Paws rushed in, breathless, to the throne room. Your Kittyness, he cried to the majestic tomcat on the throne, they are kidnapping the people! Loaves are stealing cats!


King Felix, although aghast, composed himself and moved to steady the shaken Paws.
It will be fine, my boy; I know someone who can help. Now tell me what you know.

Paws paused to absentmindedly lick an irritating patch of fur on his leg, then told the king a shocking tale of dreadful doughboys gone rogue. The king listened intently. Cats may seem to be inattentive to most people but they are attuned to the multiverse and the king, though focused on his subjects’ plight, was also hearing a future where cats cried out in fear as they found themselves in supermarkets wrapped in plastic.

No, action had to be decisive: a rescue! There was only one person who could help.


And that is why I have called you here.

This is what a cat looks like, apparently. I am not sure I see it, myself. Okay, if you focus intently, there are some small clues.





This is the evil foe. A true chameleon in the litter tray.




I know, I know. It is uncanny. Once you recover from the enormity of the challenge ahead, read on and we will try to put some of your worries at ease and have you purring away.

If you look very closely, you can see whiskers are not on the bread. You might also just be able, after some patient training, to recognise that the cat does not in fact look quite as tasty.

You are thinking "I like cats...and I like bread, this is perfect!"
Spoiler alert: you eat neither cat nor bread.

Right then. Your first screen is this one:




This, as you would guess, is the main menu. There are only really 3 options here:

1) Gaze in wonder as the sharp, clearly-defined graphics illustrate the object of the game
2) Hit the arrow to move on to level selections
3) Click on what I suspect is something that came out of a cat. Okay, cats come out of cats. That cannot be a cat. The thing at the bottom right. It takes you to a screen where you can look at 10 images of cats wearing hats. Problem is, it appears to only let you select 4 of them. Click on the little turd (now at centre of screen) to go back to where you were and that hat-wearing cat will be the special one that appears sometimes on playing levels.

Let's try the big arrow then. (In between is a screen that seems to advertise the compositions you will find on the playing cards. Fine art, gratis.) Ahh yes, here we are at last.




The 3 options are different mini-games and, to avoid confusion (this game is already mindblowingly intricate enough), I will put each on a different section.

Left icon is the Choosing game. (Yes, I have no idea what it is called but what else?)
Middle icon is the Clicking game. (I know you are looking forward to that one but contain yourself.)
Right icon is the Matching game. (Warning: contains roguelike elements!)

I won't pretend that this part needs much explaining. This, after all, is the section designed to test your ability to tell the difference between cats and bread. A picture paints a thousand words.



Once you have clicked all the cats the little turd at the bottom right changes to an arrow. Get it done and get to it before the timer bar on the right dwindles to nothing.


Occasionally a cat in a hat will pop up on the left for bonus points. Nicely far away from the exit arrow.

I will say this - they managed to make each mini-game distinctly different from the others. I am sure you will have hours of enjoyment on this one.

This is a little more confusing to look at. What you have is a giant thing with maybe a catface on it but who honestly knows, you can see marching bands in clouds sometimes...



The important detail is the timer at the top this time. You can keep that at bay easily but you will not get enough score that way to satisfy your relentless urge to excel. Click on the Bottom Left word to score one point and extend the timer a little.

Aha! There is another (incomprehensible) word on the Bottom Right:


Click on the Bottom Right word to score 10 points but you will not gain time on this one.

The point of this level, then, is to click as often as you can on the short word then hastily return to the longer word to gain time.

All your training has been leading up to this moment. You have to rescue cats from bread but beware, touch the bread and you die.

On this level you have to abandon your Mouse. Whoever heard of a mouse controlling cats anyway? Oh yeah, cartoons. Pfft, they lack this game's realism. Use WASD or Arrow Keys on Keyboard.



Simple enough at first but Hardcore gaming at its finest later on. Use supreme feline champion reflexes and coordination to move the cat in the hat you (maybe) selected to the bigger one that appears to have no interest in being rescued and avoid the bread which will sometimes be right on top of the target cat.

The timer is your enemy here of course. Ahh Time, enemy of all. Keep maneuvering to rescue the nonchalant cat till you hit bread by accident or the timer runs out while you are being too careful. I want to say "Don't be a..." but I think you get the idea.

Well, that is it for the game. All that remains is to exit by hitting Escape as there is only so much excitement a kitten can handle. Maybe save it for special occasions when you and some friends are drinking vodka and doing your worst attempts at Russian accents. Calling each other Ivan and Natasha. Come on, we have all been there...

Cat games are awesome. Bread can be entertaining and not just in a food-fight. Maybe this game's popularity suffered as a result of being released one month after another bread-related game. Who can plumb these mysteries? Don't ask me, I'm no baker. Or a plumber.


Unfortunately, the potential for interactions between cats and bread may be limited so a sequel seems unlikely, though it will still make a nice stocking filler for xmas.


I hope this guide was entertaining. I will not pretend it was in-depth. Here, though, just to show I put some thought into it, I present a recent discovery - a translation of an old Siberian poem about the problems of telling objects apart:

What is that there, upon the mat?
Is it bread or is it cat?
It does not move, no show of claws;
And so a worry gives me pause:
What if it is a cat I eat,
Expecting dough and getting meat?
What if I go to stroke a pet
And fingers find just flour and fret?
But there, she moves! My panic ends,
It is one of my feline friends.
Without a whiskered furry head
You could mistake a cat for bread.