𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍! ! ♡

Hey I found your steam through a mutual and I just wanted to say that I think we could get along real well :) I don't normally do things like this cause I'm a real gentleman :3, but do you want to maybe play a bit of cs sometime (omg I'm so embarrassed) >< I could go on my smurf so you don't have to put in that much effort, even though you're like the best and you'll probably be on top every round. When I see your name I just feel like we have this special connection that I can't describe in words, I think.. maybe we knew each other in a past life xDD like I can do the cooking and everything <3 I can't believe I'm writing this all out to you >< !! Even if you reject me it's all worth it just for you, my wuv <3 (plz don't reject me !!)

Hawk Tuah ruined my life.

I am cooked tuah crisp. I need tuah walk tuah gym, and talk tuah therapist, I got tuah lock tuah fucc in, and invest in some stock tuah make money, and if I start tuah-king tuah more people, maybe a baddie will give me hawk tuah. I am so shock tuaht myself, cuz I have tuah much brainro tuah, and im gonna get mocked tuah oblivion, and I will be told tuah tuah-ch grass, but I'm not going tuah worry, cuz I got a glock tuah, and if my life starts tuah-ppling down even more, Imma pull tuah trigger and fire 2tuah, shots intuah my brain, or I'll jump intuah tuah-oaster bath-Uah.

And Instead of spitting on that thang, i should be studying for my exams.

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" I say to myself as I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. I blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot. I taunt, "Tally ho lads!" as the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, with the sound and extra shrapnel setting off car alarms. I fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.

Ah, just as the founding fathers intended.

IS YOUR CHILD TEXTING ABOUT COMMUNISM?

brb= better redistribute bread

lol= let's overthrow landlords

smh= seize means of production, hurry!

tbh= take back housing

stfu= support the factory union

tfw= tyranny-free workplaces

rofl= revolution's on for later?

idc= international democratic confederalism

btw= bourgeoisie trample workers