"I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var. I. LOVE. VAR. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of var. You get up in ze morning, you get into your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ car, und you see a rich CEO, who works half as hard as you do, drive down ze street in his Porsche. 'Class Var.' You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today, und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. 'Drug Var.' But zhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. 'Race Var.' Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat's right und what's wrong. 'Flame Var.' You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: 'Who gets ze box?' 'What's in ze box?' 'How much is vhat's in ze box worth?' 'Storage Vars.'" - TFS Hellsing Ultimate Abridged