better squad to leave.

General notes

Never res anyone, obviously. Why would you do that?

If you come across another fully equipped 3-man squad that inevitably wipes your useless team, pretend you're something like a civilized human being:

Plead for help and say "Dude res pls."
Your voice should invoke a sense of urgency and annoyance, not of a polite request for help. Remember, sound like they OWE it to you to pick you up.
If they ignore your pleas or outright refuse, play the victim. Sound irritated and complain about the unfairness and lack of sportsmanship on their end.
If they start looting your body, be loudly appalled at how they could ever do such atrocity to you, you little psychopath.

If you come across a sniper glint or two on the rooftop of some tall building, just ignore it.

It's not enough firepower to wipe your team in the armored vehicle.
You're in this game to wipe unsuspecting individuals from behind, not to participate in a remotely fair shootout with some guys who actually want to have shootouts with other people lmao.

14 Comments

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HateSymbol 20 Jul, 2024 @ 1:21am

I want to enjoy DMZ/Plunder (I'd fkn love a DMZ/Plunder combination) but cannot due to people making it their objective to treat it like TDM. They should have at least given the option to play these modes single-player against NPCs or something. Let's not forget people treating zombies as TDM even though you cannot shoot each other. FFS, you see someone down? Pick em up and move on, you don't have to invite them to your squad or anything. Be that little glimmer of hope in humanity. lol

katherina 21 Sep, 2023 @ 2:33pm

I sense a strong scent of trans-phobia behind this users post, reporting for multiple counts of homicide and attempted burglary.

Wizard Puppy 30 Aug, 2023 @ 8:02pm

Lord Kolumb, Thank you for being a dumb meat shield of ideas... well in this case idea. Your simple view on the world gives me hope that I'm not as dumb as I think I am. Thanks for cheering me up, great posts!

Lord Kolumb 27 Aug, 2023 @ 9:22am

No one saying you are bad at game, i'm saying that you can win 1v3.
So? Everybody can be killed by behind, your point?
Not everything is luck and not everything is skill but by having high skill you can influence those situations in your favor. But you can take this shotgun, you can loot uav, you can take hard hitting sniper and do -3, you can take cronen squall and outperform them. Yeah, if you just mindlessly going into match with mindset "la-la-la-la i need 3 bandages" and then you "suddenly" get killed by another squad that went into match prepared - then it is fully your fault because you forgot dmz has pvp. Plus nobody forbids you from gathering your 3 stack and being fully prepared for pvpers.

Bloodbag [author] 27 Aug, 2023 @ 9:13am

If I need to address this directly, here it goes:
This satiric guide is not aimed at the random 3 man squads of console gamers who grotesquely and in a blatantly uncoordinated manner run toward their demise while failing to do damage. Some of these poor souls cannot be saved by any amount of gear and these encounters always leave me scratching my head.

Bloodbag [author] 27 Aug, 2023 @ 8:53am

If you consider that there are like, what... A couple of hundred thousands people playing daily? You will end up with random situations which appear that a person knows what they're doing incredibly well while they're just blessed by the dice. Youtube highlights represent like half a percent of that persons experience and I assure you that every one of your favorite streamers gets killed by a random guy/npc from behind that they didn't see just like everybody else.

Same as surviving 1v3 while the team is rushing you with auto shotguns is sheer luck and you know damn well that there's no chance in hell that you'd be able to pull that off consistently with intent. It's rewarding but don't make the mistake of thinking that you won something just by "not sucking at the game".

Bloodbag [author] 27 Aug, 2023 @ 8:51am

I like how you keep adding non-consequitur arguments, sidestepping the simple undeniable reality that playing a gamemode for the sake of ruining other people's game makes you a pathetic dick.

I believe you that there are videos of people winning 1v3, even several in succession. I also believe you that you honestly think it's skill and I don't really blame you. I could even chip in with my experience of winning against the odds - which you wouldn't believe at this point because it wouldn't add up to your narrative that the whole issue here is me being bad at the game.

Lord Kolumb 27 Aug, 2023 @ 7:11am

But it is literally skill. There videos of people on youtube even winning 3 man warzone as solo, lol.
Some people like to play game with 0 challenge. I personally don't but if they like it then okay. Some people like to just grind stupid quests and i either don't blame them. Some people get fun from ruining others game and it is as valid as grinding quests.

Bloodbag [author] 27 Aug, 2023 @ 4:16am

Again, realize that what you're defending here is not people engaging in meaningful PvP - it's people getting in with 0 risk and 0 gain, then engaging in something that is not even PvP combat. It's skill-less steamrolling. What's the point of playing a game with 0 challenge, unless you're in it to ruin other people's game?

Bloodbag [author] 27 Aug, 2023 @ 4:09am

The entirety of that logic is so flawed I won't be bothered to oppose that nonsense. If you're capable of going as far as claiming that a solo victory with one-plate and looted guns against full-geared 3+ tempered vest team is anything else than luck, noone can help you buddy.

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