Unmatched Difficulty!
/ Navigate a labyrinth of FAQs and forums as you take on the ultimate test of patience in trying to get your game to launch.

/ Engage in tireless trial and error as you attempt to smooth out your framerate and improve graphics and performance with 3rd-party mods.

/ Measure the true extent of your PC elitism upon realizing just how trashy the keyboard & mouse controls are.

Hardcore Role-playing/Life Simulation!
/ Select a class, meticulously customize your appearance, then play through the game unsatisfied with the final results. In fact, spend 95% of the game looking like your own corpse. Be reminded constantly of your own mortality and question the long-term merits of your purchase decision as you gaze into the lifeless eyes of your broken, decrepit avatar.

/ Sit at bonfires, refill flasks, wander off, pick fights, lose, black out, reawaken at bonfires... Lordran will help you prepare for your own future with this poorly-disguised alcoholism metaphor.

/ Shuffle forward like a real-life Mondoshawan as you put on increasingly heavy pieces of armor while believing the added pseudo-protection is actually worth it. Each another burden. Each a regret.

/ Continously fight the urge to access the wiki for information that will save you from dozens of wasted hours and disastrous mistakes. Go ahead. Go ahead and play God, you weak coward.

/ Stave off those suicidal thoughts by piecing together the lore and making up your own story as you're stuck fighting in the same area, against the same enemies, for entire sessions or even days. Let that imaginary world drift into reality so it can gradually take over for good.

Oh and there's PvP!
Break the monotony of dying against game stuff by taking on REAL people in this carefully-crafted fishing simulator minigame! There's so much to look forward to in enthusiast- and pro-level PvP!! Here's a sneak peak:

- Backstabs

- Strafe Backstabs

- Lock-on Sprint Backstabs

- Lock-off Sprint Backstabs

- Roll Backstabs

- Reverse-roll Backstabs

- Delayed Lock-off Roll Backstabs

- Roll-escape Punish Backstabs

- Stagger to Sprint Backstabs

- Chain Backstabs

- Dual Backstabs

- Poise-tank Backstabs

- Toggle-escape Backstabs

- Counter Backstabs

- Backstab-escape Backstabs

- Counter Backstab-escape Backstabs

- Reverse Wakeup Chainstab Defense Backstabs

And God knows what else! There's still so much more to discover!


Results!

Story: N/A / 0

Music & Sound: Demon's Was Slightly Better / 10

Level Design: 10 or more Pre-patched Bounding Demons in the Lava / 10

Gameplay: What is Collision Detection / 10

PvE: 99 Resistance / 10

PvP: ALT+F4 / 10

Replay Value: NG+7 / 10

Overall: Large Ember / 10

Unmatched Difficulty! / Navigate a labyrinth of FAQs and forums as you take on the ultimate test of patience in trying to get your game to launch. / Engage in tireless trial and error as you attempt to smooth out your framerate and improve graphics and performance with 3rd-party mods. / Measure the true extent of your PC elitism upon realizing just how trashy the keyboard & mouse controls are. Hardcore Role-playing/Life Simulation! / Select a class, meticulously customize your appearance, then play through the game unsatisfied with the final results. In fact, spend 95% of the game looking like your own corpse. Be reminded constantly of your own mortality and question the long-term merits of your purchase decision as you gaze into the lifeless eyes of your broken, decrepit avatar. / Sit at bonfires, refill flasks, wander off, pick fights, lose, black out, reawaken at bonfires... Lordran will help you prepare for your own future with this poorly-disguised alcoholism metaphor. / Shuffle forward like a real-life Mondoshawan as you put on increasingly heavy pieces of armor while believing the added pseudo-protection is actually worth it. Each another burden. Each a regret. / Continously fight the urge to access the wiki for information that will save you from dozens of wasted hours and disastrous mistakes. Go ahead. Go ahead and play God, you weak coward. / Stave off those suicidal thoughts by piecing together the lore and making up your own story as you're stuck fighting in the same area, against the same enemies, for entire sessions or even days. Let that imaginary world drift into reality so it can gradually take over for good. Oh and there's PvP! Break the monotony of dying against game stuff by taking on REAL people in this carefully-crafted fishing simulator minigame! There's so much to look forward to in enthusiast- and pro-level PvP!! Here's a sneak peak: - Backstabs - Strafe Backstabs - Lock-on Sprint Backstabs - Lock-off Sprint Backstabs - Roll Backstabs - Reverse-roll Backstabs - Delayed Lock-off Roll Backstabs - Roll-escape Punish Backstabs - Stagger to Sprint Backstabs - Chain Backstabs - Dual Backstabs - Poise-tank Backstabs - Toggle-escape Backstabs - Counter Backstabs - Backstab-escape Backstabs - Counter Backstab-escape Backstabs - Reverse Wakeup Chainstab Defense Backstabs And God knows what else! There's still so much more to discover! Results! Story: N/A / 0 Music & Sound: Demon's Was Slightly Better / 10 Level Design: 10 or more Pre-patched Bounding Demons in the Lava / 10 Gameplay: What is Collision Detection / 10 PvE: 99 Resistance / 10 PvP: ALT+F4 / 10 Replay Value: NG+7 / 10 Overall: Large Ember / 10