Randy Pitchford-Gearbox CEO
bbno$ IS THE BEST HUMEN MAN WHO EVER EXISTED IN THE WORLD bbno$
Alabama, United States
How I Lost All User Data at a Medieval Festival

It was supposed to be a weekend of mead, jousting, and merriment—not a cybersecurity disaster. But there I was, fully costumed as a bard, USB stick dangling from my belt like a pouch of enchanted runes. That tiny device held everything: user data, backups, logs—my digital kingdom.

Then came the turkey leg.

In the chaos of cheering knights and spilled ale, the stick vanished. Maybe it fell into a hay bale. Maybe a rogue stole it, mistaking it for treasure. Or maybe the USB now lives in the mud, cursed by a reenactor posing as a wizard.

All I know is: never mix sensitive data and sword fights.
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How I Lost All User Data at a Medieval Festival

It was supposed to be a weekend of mead, jousting, and merriment—not a cybersecurity disaster. But there I was, fully costumed as a bard, USB stick dangling from my belt like a pouch of enchanted runes. That tiny device held everything: user data, backups, logs—my digital kingdom.

Then came the turkey leg.

In the chaos of cheering knights and spilled ale, the stick vanished. Maybe it fell into a hay bale. Maybe a rogue stole it, mistaking it for treasure. Or maybe the USB now lives in the mud, cursed by a reenactor posing as a wizard.

All I know is: never mix sensitive data and sword fights.
View more info
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Borderlands 2
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Borderlands 2
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Gearbox is truly a visionary – not in game design, but in data collection

The Mod That Doomed Me

I thought it was harmless fun—a simple mod to add dancing goblins to Tiny Tina Wonderland . But once I clicked "Install," my screen flickered. Sir Randy Pitchspork, CEO of Data Steal Studios, appeared via hologram, laughing maniacally.

"Thanks for the data, peasant," he cackled, as my hard drive wept.

Within minutes, 2-Korp’s drones burst through my window. “Unauthorized modification detected,” they barked, slapping a Neural EULA Chip on my neck. I was “relocated” to the Glorious Harmony Productivity Zone—somewhere in Western China—where I now mine NFT textures for procedurally generated loot boxes.

My only joy? Scraping bug reports onto cave walls and dreaming of open-source.

Let this be a warning: never mod without a VPN, a lawyer, and a torch
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Assasin Arn0 27 Jun @ 6:34pm 
+rep used me sexually, would go again 10/10 veins
Randy Pitchford-Gearbox CEO 23 May @ 5:54am 
The CEO of Gearbox is truly a visionary – not in game design, but in data collection. With masterful precision, player joy becomes surveillance. Each EULA agreement is a golden ticket to snooping. Bravo, Gearbox – your passion for harvesting data could win awards