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First, I shamelessly bastardized classic literature:
It was the best of times, it was the...
Wait that's not right
Anyway, good luck with the zombies
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings-
Zombies! Shit! Oh, f*ckf*ckf*ck...
Or just stole from pre-bastardized material:
It is a truth universally acknowledged
That a zombie in possession of brains
Must be in want of MORE BRAINS.
But my favorite intro text is:
This is how you died
Pour mourir en français, appuyez sur deux
Para morir en español, oprima tres
I amuse myself
THE DEAD NOW WALK THE EARTH
YOU'RE THE LAST LIVING HUMAN ALIVE
WELCOME TO HELL
Joke:
I WOKE UP LATE TODAY
AND EVERYONE IS NOW A ZOMBIE
FUCK MY LIFE
THERE WERE NO MORE COFFEE BEANS
THIS IS HOW YOU MADE ESPRESSO