A kind person.

When I first met this magnificent creature online, they invited me into a game lobby, whispered gently into my ears, "Prepare yourself," and proceeded to absolutely violate my self-esteem harder than an overpriced Steam sale violates my wallet. They skillfully spanked my stats until I couldn’t even find the respawn button. Ever since, I've been haunted by visions of their dominance, waking up in cold sweats, murmuring their username softly, while secretly hoping they'll destroy me once more. My therapist says it's unhealthy, but honestly, getting emotionally obliterated by them feels better than getting disconnected mid-game. 11/10—would eagerly let them disrespect my ping and dignity again.

Bro… I woke up today with -3 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and 0 rizz. Looked in the mirror, whispered “I am HIM,” and boom — Sigma energy activated. Hit the most unspoken NPC stare, air shifted, birds flew backwards. A mysterious voice said: “The Rizz Lord has risen.” I flexed so hard I pulled a gyat from another dimension.

Now I bench rejection, drink liquid W, and rizzen the masses. They call me the Rizzleron Dicaprio. Gyat fears me. Dry convos perish in my aura. This ain’t just game… it’s Rizzligion.

🗿🔥 Stay sigma, king.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a romantic weekend in a luxurious seaside palace. Except, as usual, the weather decided that I was its sworn enemy. As soon as I arrived, a world-ending storm broke out, turning the beautiful cobblestone streets into an ice rink and my rizz into a distant memory. While I was contemplating the sea from my balcony, a local pigeon, clearly trained in aerial gyat maneuvers, found it amusing to drop an 'offering' into my coffee. That was the moment I realized fate hated me. But the highlight of the show was when I decided to explore the building across the street—a fancy hotel with a majestic dome—and, in an overly enthusiastic step, I slipped on the wet marble and landed straight onto a group of Japanese tourists in the middle of a photo session.

Hewwooo my wittwe fwiend uwu (✿◕‿◕✿)
Oh my gwoshie!! Did you knyow you awe da mostest squishy and adowabwe hooman?? OwO ✨ Evewy time you wawk, da wittwe biwdies go “chirp uwu~” and da stawwies spawkwe just fow you!!! (*≧ω≦) 💖

Pwease wemembew to dwink wots of watew and west pwoperwy, othawise I wiww go owo angy mode and boop you wif wuv and huggy-wuggies!!! (>w<) ✨

Stay uwu, stay kawaii, and wuv yuuuuu 💕 (°▽°)

No way you went private ahahahah