[Explosives 24/25] "You just light it up and throw it away, how hard can it be?"


[Charisma 49/50] "Look, my wife left me with the kids and my sarge´ is all up in my ass about busting something, I just want to relax for once, so please, sell me some illegal mariuhana cigarette goods in a self incriminate amount."




^Art depicting Afghan soldiers defeating the USA circa 2021


I dreamed about a book that solves all problems mankind ever had.
I found it but it was written in an unsophisticated and unintelligible language known to an unfortunate few as "Danish" so I tossed it in the garbage.. where it belongs.


Hi! I'm P. van Boch, ex-Stormtrooper and the real father of Luke S. , I invented the invisible coat for Harry Potter, clean water, automobiles, porn, internet and of course fire. I'm ex-King Of The FBI, ex-King Of The Hill, Former Dancing With Stars Champion, Former WBC, WBA, WBO and IBF World Boxing Champion at Featherweight, Bantamweight, Welterweight, Middleweight and Heavyweight. And I am the winner of Mr. Douchebag 2015. I'm ex-CIA, ex-USMC and ex-Speznas. I was in seal team 6, the one that killed Osama it was nothing personal just a job. I have the license to kill. I have the real Justin Bieber chained up in my basement so i can torture him every day and i build myself a Bieber Robot to earn money he is licensed by my company i called "SkyNet". I'm CEO in a developer studio currently I work on a game called "Survive the Nights". I'm a former restaurateur with a chain that I named "KFC" (Maybe you heared of it already). Friday is my Poker-Night down in Pandemonium with my friend Seymour, God, Satan (Setevar like he wants to be called) and Osama Bin Laden and I never loose. I turned down the role of President Of the United States due to an injury. I trained John Rambo, The Terminator and Conan The Barbarian.
My best friend is Jean Claude Van Damme.
And my hobbys are gaming and holding my breath underwater untill the world starts to get fuzzy.


Favorit Quotes:

"People are weird, that's why I keep it in the family."

"Eight"

"Definitely needs more blood.."

"But I lit the match already!"

"Well ♥♥♥♥ me sideways"

"Son, Sometimes a man´s gotta do another man."


How about some healthy sexism and bigotry for the road?:

-I'm kinda so-so on abortion. I mean, I support it because it kills babies, but I dont support it because it gives women a choice.

-What does a fat girl and a motor scooter have in common?
They are both fun and games till your buddies catch you on one.