Christmas Cake Recipe
Ingredients
1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Johnnie Walker


Instructions
Sample the Johnnie Walker to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electic mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK. Try another cup.
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a crap.
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or something. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 350 defrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Poor the mashty nesh in the washing machine and sret to water cycle.
Drink all the fookin' whixy and go to bed.