Скорошни рецензии на Selphos

I enjoy Groove Coaster in the arcade, so of course I was eager to give this a shot. And, well, they brought over the arcade gameplay without a problem, but...

The good news is that this game actually works pretty well with a Steam Controller, though it's kind of silly that slides are done by merely tapping on a side of the touchpad instead of actually sliding.

The bad news is that the game's actual content is hilariously barebones, and it's clear that their plan is to pump the songlist with paid DLC. At, what was it, two dollars per track? Yikes.

The worse news is that I bought a Steam Controller for this.

This game lost me the second it kicked me back to levels I already did and said "now do it again, but under these arbitrary constraints, or you won't get to play beyond this point."

Which was on like, the fifth mission.

Pretentious moralwank forced down your throat and held together through uninspired cover-based shooter gameplay.

Mercifully, I only paid $1 for the humble bundle this came in. If I had paid any more to have a game try to make me feel bad for six hours, I'd be disappointed in myself.

Take the game's own message. The winning move is not to play.

I'd like this game a lot more if I never had to play Tuner.

But joke's on me, I have to practice all five disciplines, on tracks that quickly get samey even in the disciplines I do like. Why are you taking me to the same location three times in one championship going different directions?

I remember when this game was fun.
Oh wait, no I don't. I just remember when it wasn't literally unplayable without money.

Played as a little girl and got beaten up by littler girls.

10/10

I refuse to support the development of any game that locks twintails behind a paywall. And ponytails, for that matter.

Today I learned that as far as this game is concerned, "satire" means "ironic sh!tposting."

And ironic sh!tposting is still sh!tposting.

Literally the most unsatisfying ending of any game I've ever played, and it took me two hours to reach it. Over half of that time was spent on the final boss alone.

Barely worth the dollar I spent on it.

Honestly, this game was more fun on the DS. At least it had a consistent performance on that console.