http://i.imgur.com/1W4aaCL.gif

To be fair, I did Nazi that coming. I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'Merican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. Yes.
I get this reference. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You must be a hit at parties. I like you. Doctors hate you! Instructions unclear. ♥♥♥♥ caught in you magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it.