These are a collection of quotes that's always good to read if I wanna laugh. If you're someone else reading this, a decent amount of these are inside jokes that you won't fully get unless you know the context behind them


"Wow, hardbass trap music, that's the next level of audio quality."
"If they were to nerf the hitbox, it would actually be a buff."
"Have you ever considered investing in gatorades?"
(Guy 1) : "How tall is our teacher?" (Guy 2) : "I think he's 5'12"
“Explosed”
“That’s pretty gratisfying”
"There is no reasoning with someone too moronic to take offence so, go ahead."
"I know no politics are allowed on the forums, but do y'all agree that the Jedi Council isn't fair?"
"Let's take out the drug kingping."
“What flavour of Doritos are these? I think these are default.”
“I’m gonna take this wrench and shove it up your throat.”
“I can’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ throttle dude.”
“Korean is the only English language.”
“The only way you can set water on fire is if you pour gasoline on it.”
"we neef a medoc"
“Avoirerez”
"There are countless stars in the solar system."
"The problem with the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lobster legs was, I think I overcooked it so it like dissolved it, and made it......so......is it sticky enough to like stick together and like pull out you know what I mean?"
(Guy 1) : "How much chocolate do you think is in here?" (Guy 2) : "Three"
“If you wanna make bread, all you need is some bread and some yeast.”
“Today is the next day after yesterday.”
*Guy 1 plays Snoop Dogg song* (Guy 1) : “Guess who this song is by.” (Guy 2) : “Is that Death Grips?”
“STOP SEX SOUND”
"invalid team"
“I’ve seen the movie Armageddon, I know what the sun looks like, idiot.”
“What is the circumference of a moose?”
"Dude, were you that black guy in that submarine who's like "I'm the captain now."?"
"Make sure you wash the chicken so you don't get salmaneller, or whatever it's called."
“I’ve got so much money, that, I’ve literally spent it all and I’m still not broke.”
"If you were 5,000,000 feet up, you'd be well out of the earth."
"óóññééé?"
"Taco Bekk"
"Easiee"
"Do a bacon burger"
"well if people didnt trade keys that cost ♥♥♥♥ing 3 dollars the valve stock market wont crash"
“Go through the toilet vents”
“The childer, beware”
"I'm so tired from all that offensing"
"He was like baking potatos in the grill"
"mmmmmm smell that ♥♥♥♥, that's some ground fresh paper"
"I can just imagine wrapping my heads around your neck"
"I can feel the taste dude"
"When you're energized, you have a lot of energy"
"let's go win or game is loose"
"We were just eatin' down, eating McDonalds"
"Ok so we're gonna go one two and through"
"Get away from that chromeboard"
“One chip, Dorito chip”
"YO WASSUP RYAN?"
“Wasn’t David Bowie the guy who saved the Alamo?”
"I can't see Jesus"
"The sun is warm now!"
(Guy 1) : "Did you say you had a home invasion?" (Guy 2) : "Well not literally a home invasion...." (Guy 1) : "What? How can you figuratively have a home invasion?"
"the old young Steve Jobs"
"Find a wrench to hack the blast door"
“you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up with the wrong prosperitor”
"But your chocolate lacked the depth to convince me that this is really hell."
"And I have weakly calculated the variables."
"Look up Dr. Peter AAA-AA-AA-A-A-AA-AT-AT-AT-AT-ATKINS"
"Ok so the commandu-... the commando"
“Well I literally can’t connect to Skribble.io.Skribble.io, so...”
“Oh wait you can use the key to the—... on the elevator, like you can use the elevator on the — I mean the key on the elevator.”
"Hey look there's a King Kong Donkey Kong Junior!"
"Looks like lunch is almost ready already"
(Guy 1) : "I need 9 milimeter." (Guy 2) : "Did you say you need nanometer?"
"THEY'RE BYPASSING THE BOARDS"
"This gun is the epitome of ♥♥♥♥!"
"Blue was for girls, and pink was for BLUE!"
"If you punch a kid in the head will it die instantly?"
"I can go about 2 kilometres per feet"
“gene theorpy”
“You are not my friend, you are my brother, my friend.”
"I got messed up because.... I just didn't think."
"Pretty soon they're going to release the announce dates."
"I DON'T CARE I CARE"
*Guy 1 calls Guy 2 on the phone* *Guy 2 answers* (Guy 1) : "I am calling to tell you that the time has come."
"I am changing my audio input position."
"Japanese people eating frickin' Japanese food in Korea"
"What's your definition of stealth brother?"
"We need to keep out an eye for these guys."
"Here we have 2 toothbrushes, one got me wet so I-I should'n (unintelligible) nu which one got me wet"
(Guy 1) : "Are you from Russia Federation?" (Guy 2) : "NO NO I AM FROM ENGLAND AMERICAaAaaAAaaAa"
“Not all mass shootings involve guns.”
“HE’S JUST SITTING THERE LIKE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ SACK A’ POTATOS DUDE, SHOULDA BEEN ABLE TO PEEL THIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥”
"Oh by the way, have you played the new Evil Resident 2 demo?"
“OIOIOIOIOIOI WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GUN”
"i dond dog"
"So I guess my first question for Titanfall is, how, how did you, h-how is the gameplay so smooth versus what we're actually seeing like the YouTube videos and stuff like that, of, gameplay in the sense that, they're wat- the kids are at home are watching the gameplay, and they're saying, wow ya know like this-this looks really smooth this looks really easy, how are you guys matching that same uhh... quality of game-uh to Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare"
"De-cooked fish"
"quentin tarinitoait"
"LGBBQ"
"He's using hyper bullet accuracy"
"How did he see me through the glass?"
"ain't no meat in vegan"
"Just because you've heard of him doesn't mean no one's heard of him"
"I'M BAD AT HIGH SPEED MANEUVERING!"
"You don't need weapons to defend yourself"
"He's doing the splits like he's eating cream cheese"
"They're just adding stuff they forgot to ass on their first run"
"What percentage of water is celery?"
"How many old are you?"
"Yeah I also prefer the side by side over the over and under"
(Person 1) : "Money is a big currency in game development" (Person 2) : "Money is a big currency in everything lmao"
"I like violence as long as nobody gets hurt"
"I can do that pretty much pretty good"
"Montenegro by Lil Nas X"
“Columbus is the first Canadian team to enter Canada”
"life or die, make your choose"
"They got permission from the Germanese government"