Ever since i was twelve ive been sticking my fingers in my ass in the shower and removing the ♥♥♥♥ from my anus and than shoving it down drain with my fingers, i even did it at my friends house once and his shower reeked of ass for a few days as he told me on the bus to school the week after, its gross, unhygenic and weird, but it feels so good and I dont wanna do anything else. I cant even enjoy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ gmod. I've done 9 different psychedelic drugs over the past 4 months and im younger then 20, I did DOC 3 ♥♥♥♥♥♥ times. My brain is ♥♥♥♥♥♥ and I make a commitment to stop the self butt love but I can't, i tried gay sex but I feel less manhood in it and I felt like a ♥♥♥♥♥. All i can talk about is my possibly screwed mental health, what im "changing," but i cant tell anyone im literally digging for nuggets to shove into the shower drain like a play-doh set. KILL ME.