People with extremely low IQ's usually learn to orgasm by age 13. People with extremely high IQ's usually learn at age 7 or so. I had my first orgasm at age 3 by rubbing my genitals on hot air vents. When I had an IQ test as a child it was so high that they didn't tell me because they thought I would become conceited. I later discovered it was 170. The standard IQ test is flawed because it only measures intelligence thru a narrow scope which is why it favors artificial intelligence and Asians despite their social ineptitude.

This one time I went on a hike with my friend and he brought a large Ziploc bag of trail mix and he went off to take a leak by a tree and I jacked his trail mix and I went behind a tree myself and I squeezed one out really quick and I busted a nut inside of his trail mix. And when he came back he said, "What's this? Melted white chocolate?"

And I said, "No, I just felt your trail mix wasn't diverse enough and I wanted to give you another kind of nut in your trail mix to be a good friend."

He looked at me and a tear fell down his cheek and he said, "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. You're really the best friend I could ever ask for." And he gobbled up that trail mix without a second thought.

That was one of the greatest days of my life and I really bonded with that friend that day. We still text back and forth and we reminisce about those where he ate my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nut.

can you just go back to Japan and pose?

I once drank a whole gallon of milk in a day and I could feel my bones expand. At first I thought I was just full from the milk, but my skin started to form stretch marks and I was visibly wider. I didn't know what was happening but I had an uncontrollable urge to drink more milk. I drove into the nearest gas station and literally ripped the door off the rifrigerated section containing the milk.

I started chugging gallon after gallon of milk standing right there in the store, my skin ripping at the seams. The cashier ran over to stop me but I swatted him aside and in one clean blow he landed across the room, shattering every bone in his pathetic meat suit. There was nothing left of him but a wet bloody puddle deprived of structure. I never thought I had it in me to kill but by now I had ascended beyond petty morality.

As I finished my eighth gallon it felt as though my stomach would rupture. My ribs broke out of my chest like a baby xxenomorph. My finger bones had grown through my hands a white nub could be seen protruding from my nose. My face was so stretched over my now massive skull I looked like Jenny McCarthy. My biceps and muscles were hard and calcified. My boner now had a bone.

I finished my twelfth gallon and began screaming and flexing, my skin tearing around my robust skeletal frame. With one final push I shed my meat chrysalis. I was free.

I didn't even use the door I simply walked out the wall of the gas station. Mortar and stone yielded to my mighty calcium. The cops were already there. In terror they began firing at me but even lead is no match for calcium. I walked straight toward one, reached down his throat and pulled his skeleton from his flesh sheath. With his bone I assembled a mighty claymore sword. With a single swing I cleaved the Earth in twain and descended into the inky black. Here I wait until the time I'm called into service for the great skellington war.