"MY COUSIN VINNY"
Original Screenplay
by
Dale Launer
REVISED DRAFT
January 2, 1991
REVISION #1 (BLUE)
January 7, 1991
REVISED #2 /PINK)
January 23, 1991
REVISED #3 (GREEN) February 7, 1991
REVISED #4(YELLOWl
February a, 1991
REVISED #5 /GOLDENROD)
February 27, 1991
(
EXT. ALABAMA BACK ROAD - DAY
It's a sunny, winter day on a paved country in south/western
Alabama. In the distance, peaking over a loping hill we see a
faded metallic green, 1964 Buick Skylark with a white
convertible top and New York plates. As it approaches, we see
two young men in the car, both with dark hair and sunglasses.
They look cool.
CLOSE SHOT - RADIO
A hand turns the dial in search of something contemporary -- finding nothing but country music •••
RADIO
(singing)
If you can't live without me, then
why aren't you dead ••• ?
••• and local ads with southern accents, farm reports, evangelists, gospel singers, and a woman with marital problems seeks guidance from a radio preacher.
ON THE ROAD
The two-lane paved country road passes through huge fields of
cotton plants - little shrubs with little, fluffy tufts of
white. On the side of the road, every 100 yards or so, we see
8' X 8' X 20' trussed-up, squared-off bales of cotton covered
with plastic tarps - waiting to be picked up and trucked off.
Up ahead they approach a long bed truck filled with logs on the
way to a sawmill -- this is also lumber country. They overtake
the truck.
They also pass a lot of things you see in the deep south that
you don't see up north -- little, ramshackle fruit stands with
weather-beaten signs saying "We accept food stamps," crude hand-lettered signs offering Vidalia onions, pecans, propane,
bull• for sale, a cattle crossing sign -- a black silhouette of
a cow on a round yellow background with a black border, grain
silo• -- big and small.
INT. CAR BACK SEAT
A Rolling Stone magazine, a People magazine, and a variety of
textbooks: The Rhetoric of No, Introduction to Physics,
Introduction to Political Science, and a WELCOME TO UCLA
pamphlet -- these are college kids. Also in the back seat is a1 old (broken) "ghetto blaster" with a tape coming out of it, som,
empty soda cans, junk food wrappers, empty Sterno cans, an empt·
cooler, a map to the south (and a line drawn for the route), a variety of socks, sweaters, etc. etc.
2.
X2 CONTINUED:
FRONT SEAT
Driving the car is BILL GAMBINO, 21, Italian-American descent,
from New York, optimistic and carefree. The passenger is STAN
ROTHSTEIN, also 21, Jewish, pessimistic, analytical and precise.
They're bright, college kids in need of a shower and a shave,
but they could be confused for derelicts.
J(3 EXT. OFF THE ROAD - WOODS - STAN AND BILL - NIGHT
"Camped. out." Bill's heating up a can of "beans and franks"
over a can of Sterno.
LATER THAT NIGHT
Tucked into sleeping bags. WE HEAR BUGS IN THE AIR. Stan slaps at the bugs. Bill is fast asleep. TITLES END.
v( 4 EXT. SAC-O-SUDS CONVENIENCE STORE - MORNING
v< 5
Like a 7-11. Stan and Bill drive up, park and enter.
INT. SAC-O-SUDS - CAMERA PANS OVER BEANS
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL,Bill and Stan in the canned
vegetable section, looking over the beans. They're holding cans
of beans, Sterno, tortillas -- anything cheap, all cradled in
one arm, using their free hands to pick things off the shelves.
STAN
(points)
Here's some for 37 cents.
BILL
(looking harder)
Here's some for 32.
STAN
(victorious)
31.
They look more.
BILL
I think that's it.
STAN
(still looking,
disappointed) Don't they have generics?
5 CONTINUED:
STAN
I think this is their generic.
BILL
(points, 31 cent can)
I've never heard of this brand ...
(points, 32 cent can)
••. maybe we should get this
one ... maybe it's worth the penny.
STAN
(grabs 31 cent can) Nah •.. you're paying for
advertising.
3"
They walk down the aisle, balancing the precarious 'load of cans.
BILL
(sees something that
catches his eye) Tuna. Should we get tuna?
STAN
(complaining)
Oh God, please -- no more tuna.
BILL
It's got protein. We need
protein.
STAN
(moving on) Beans have protein.
BILL
Beans make you fart.
STAN
We got a convertible.
BILL
I'm gettin' it for myself.
He reaches for it, almost dropping what he has - and there's
little room for more. So he puts the can in his jacket pocket.
MICROWAVE - Stan is heating up a burrito.
The COUNTERMAN/CASHIER is a wiry, unfriendly guy. He serves Bill a slush drink -- about two thirds full, then adds up the
grocery tab.
(CONTINUED)
4 •
5 CONTINUED: (2)
y 7
CASHIER
,1,and one burrito and one large slush,
(punches up total)
$21.67.
BILL
Can you fill this up?
The cashier looks at the drink, he sighs, then fills it back up
and gives it back to Bill without comment. The Cashier then
puts the groceries into a brown paper bag as Stan and Bill dig
in their pockets.
EXT, SAC-O-SUDS ..
Stan and Bill exit, get in their car and leave. Bill drives.
Nearby are row houses - small, box-like houses with severely peeling paint on dusty-gray, old bare wood, meager-looking
porches, windows covered with rusted screens and sagging, rusty
metal roofs.
INT, BUICK - BILL AND STAN - 20 MINUTES I.ATER
Driving along. Bill remembers about the tuna in his pocket. He
reaches into his POCKET ••• and pulls out the can of tuna. He
motions for Stan to look,
BILL
Look. I.,.forgot to pay for it.
STAN
(thinks)
You could've gotten caught.
(beat) What if someone saw?
Bill shakes his head at the thought. It was a dumb thing.
STAN
The laws are medieval down here.
You know what the minimum age for
execution is in Alabama?
BILL
16?
STAN
TEN.
Bill can't believe it. He glances in the mirror.
*
I
\.
7 CONTINUED:
REAR-VIEW MIRROR - There's a cop behind them.
BILL
There's a cop behind us.
STAN
A cop?
BILL
There's nothing to worry about.
STAN
There might be.
BILL
There's nothfrig to worry about until there's something to worry
about.
STAN
(beat) What's he doing now?
BILL
(glances in rear-view) Nothing.
STAN
'Nothing' -- he's still following us, isn't he?
BILL
He's not following us -- he's just behind us.
STAN
(beat, BEAT, BEAT) Is he •still there?-
BILL
(glances up again)
Yeah,
STAN
(deeply distressed) ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
BILL
Calm down. There's a cop behind
us, that's all. Nothing's wrong.
There's no problem. (more)
(CONTINUED)
5.
...,,
- 7 CONTINUED: ( 2)
BILL (Cont'd) (glances in rear-view
mirror, his heart
sinks) Uh oh.
STAN
(terrified) What?! What 'uh oh'? What?
What?
BILL
His light's on.
Stan ig:crushed. He slams the dashboard with his fist.
STAN
♥♥♥♥! ♥♥♥♥! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! What're we going to do?
BILL
(pulls car over) It's probably nothing. A
taillight or something, don't
worry.
STAN
We don't have money for bail!
BILL
. (amused by Stan's worrying) We don't .!l!!.!! money for bail; nothing's happened.
STAN
Nothing? You're getting pulled
over aren't you? You stole
something, didn't you? (doomed) We're ♥♥♥♥♥♥,
(Bill keeps his eye on
the mirror)
MIRROR - The Sheriff's car door opens.
Stan looks at Bill for comment.
BILL
Here he comes.
6.
--~--·-----------------------------~,,__---=-,. .. The DEPUTY hides behind the door.
7 •
7 CONTINUED: (3)
y 8
DEPUTY fl
SHOW ME YOUR HANDS.
Stan and Bill exchange dumbfounded looks. They put their hands
up. The deputy rests his pistol on the door.
DEPUTY fl
GET OUT OF THE CAR AND PUT YOUR
HANDS ON YOUR HEAD.
INT. LINEUP - BILL AND STAN AND OTHERS
Stan and Bill are led into a makeshift lineup room, where they
"~ stand along a group of men - none looking remotely like Bill or Stan. Bright, blinding lights. They have to squint.
v\' 9
STAN
(whispering to Bill) Ridiculous -- all this over a can
of tuna!
VOICE
(firmly)
KEEP QUIET.
EXT. SAC-0-SUDS - DAY
SHERIFF FARLEY - a man aged around 50 - is watchi.ng the dead
body of the Cashier being photographed.
(CONTINUED)
--~-----