A random Scotsman here! Most of these achievements are pretty easy to get just through playing. I am only really making this guide for two reasons – firstly, I think the game is fun and deserves some community input and secondly I have never made a guide before and wanted to try it.

Complete the campaign as far as you can before tackling specific achievements as a lot will open naturally and the more features you unlock in the campaign, the greater options you have in Skirmish where you can finish remaining achievements easily (extra heroes for example) and will have a clear idea what totals you need for them.

As for gameplay, I maxed out the basic Scotsman unit before anything else then moved on to the Turnip Turret and upgraded that – I think it is best to get the most value for each unit that you can rather than spreading tactical options. Your choice may vary for which order to take skills but I would recommend the obvious ones aimed at these objectives first – survive (health), kill (damage/accuracy/range), harvesting, recruitment.

In any level, my priorities are always establish safety for my first porridge farm, get 1-2 bagpipers working and look for the chance to expand to another patch of oats. As far as I can see, each porridge farm can sustain between 5 - 9 Scotsmen but this figure varies with settings/upgrades. I would just keep an eye on your porridge meter and pull bagpipers back to regular duties if you are using the resource too quickly. You do not want your troops deserting through hunger, especially if they are manning weapons.


Of course, laddie, a true Scotsman would upgrade whisky production first.

These ones should not take any effort and will mostly open as you play normally. Sure, you could put some effort at them if you were desperate to feature a picture of Mel Gibson...I mean William Wallace.... on your profile. Or you could just get the card...the Steam items on this game are pretty cheap and easy to find. (Any of the odd images I have used in this guide are emotes, badges or backgrounds from it.)


In any case, all I think needs to be said about these achievements is that if you are short at the end just use Skirmish mode and remember you can fine tune the options if you want to make it generally easy and no threat to a particular hero. They will unlock fine with you maxed out and the enemy restricted to Level 1 Cricketers.

Any mopping up later on will be using this mode tailored to what you want - just click on the options you wish to remove from the enemy (and for you, in some of the specific achievements) or change map.

Cheese wheel hill is my favourite for most weapon "grinds" as it gives a good perspective, allows you to have defensive lines and not worry about approaches from surprising angles and generally allows your long range weaponry to work wonders. Loch Ness is good for giving Nessie as a free weapon but the terrain is not always the best to use as it takes undue effort to control more than 2 porridge farms. A few maps are tight and controlled but some are just horrible to defend.

Warrior of the Highlands - Kill 100 enemies
Thane of the Highlands - Kill 1,000 enemies
King of the Highlands - Kill 10,000 enemies


Bagpipe Player - Recruit 100 Scotsmen in total
Bagpipe Legend - Recruit 1,000 Scotsmen in total

Fearsome Leader - Get 500 kills with Alfredo
Steal from the Rich - Get 500 kills with Robin Hood
Brave Heart - Get 500 kills with William Wallace
Celtic Wrath - Get 500 kills with Queen Boadicea


Ach, oor leader Alfredo. Whit a fine figure o' a man. Richt doon tae yon porridge dribblin' aff his beard.

Note that once you place a weapon you need to assign a Scotsman to it and if he dies put another one on it as quickly as possible. You should also ensure that any weapon has an entourage nearby, no matter how capable it looks; they need regular Scotsmen as protection.

These achievements should not be worried about till after the campaign. At that point you will have most of them. Certainly, you can start upgrading a weapon during the campaign to try to get more kills with it as you go but it might not be the best tactical option.

Having said that, the game is about fun. Make a bang and have a blast.


Porridge Warrior - Kill 1,000 enemies with porridge bowls
This is just your standard Scotsman attack, the thrown projectile. It is pretty certain to unlock quickly, since you should be attempting to max out thrown attacks to destroy them before they swamp you.

Brawler - Kill 500 enemies in melee
Again, it is your basic Scotsman but close combat. This should just unlock but will take longer, assuming you are concentrating on your ranged attack to minimise risk. Melee means the enemy has gotten in too close for comfort.

Airstrike - Kill 250 enemies with bagpipe artillery
A little harder. Make sure everything else is ticking over safely as bagpipe artillery needs manual aiming. Click on the number displayed on it (this is your ready shots) and a target of red circles appears at the mouse pointer. Aim where you want it to come down and click again, as many times as you want it to fire there. It takes 5-8 seconds for the airstrike to land so generally I will use it to take out the static targets like Englishmen throwing long-range teacups.

Mow Them Down - Kill 1,000 enemies with turnip turrets
A fairly devastating (and noisy) machine gun. I love to line up a handful of these with some troops scattered amongst them.

Golf Champion - Kill 1,000 enemies with golf balls
Quite effective at picking out annoyances at range. Only sporting to shout Fore to warn them though.

Drunkard - Kill 500 enemies with whisky vomit
The whisky requires close range so I feel this one is best left for Skirmish mode unless you really want that special sozzled ambience...

Cannoneer - Kill 1,000 enemies with porridge cannons
A basic weapon you start with early on but it is only good at short range so use it to defend a base rather than strike enemies down from afar. Does NOT use up porridge supplies.

Siege Engineer - Kill 1,000 enemies with haggis catapults
Good long range and impact radius but slow delivery. For quick completion on this one I would leave it for slow-moving enemies on Skirmish as it misses a lot otherwise.

Squish - Kill 500 enemies with cheese wheels
An absolutely useless weapon except on maps with hills; even then, not that lethal. Do it at the end and pick a map on Skirmish. The one below is the obvious Cheese Wheel Hill.

Time to be horrible to your neighbours, I'm afraid. Who am I kidding, they are asking for it.

Again, I would not worry too much about these till the end. Skirmish mode is great for being able to pick what enemies (out of the ones you have met in campaign mode) come at you. With the exception of the Leprechauns, you can just pick a single type to fight. Oh wait, you thought you would line up beefy Scotsmen against tiny little green guys and butcher them? At least give them some muscle to back them up, it's only fair.

What I will do is point out some of their strengths and weaknesses.

Mashed Potato - Kill 500 Irish Potato Farmers
Although fairly easy to kill once in range, on early levels they will inflict some damage as they have a medium throwing range and use cover, so you may have to maneuver a little.

Deflated Balls - Kill 500 Welsh Rugby Players
Do NOT let these guys get near, they are brutal in close combat but have no ranged attack.


Hat Trick - Kill 500 English Cricket Players
Probably one of the softest opponents as they die easily and their ranged attack is short. They are good at whacking walls down but an upgraded Scotsman deals with them swiftly.

Back In Your Graves - Kill 500 Ancient Briton Warriors
Fast-moving lightweights but by the time you meet them you will be well-equipped to slaughter them in their hordes.

Teapot Smasher - Kill 500 Posh Englishmen
Long range, good accuracy and inconsiderately stay away from your Scotsmen, though weapons like Golf, Artillery and Catapults excel. If they are on the map, make some walls.

Roast Lamb - Kill 500 Welsh Sheep Riders
Not as scary as I imagined before I faced them, they use their speed to close to use their ranged weapons. Just have more firepower than them. Light cavalry.

Porridge Beats Guns - Kill 500 Beefeaters
Slow and by the time you face these guys, they are no contest. You will be upgraded enough that you can just slaughter them with weapons of mass satire.

Defier of Shamrocks - Kill 500 Leprechauns
Cheeky little guys. I know it says they will try to steal your gold but they just seem to die. Fast-moving but no attack.

Okay, we could just call this Miscellaneous but where is the fun in that?

Hoarder - Have 2,000 gold at once
Quite easy once you get a few levels in, I did this on the Edinburgh Porridge Factory. You want somewhere defensible that does not need you to buy siege weapons, just walls.

Massive Stockpile - Have 5,000 porridge at once
As with Hoarder, above, it was same level I got it on. Control some porridge patches and do not make too many troops. Although both of these are easy, they are not quite automatic.

Highland Army - Have 50 Scotsmen at once
Easier than it at first appears. Your Scotsmen will start deserting if porridge runs out but control a few patches, crank up the bagpipes and it is not that hard to hit 50 on some levels.

Mastery - Fully upgrade a stat
Unless you are trying to make your Scotsman a Renaissance Man, you will do this rapidly just by sensible play.

Specialist - Fully upgrade all stats on a single unit
Do this on the Scotsman before touching upgrades on any siege weapons. Takes more points than them but it is the only unit you will always need and who keeps the others safe.

Deadly Strike - Hit 5 enemies with a single artillery strike or haggis
Sounds hard but fairly easy. As under Airstrike in Weapons section: manual targetting, click number then click on target area on ground. Watch the mini-map for clusters of enemies.

Friend of Nessy - Kill 10 enemies with Nessie in a single match
(Nessy is a spelling site, lol.) Loch Ness map on Skirmish once it unlocks, pick low level Cricketers, longer round setting, base at porridge patch by coast and hang back a little.

People's Uprising - Complete a skirmish match without heroes
On the Skirmish start page, just click on each hero you have to put a big red X over their image. Simple as that. As always, one penalty is easily outweighed by other mods.

Guerilla - Complete a skirmish match without towers
Similarly, click out each of your walls and weapons (Defences) so only heroes available. Make yourself level 6 and enemy level 1 and let the massacre begin as usual.

Underdog - Defeat a level 6 enemy on level 1 in skirmish mode
(Screenshot below.) The Loch Ness map makes it more simple since Nessie is a fine ally. Again, Cricketers; a single porridge cannon and a lot of walls should be okay. (Save cash for replacing walls.) I used Alfredo alone but maybe unlock more heroes first.

The “Most likely to appear on your achievement showcase” Award goes to....

...I want to say "some guy in a skirt" but I think people might miss the irony - I have worn a kilt on occasion and was proud to do so.

No True Scotsman - Complete a skirmish match on easy

Novice Scotsman - Complete a skirmish match on medium

Brave Scotsman - Complete a skirmish match on hard

True Scotsman - Complete a skirmish match on impossible


If you are struggling with the difficulty level challenges above on Skirmish, remember it is only about that one selection option on that mode. Everything else can be stacked in your favour - for example, take level 1 enemy, level 6 Scotsman, Loch Ness map and pick your enemies.

Thanks for reading. I hope this guide either helped or entertained you. The game is amazing - if you have stumbled in here, bleary-eyed and misclicking, then you have come to the right place! To the rest of you, why are you reading this when you could be hurling porridge bowls?














For anyone out there who is actually Scottish and not just having a laugh at the bearded folk from the land of turnips and porridge (well why not, we do it to everyone else after all), I am not even sure I got the Old Scots right but....

Dae ye ken yon wee carle frae ♥♥♥♥♥,
Whase auld breeks war aye fawin doun?
Ance he wis eerant i’the toun
Whan breeks fell doun an’ shawed the muin,
Afore a wumman frae Dunoon.
Thon wifie flem’t him wi a spuin,
Up causey wynd an’ skelpt puir loon.
We’ll hae a dram tae carle frae ♥♥♥♥♥.