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Came to a family cookout uninvited, claiming he was 'buzzed out' from 'chugging dat kool-aid like it was ♥♥♥♥♥ juice'. Then reached into the potato salad with his bare hands, slid the hand down his mouth, down his chin, and across his chest. Claimed 'this ♥♥♥♥ so good if it was a dude I'd suck his ♥♥♥♥ like I was drownin' and his balls had oxygen'. He then proceeded to realize this wasn't the party he thought it was, shouted 'y'all ♥♥♥♥♥ got no blow so I'mma gooo', and began sprinting away only to run through my sliding glass door and lose consciousness until the EMTs arrived.
Also, I will keep the 'b' in 'beat your ass'.