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I met Matt at a restaurant once, we’d accidentally been given his table. He was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, but the management had messed up. The manager ♥♥♥♥ by and says “I’m sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table” My sister and cousin were both “Yeah that’s cool”, I kind of played a bit. “Sorry, I don’t understand. We just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal?” Out of nowhere Matt shows up next to the manager and says “These guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar” And I said “Oh wow, I had no idea. Please give him the table.” I gave him a call later that night, and long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Matt and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.

When a girl gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when McSpannering orders a 240v ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Pro 5000 blow up latex doll with 6 speed pulsating ***, elasticised anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system...he's called a pervert!

MC necrophiliac, where are my dead bodies at
Crashing funerals just so that I can get a whiff of that
Decomposing body scent, my favourite aphrodesiac
Flat-lining gives me a pavlovian erection in my pants
Turn-offs include breathing pulses and signs of life
My turn-ons are rigor mortis cold flesh and suicide
If you're not stiff as a board I won't be stiff and I'll be bored
Wait what do we have here? Looks like I'm about to score

In japan we don't say 'I love you' we say 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 which doesn't mean anything it just spells out 'Extra Thicc' in japanese symbols.

So me and Matt have been playing dota for roughly 6 months now.
We were both in a game one night, against an opposition that included Medusa. During a particularly intense teamfight, Medusa ults, and Matt is facing her, so I shout "don't look directly at her!!!"
What does he do? He literally looks away from his PC monitor, in the heat of the moment he lost his mind and literally didn't look at Medusa with his own eyes. Fkng n00b af.