Mr. BigBulge Viking – Shaft of the North, Scourge of Lobbies
Long ago, when the gods still swiped right on mortals, Odin looked down on Midgard and muttered, “That’s too much bulge for one man.” And yet… the prophecy had already begun.

Born with a joystick in one hand and an overwhelming sense of confidence in the other, Mr. BigBulge Viking became a force feared across battlefields and bandwidths alike. His bulge? So mighty, Thor tried to lift it once. Pulled a hamstring.

He doesn’t use aim assist—the bulge simply points toward danger.
His K/D ratio? Classified. His shaft? Mythical. It casts a long shadow across the leaderboard, causing lesser players to disconnect out of respect—or raw terror.

💬 Witness Testimonies
“Once teabagged an enemy so hard, they reinstalled RuneScape.”
“His bulge has its own ping. Lower than yours.”
“I saw him snipe a guy with a throwing axe—just by flexing.”
“His footsteps sounded like confidence.”
“My aim assist left me for him.”
“He peeked mid. I peeked therapy.”

When Mr. BigBulge enters a server, battle-hardened players tremble—not from fear, but from gravitational pull.
One gamer tried to 1v1 him. He now streams Minecraft full-time from witness protection.

Some say he never crouches—he merely “stands majestically closer to the earth.” Others claim his codpiece has its own zip code. All we know is:
If you see him in the pre-game lobby… kneel. Not for mercy—just out of respect.

🛡️ Titles of Mr. BigBulge Viking
Wielder of the Weapon That Wields Back
Great Pillager of Pants and Points
Thighs of Thunder, Shaft of Shame
Scandinavian Controller Drift
Bulgebringer of Baldur's Booty Bay
Lag Spike with a Loincloth
First of His Name, Last You’ll Ever See
Banhammer’s Biological Cousin
Loins of Legend, KD of Kings

Bonus Lore: The Great Bulge Duel of ‘09
Mr. BigBulge Viking vs. Sir Package Maximus
“Only one could remain… pixel proud.”

The golden age of FPS. MW2 lobbies overflowed with rage, static, and puberty. Then came a 1v1 invite that shook the heavens:

SirPackageMaximus has challenged you to a duel on Rust.

Sir Package was no rookie—known for his aggressive package peeking, dual-wield ego, and a belt of pure denial. His bulge was said to be visible even in third-person.

What followed was less a duel… more a cosmic bulge-off.

🎮 The Battlefield: Rust
360 no-scopes.
Throwing knives that curved like fanfiction.
Every teabag shook the map.
UAVs refused to fly—they were too intimidated.

No cover. No comms. Only pure pelvic warfare. At one point, their groins collided mid-air—causing the game to crash and sending a shockwave through Xbox Live.

The killfeed read:

“Bulge Impact – Draw”

Aftermath:
Infinity Ward patched in: “Bulge Physics – OFF by default.”

Rust was removed from ranked for 3 weeks.

Sir Package retired. Became a life coach. No one believed his story.

But Mr. BigBulge Viking?
He respawned with a vengeance. Stronger. Swingier. Steamier.
And from that day on, every player knew:

“You might win the fight… but you’ll never out-bulge the Viking.”

Remember This:
“When the shaft met the package, the world held its breath… and hit record.”

To this day, Rust still warns:

“This map contains excessive swagger. Viewer discretion is advised.”