Recent reviews by 100galileo

All Cookie Clicker players have a responsibility that is common between them, forklift drivers, and escorts that specialize in elderly clientele:

It's very important to know when to stop.

I have a headache. But in a good way.

I first knew this game was good when I noticed if there was too much water vapour in an area it would form clouds and rain.

This game really does get worse the better you are at it.
If you really want to play this, just know that the game will stop being fun before it's over.

Why do I hurt myself so?

Easily the best platformer I've played. It takes a lot of time and refinement to make a game system that is basically perfect, and this is one of ~3 game's I've seen do it.

Pros:
- Perfectly fair: Shows you all level layouts and enemy patterns from the beginning of the game, so there are no surprises.
- Great control: Control feels extremely natural and provides adequate player expression in the game space.
- Satisfying gameplay: Tension and release cycles are wound into multiple systems, meaning gameplay is always fun. (IE
speed is hard to build up but rewarding to have; getting more gold is good but often puts you in more danger)
- Overwhelming amount of content: Has over 2000 levels and a level editor, so you will inevitably be done with the game
before the game runs dry of content. This lets you consume the exact amount of gameplay you want.
- Great music, and lets you add your own music if you don't like the default
- Full leaderboards with frame and pixel-perfect records
- Online level sharing
- Local multiplayer: Not many games let me have 4 people crowded around my PC anymore

Cons:
- Not perfectly optimised for all resolutions
- No online multiplayer (I know this was avoided due to ping messing with replay recording, but they could have still tried)
- I died over 400 times on one level

Buy N++ instead.

My head hurts

Here's something you can learn from reading the positive reviews: They never mention gameplay.
TLDR; This game doesn’t have enough player control to warrant the level of critical thinking necessary to micromanage your brain-dead subjects. 70% of this game is holding down one button for 10-60 seconds at a time and waiting.

The positive reviews always say, "it looks pretty" or "it's relaxing." They never mention gameplay. That's because the player has an exceedingly low level of interaction with the game system. YOU don't do anything in this game, you only tell your subjects to do it for you. The player is also given almost no tools to tell subjects what to do; So, 90% of the learning in this game is just memorizing what the AI patterns of your subjects are. This game never tells you anything either, so I hope you like reading the wiki (which is shared between three nearly identical games all sold separately).
This is what killed the game for me. I beat the first level without any problems, then got stonewalled on the second because I actually needed to have a plan to succeed. But you can’t experiment too much, because this game has very few indicators of your current status relative to a failure state. But once I read the entire wiki, the game once again became a cakewalk. Did I spoil the game for myself? Maybe. But the alternative would have been bashing my head against a wall trying to learn how this game actually works through the scientific method!
Here’s a more complete list of pros and cons:
Pros:
- Pretty
- Easy to play if you have motor/cognitive problems
- Very intuitive UI
- Satisfying (only when you’re doing well)
- “Addictive”
Cons:
- Few mechanics
- Hides important information from the player almost constantly:
o Doesn’t tell you what you are supposed to know (so keep notes or just play through the entire game in one sitting)
o Almost never tells you what is happening off-screen (exceptions are the blood moon and some sound ques to walls falling)
o Doesn’t tell you what your actions will do (only ever tells you the cost)
o Doesn’t explain how anything works after the first minute, but still penalizes you for it.
o Doesn’t tell you how close you are to losing, or how to not lose. (you can screw yourself in the first 10 minutes of a level but never actually lose until 90 minutes in)
o Doesn’t tell you how your subjects think (spoiler: They’re all braindead and will run into enemies except for the knights)
- Randomness undermines strategy heavily (if a vagrant camp spawns close-ish to your base then you’ve already won. If it’s behind a portal then GG reroll the map)
- Resetting the entire map when you lose your 2 hit points heavily discourages experimentation (if you get caught behind enemy lines you will always die, for example)
- Every game on the same map feels the same
- Never indicates when you should finish the level; and punishes you for being wrong. (when should I build the boat? Whenever I’m way ahead, I guess)
- Movement is one of the worst things ever (slow+ stamina management + no gameplay)
- Winter is boring and is just a hidden failure state for if you didn’t hoard money beforehand (but wait If I have money why wouldn’t I just build the boat and leave?)
- I can’t choose my character for some reason?
- The reason it’s “addictive” is because it makes you spend WAY more time thinking about what you will do instead of actually doing it.
Anyways I’ve spent too much time on this and I’m not editing it down now, so here’s me conclusion:
Don’t buy it. Don’t play it if you got it from the jingle jam.

I still don't know how to play this game