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Hemoclobber Wooden Skin

Made by the most highly advanced hippies in the world who have graduated elementary with relatively high honors, this beautiful new weapon was designed out of a dire need to find an eco-friendly solution for exterminating the abominable zeds without risking polluting the environment with toxic lead.

Powered by natural energies extracted from the remains of your fallen enemies, this gorgeous lump of stump isn't only good at bashing your enemies' brains in, but it can also inspire your friends to adopt a healthier and more natural lifestyle to possibly provide longevity to their lifespan! Just give them a good whack and let nature take its course

Truly this is what I would call a miracle on a stick.