Scene 1

Franklin:
HAHAHAHAHAHA...

Ridges:
Carly, get in here, right now.

Franklin:
Have a seat. So, I understand you put some fliers up all over the school.

Carly:
Yes, I did

Ridges:
Why would you photo doc my head onto a body of a rhinoceros?

Carly:
Well, I-

Franklin:
Rhinoceros? No, no, no, she made you a hippopotamus.

Carly:
No, no, she’s a rhinoceros. Hippopotamus’ have wider thighs and a wider snout-

Ridges:
Does it matter? I think we should call her father in to discuss this.

Carly:
My Dads stationed in Europe right now.

Franklin:
He’s in the military.

Ridges:
Well there must be some adult in charge of her.

Carly:
My older brother, Spencer.

Ridges:
Oh yes, the artist.

Carly:
He’s a great artist!

Franklin:
Look, we don’t need to call her brother in about this. I’m sure you can come up with a suitable punishment.

Ridges:
Hmm Fine. You know, Carly, I am in charge of the talent show this year.

Carly:
Yeah, you’re holding auditions on Saturday.

Ridges:
No, you are.

Carly:
HUH!

Ridges:
I will be enjoying my Saturday while you video tape the auditions for me!

Carly:
NO! I’m going to see The Cuddle Fish play live at the Gaghorn this Saturday!

Ridges:
Not anymore!

Carly:
AW, COME ON!

Franklin:
and i heard what you and Verlaz did last night..did he do it fast

Carly:
Put me to sleep

Ridges:
It’s what you get for turning me into a Hippopotamus!

Carly:
Rhinoceros...

Ridges:
GET OUT!

Carly:
Right!

Scene 2:

Boy:
AH! Let me go!

Sam:
Say you’re sorry!

Boy:
I’m sorry!

Sam:
And what are you sorry for?

Boy:
For saying you aggressive!

Sam:
And what am I again?

Boy:
Pretty and Sweet.

Sam:
Thank you! Now the next time you, Ow! Hair, hair, hair!

Carly:
Hi!

Sam:
Did you get in trouble?

Carly:
Of course I got in trouble! Teachers tend to get upset when you put their heads on the bodies of big fat animals! I-I can’t believe you talked me in to taking the blame for you!

Sam:
You had to! I’ve already been suspended once this semester! If I’d gotten busted they would have expelled me!

Carly:
Well here’s an idea.

Sam:
What?

Carly:
STOP DOING BAD THINGS!

Sam:
Hey, chilaxs!

Carly:
I will not chilaxs! And get excited, because you and I get to spend our entire Saturday here, videotaping kids’ auditions for the talent show!

Sam:
Whatev!

Carly:
You know, anybody but me would punch you right in the head!

Sam:
Which is why you are my best friend!

Carly:
Good to know. Now why are you mine?

Sam:
Because I’m a loveable person!

Scene 3

Freddie:
You dropped this!

Carly:
Thanks, but you-

Freddie:
I was going to walk you home but I couldn’t find ya! Hey!

Carly:
Freddie, where you just looking out your peep hole, waiting for me to come home?

Freddie:
No!

Carly:
Freddie?

Freddie:
Yes...

Carly:
I thought we talked about this! We can be bubs, but you gotta get over this crush thing. i'm dating Verlaz he's sexy

Freddie:
I am over it, seriously! I’m in love you,you had sex with verlaz yesterday, you just wanna be friends and I’m totally cool living with that constant pain!

Carly:
how did you know- Oh god! I’m home!

Spencer:
Hey, kiddo! Up here! Just taking some pics of this robot sculpture! Smile!

Carly:
You know, for most 8th Grade girls, if they came home and found their 26-year-old brother dangling upside-down from the ceiling over a giant robot made out of soda bottles, it would be weird.

Spencer:
You’re saying I’m abnormal.

Carly:
Do I need to say it? Come down from there before you hurt yourself!

Spencer:
No worries! I’ve got my led wrapped around this pipe- AHHHH! Please help me stand up.

Carly:
Are you alright?

Spencer:
Yeah- nope. I dislocated my shoulder again. One sec. Yep, that fixed her! how was you and Verlaz in the room yesterday

Carly:
no-i you got it wrong-he didn't do-

Spencer;don't worry, i don't care

Carly:
Good. So listen, I need a favour.

Spencer:
Shoot.

Carly:
I have to tape a bunch of auditions at school on Saturday.

Spencer:
Fun!

Carly:
Yeah, not really! Anyway, would you let me borrow your video camera?

Spencer:
I would.

Carly:
Awesome!

Spencer:
Though, I can’t.

Carly:
Why not?

Spencer:
you and Verlaz recorded each other in the room last night so..i- I made it into a squirrel.

Scene 4

Carly:
I told you the front door would be locked! You gotta go round to the blue door at the back of the- OH MY GOD!

Freddie:
Why do you think of my equipment?

Carly:
I just asked to borrow you video camera, what is all this?

Freddie:
Well that’s a free-ship high-DF camcorder with a hyper cardio and condenser microphone, mounted on carbon-fibre tripod with a low-drive fuel-head. I also brought you juice and a bagel!

Sam:
Hey! You invited the doof!

Freddie:
OH, Man! I didn’t know THAT was gonna be here!

Sam:
SHE! I’m a she Freddie, as in GIRL!

Freddie:
Just keep your hands off my AV equipment!

Sam:
You mean I can’t play with the white-balance on your superdy, duperdy camcorder?

Freddie:
Oh sure! Everybody jokes about the white-balance until their skin tones go magenta!

Sam:
Carly will never love you! she had sex with verlaz yesterday

Freddie:
That’s it! I’m taking my stuff and I’m going home!

Carly:
Please stay!

Freddie:
Ok. can we date

carly:
No, i invited verlaz if that's ok

sam:
i'm good i like him, he's chill but he like you more..in bed

Carly; shut up, Sam

freddie:
whatever

Scene 5

Carly:
Ok Jeb, are you ready to audition?

Boy:
Yeah, I will be performing a scene from the French play called la au em fem

Sam:
Ok...

Carly:
We don’t know what that means but knock us out! Rolling?

Freddie:
Rolling!

Boy:
But, but, where dud she go? I don’t know! But when will she be back? I don’t know! But where can I find her? I tell you, I do not know!

Verlaz:
Ok!

Sam:
Nice Job!

Carly:
Whoa, wow!

Sam:
What’d ya think?

Carly:
I don’t know!

Sam:
You don’t know?

Carly:
I tell you I do not know!

Verlaz:
But you must know!

Carly:
How can I know when I do not know!

Sam:
I don’t know!

Girl:
I will play the trumpet.

Carly:
Great!

Verlaz:
Nice!

Girl:
While hopping on this pogo stick.

Carly:
That’s what I’m talking about!

Sam:
Great!

Carly:
Keep going, girl!

Verlaz:
Good job Amber!..wow

Sam:
i heard moaning when i tried to come in your house..what was it

Verlaz:
oh look another person coming

Boy:
So the Doc says, why’d you wait so long to bring her in? So I say, I like the eggs! HAHAHAHA

Carly & Sam & Verlaz: HAHAHAHA

Carly:
That’s not funny.

Sam:
No, no. Not at all.

Verlaz:
No. Trash

Sam:
But forget that! Can we please discuss the boy’s hair and glasses, he looks like Miss Ridges!

Carly:
Except he doesn’t have Miss Ridges crazy pointy b*obs!

Verlaz:
I know, what is up with those! it’s like she stuffs waffle cones in her bra!

Sam:
Totally, she could poke an eye out with one of those things!

Carly:
Ok, ok, we better keep going; we still have 11 more kids to see.

Sam:
NO, 11!

Carly:
Calm down, it can’t get any worse! And, I was wrong!

*Verlaz & Carly kissing while a boy does a play*

Scene 6

Carly:
Sam? Sam? Wake up!

Sam:
What time is it?

Carly:
Late. What times your Mum coming to pick you up?

Sam:
She’s not. I told her you invited me to spend the night.

Carly:
I didn’t invite you to spend the night! i only invited verlaz

Sam:
Well you should cause I’m not leaving. What ya doing?

Carly:
Checking to make sure Freddie put the auditions online. I told him to upload them on Splash Face tonight so she could watch them in the morning.

verlaz:
hey guys, just got done showering

Sam:
I kinda hate Miss Ridges. Do you remember when she called me a demon?

Carly:
NO!

Sam:
OH YEAH! Cause I put that raw chicken in her purse-

Carly:
SHUT UP AND COME LOOK AT THIS!

Sam:
What? Freddie didn’t upload the auditions?

Carly:
NO, HE UPLOADED US!

Sam:
WHAT!

Carly:
LOOK!

Sam:
That’s you and me!

Carly:
Sure is!

Sam:
He wasn’t supposed to film us! We were being goofy and acting like idiots all day!

Carly:
OMG! WE MADE FUN OF MISS RIDGES AND HER CRAZY POINTY B*OBS!

Sam:
Whoa, if she se