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1994 Toyota Hilux (T) SAM Edition

This is not my original creation. It's a stupid modification of CodCape's excellent 1994 Toyota Hilux Sh!tbox Edition. This should be immediately apparent, because I don't have nearly the skill to make something like this. Check out the original here, it's pretty sick.
Now, for the main event...

Are you a...
Wannabe anarchist?
Small-time resistance fighter?
Insignificant dictator?
Unimportant non-state actor?
...or anything in between, who's tired of air attacks from your well-funded opponents?

Have I got good news for you!

Introducing...
Now sit down, shut up, strap in, simmer down, fasten your seatbelt, and wrap your head in duct tape, because this is not for the faint of heart, buttercup. Make sure to wrap your hair.

Built brand new in Toyota's factories within the last century, this cutting-edge vehicle has it all. I'm talking:

Affordable!
Cheaper than any other anti-air solution on the market

Dependable!
Short of being blown up or burned to ash, it just won't quit

Toyota Tough!
This model comes pre-beat, so don't worry about scratching the paint

Sexy!
Just try to shake off the mobs of adoring fans at your next firebombing/party/rally/party rally/any other event

Mysterious!
Gives off an aura of cool, with mysteries like "how much fuel do I actually have left?"

Dangerous masculinity!
Under ILC Section 15-Z:2.5e we are legally obligated to tell you that operation of this vehicle can cause rare forms of cancer, as well as spontaneous and rapid hair growth or loss on the chest, face, and occasionally eyes or other parts of the body, caused by the chemical equivalent of vaping testosterone. You may also experience: swelling or redness of the eyes, itchy or irritated skin, dry mouth, or instant and totally random death


This particular model (which I'm selling to you at a huge discount by the way) was allegedly owned by a Mujahideen warlord during both the Soviet and American invasions of Afghanistan, and is confirmed to have almost probably downed at least one Mil Mi-24 during its illustrious service, or maybe not!

Now, you may notice what at first appear to be defects or damage marks. These are not damage, they are, in fact, part of its
This specific model has:

• Lightening measures - heavy and useless objects like doors have fallen off been removed to save weight!
  
  
• Brand new body panels - the front bumper and driver-side front panels have been replaced with newish parts from 100% genuine "Toyota" stock! The tailgate was also taken from the same wrecked vehicle stockpile as the blue body panel!
  
  
• Reduced light signature - some of the lights have been smashed out by children with rocks to make the vehicle less conspicuous at night! Also, one brake light is yellow for some reason!
  
  
• Big-ass AA missiles - five COMPLETELY LEGALLY OBTAINED ACT MIM-6 "Sidearms" have been attached to the bed and can be launched from the driver's seat. These missiles aren't even available to contractors yet! With a range just over 1 km, these missiles can be used to ambush low-flying aircraft, or ground vehicles if you can find a hill to angle yourself down!
  
  
• Mystery chemicals - added just because. Removal of chemicals can be attempted for a fee, but total removal is impossible.
  
  
• Extra seating - bring a friend to your next extra-governmental activity, or better yet, bring five!
  
  
• Fire Suppression System - if you are a complete moron and somehow manage to set your truck on fire, fear not! The advanced FSS will automatically spring into action! Simply retrieve the fire extinguisher from the conveniently welded-on holder box, point at the fire, and squeeze the handle. The water does the rest!
  
  
• One mirror - don't forget to put something here before publishing the ad or your'e all fired
  
  
• Added Excitement - the gas gauge won't read out above or below certain arbitrary limits, and the speedometer is off by about 25%! You get to figure out which 25%!
  
  
• Fuel efficiency - who even cares? Nerd!

...and plenty of other exciting, blood pressure raising, mostly (but not all) insignificant changes!

Get your brand new Toyota Hilux today!

Consult your physician before operating this vehicle. It is also recommended to consult your osteopath, homeopath, astropath, childhood pediatrician, local alcoholic dentist, podiatrist, GP, significant other/immediate family, and register of wills. The Used Technical Emporium is not in any way responsible for any issues caused by the operation of this vehicle, including but not limited to, all previously mentioned illnesses, conditions or syndromes, AIDS, slightly reduced head diameter (<1 cm), blood from the eyes, mouth, and rectum, additional eyes, oily and/or bloody discharge from said extra eyes, a change in the way you hear the word "superfluous" when said out loud, sudden feelings of incomprehensible terror, a weird sound when you move your hand a specific way, kind of like a "pop", or the ability to summon bees when threatened.

I had way too much fun writing this description.