Recent reviews by ragoons

Spent an hour farming penguins for crow feet so I can spend three hours grinding trolls so I can run up to this room at the top of a castle so I can go back to grinding penguins for crow feet so I farm this banished knight in the most efficient way possible for the next two hours so I can get the full alternate banished knight set but simply put I put the whole set on and thought I looked like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ 'CODPIECE A BIT BIG ON YA DOH INNIT? ♥♥♥♥! THAS OLRITE' Plus I wannent as lithe looking like a fat nanny rolling round like onna dem dung baetls. nvm so I went back to the trolls for another hour so I could go to Caitlyn and loot that one sword from that one anime (Sword Art?) out in that box in the back of that trailer from Oregon Trial without getting one chomped by that two-headed Warwick thing but then when I equipped the anime sword I didn't really like how slow it was and how unrealistic it would be if someone actually tried to walk into battle during the Elden Ring period of the Middle Ages. Lost my immersion a bit but I felt better after pumping up my sex so I could dual wield samurai swords. I know dei WOKEBACK Strokehog McGee has a bad track record but I'll cut them some slack for including an eastern officer's weapon from the great war in a historically ethnocentric western time period. so then I went back to the Claymore and this one chick with the pink hair asked if I wanted to hold hands lmao genz weirdflex writing but its 2024. There must have been a glitch because I sat by the fireplace and couldn't save. Found a way around it by just teleworking to the very first bonfire and then going back to her house. Then the fireplace worked fine and I could say. Can someone explain this to me? Is this some lore-accurate Fromsoft redditor type nod or just another glitch that should have been polished by launch? but it was weird man her house was huge. I looked in all the rooms and couldn't find her but I chalked it up to the whole level loading the assets in wrong. I've done a bit of game design in RPGMaker GX V. Right now I'm in RC9 of this vertical slice demo video for our prototype combat system that I built myself in ChatGpt4. It's pretty sweet. Also, dude AI is the future, I am basically fluent in Brazilian Jiu Kaisen (aka JSON *heh snoo in cheek for my fellow 1337s!)* and plan to incorporate it in my rust-based fullstack knowledgeable front end which I coded it to look like an exact clone of Instagram lmao. I bet I could Gronk heck out of the in-person interview at any Western studio. I'd say no anyway cause I'd rather die by virtues than sell my talent to a bunch of business school asset flippers amirite? So I did the quest where I put my head in her mom's lap which was weird but idk. I think it's cause I've never thought about resting my head on a woman's lap before. Despite my huge brain, I surprised myself with what little I had left to learn about the females and touching them with my hands and other areas of my exposed body skin. Overall wasted a whole two days without sleep trying to figure out this game without help but to be honest I wasn't giving my full attention due to my sudden and unforeseen life-threatening medical emergency. As you can probably tell by my narrative voice I have been pretty sick so I apologize for that. With all the allegations flying around it's honestly taken a hit on my mental health. I basically am a workaholic when I find time and you know, not many people talk about mental health, and playing a cognitively challenging game along with the roleplay I chose, truly is a test of a man's ability to self-discipline but also to seek balance when facing tremendously insurmountable yet plausible goals. For those who think I'm joking, to walk the path of the warrior means pushing yourself to the limit. After calling 911 twice and taking it back both times I was admitted to the ER for a scrotal abscess and a subsequent infection that sent me into diabetic ketoacidosis. I had to have surgery to drain the fluid from the abscess and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that had to be the worst smell I've ever had in my life. It was so dense that it felt like I tasted it. And the nurse just kept handing the doctor these gauzes to wipe it all up and bro he was just squeezing and the man I was awake the whole time. I felt bad for them but then I realized that dude that's probably the boilerplate scent of the times during Elden Ring. Could you imagine? It makes a lot of sense when you think of those 3 humors bile draining beak mask doctors man. They were the ones who sacrificed to save lives. Those masks were used to capture the smell of infection so they could determine the correct physic to prescribe. That's one thing I love about this game. There's so much historical accuracy despite the disadvantage that Japanese developers have when reading English. The creator of Minecraft, Steve, said 'As long as you're playing a game it's time not wasted.' I will never forget that quote because people will always come for gamers first especially when it comes to beating a skill-based action MMO like Elden Ring. That time I spent on that last character wasn't for nothing. Because I was gaming. Not only that, I watched other people play Elden Ring. I even would skip to the parts where I thought I was and try and copy what they did. I basically played this game twice at the same time. Also, a second monitor will change your life forever. That and this program called Notion and Personal Knowledge Management. You aren't functioning at capacity if you aren't building a second brain. I'm on my third. It's why I need two monitors. It's why I can wear two Elden Rings salami. The best part about buying an Elden Ring and then playing the game was trying to find the perfect moment to say 'Oh...now I get it' I had to redo it a couple of times. But in all honesty, the best time was when I said it without even noticing I said anything. Looking back at it, the first time I pressed 'Play' and closed the game because it took too long to find my controller and I wanted to see if there was an opening cutscene and saw that Usage Time was 2.1 hours, I knew there was no going back. That when I knew Elden Ring changed my life and I had transcended into an exclusive club of people who actually bought Elden Ring and have it. The best part about being the Elden Ring is genuinely understanding the rage of others like myself. I remember that boss. I remember when I watched this other guy fight that boss and he struggled as well. But I know, even amongst fellow termanids, that when Marguerite invades my Erd realm, he won't even know what to do. I am so based at this game, that I'll even solo him. If you haven't purchased this game and installed it, maybe what I say next will convince you. Now I know what it is to truly feel like to accomplish something so impossibly unreal. My life is immeasurably better and my penis grew to above maximum. I sincerely told the guy who works at the Circle K every time I buy a pack of cigarettes that what I've done and accomplished is the equivalent of beating the Navy Seals. The best part is validating myself watching these other people struggle at the same points that I did and smile and feel like I'm part of something special while simultaneously microing my irl status bars of self-delusion, luckily I picked up every red bush berry thing and all these bird feet to take and craft in this particular sideways sinkhole. Anyways Asmongold is right about everything and if he can make it true to himself then I know it, you know it, everybody knows it, but honestly the truth is the horse guy at the beginning I can't get past him and I just can't do it, man. When a game has the blessing of acclaimed names like Himiyohyao Miyazaki, legendary Founder of League of Legends and master storyteller JRR Tolkein most notably known for the Emmy Nominated HBO miniseries The Wire. 7/10 I'd stick it out for just another day for Steam summer sale to start.

🡡🡣🡢🡠🡪🡴🡶🡶🢇🢇➩➪➫➬➬➭➯➯➱➲ Retrying in 18...

ENHANCED DEFAULT LATINA V IS BEST VEE. YOU HEAR CHOOM?

I accidentally bought my 14th Cheetah today.

I meant to summon my 100% pure Russian nuclear sausage toob to speed grind Cayo for the next 15 hours.
But the 1000hp roar of a speed kett in heat got me simpin.
I took my ♥♥♥♥♥ rocket to the mechanic in town.
She only deserves the HOTTEST of fitments.
$50,000,000,000 and a few seconds later I pulled out of a random parking garage on the South Side of LA.
GOD she was looking SO THICC.
♥♥♥♥ a ricer or a wheel spin whip
I bought this ♥♥♥♥ with TIME and MONEY.
Imma burn scrubs with this ♥♥♥♥
Armored Karuma my ass
Imma come at that ♥♥♥♥ with a CHEETAH
BUSINESS BATTLE 2x $RP NEW KID
not put it on a podium.
I brought my brand new high heeled super tramp to the best racing streets in GTA

When I tapped the pedal with the tip of my enormous pig scroat, I knew I had made a mistake.
I exploded my boiling seed all over my monitor.
Now, I was raised Christian and was taught never to release the impregnation pee before marriage.
Now I have potentially wasted my entire life's savings of load and it is going to be a massive struggle to get it all back in my balls.
Don't be like me, buy an Adder

pretty good for writing things.

not enough anime.

its gud

*Single Player Campaign Review*

The single-player campaign is the culmination of Infinity Ward's best efforts. Previous titles had rail thin plot, shallow character, and little ability to keep one engaged. However, IW puts all that to rest. I've never been more impressed with their use of plot, cinematic spectacle, and character. What makes IW great is beneath all the glitz-and-glamor, the twitch-action FPS shooter roots are still there. Put all this together and what comes out is a game that feels like a 5-star sci-fi war series released on Netflix. The whole season is released and I'll be damned if I leave my seat before glassing the surface of Mars. There are legitimate criticisms leveled at the single-player campaign, but compared to its blockbuster-AAA rival, I'd choose a Jackal armed with 20mm Dragonflies over a horse and a sword any day. Yes. The single player is that much better than BF1's. Its 1v1 space-superiority figher ship vs horse better.

If you want a tightly-paced, well-designed, elite-military-sci-fi-opera-badass-action-hero-simulator with a casually sloped learning curve, IW is where it's at. However, if you're looking for a more tactical/stealth based single-player experience, with no discernable plot, a heavy handed "you should give a ♥♥♥♥ about history" theme, and a realistic experience of how horrible it feels to slowly slog through knee deep blood mud, go with the competition.

COD IW has completely embraced its own identity. Infinity Ward has crafted something genius despite the wide ranging criticisms it recieves on a daily basis. The tiny details that catch your attention between the caucohphony of galactic combat are what sets apart IW from its predecessors and even its competition. Its the small moments: When the boatswain rings an arcahaic bell, salutes, and announces "captain on deck!" every time you walk the bridge. When the dialogue hits the perfect balance between tacticalese and hero-banter making you feel like war is ez. When you feel respect for a Marine when he starts treating your 8 foot assasin-robot as a friend and not a tool. When the SDF hits hardest when your guard is down. When one second you're shooting-♥♥♥♥ with your XO, the next you're truly dying. When its the first time, in a long time, you hope this Call of Duty character doesn't die like this.

The well thought out weapon design shines in tense moments, when your primary's low, you're taking fire from some super-collosal OP Mars Gundam robot thing, you snag a bloody half-mag Martian SMG from some SDF soldier missing his face, and fuitly return fire. From the moment you pick up a weapon for the first time, you know exactly how its gonna fire, how it should be used, and if you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥. There's a dialoge box in the upper right that gives you specifics, but I rarely found myself in a position to ponder details when I'm dropping my mission kit for another. The way a gun lookcs, fits in your hand, and even the mag size is all trickle up designed with IW's gameplay in mind.

I could say otherwise for IW's counterpart.

This sounds like a circle-jerk CoD fanboy preaching to the choir, I'll admit that. But, to be fair, for the longest time I was one of the elitest tactical/competitive FPS players. I've spent a thousand hours in CSGO, rippin on scrubs to go play the ♥♥♥♥-tier COD FPS. I've rode on the Battlefield train since 1942 and wanted everything but success for the series. But unfortunately, it seems the train's been off the tracks since BF3. It feels that Battlefield is to be going through an identity crisis. Up until BF1, the singleplayer campaigns of the series were, at the least, enjoyable and uniquely battlefield. But now, when people think of Battlefield there seems to be a nebulous nature to the thought. What exactly IS Battlefield? It once was a full-spectrum modern war FPS but now it feels more like a poorly disguiesed history lesson. "Aha! You're participating in trench warfare! Isn't it horrible?! WWI is totally hip and relevant! Look at all these famous people playing it! Respect history!" Its like your highschool World History teacher who tries too hard to make you care. Herein is the problem. You can use Gordon Ramsey-class icing to dress a ♥♥♥♥ cake, but at its core its still a ♥♥♥♥ cake. Character-driven lone wolf stealth missions aren't battlefield. It never was. Why the hell is it 80% of the single player campaign? The other 20% is spent piloting a plane held together by engine grease and paper mache or on foot defending a tank made of glass. Battlefield 1 feels like Dice forcing its brand as "bleeding-edge," "different than CoD," "I listen to P.O.S. not mainstream Drake. I'm edgy. So play me." In such fervernt pursuit of being fresh, different, and innovative, Dice lost sight of what made Battlefield a success. It lost its core. It forgot what made Battlefield the "mature-post-puberty FPS shooter."

BF1's single player was designed to make you feel small. Insignifcant, and alone, against a machine you aren't supposed to beat. One could say that the single-player had a Lovecraftian mood, "Oy Player, our ♥♥♥♥ tank Betty just took a dump the size of a full-grown stag. Here's the plan: You're to go on a solo stealth mission to infiltrate the enemy occupied city down the hill, while the remaning 5 of us will have a jolly wank and spot of tea. Take this iron-sighted bolt-aciton BB gun, 4 pellets, and a bayonet. Btw, by enemy, we mean Chutulu. Good Luck, ♥♥♥♥." You're kept on your toes throughout the soldier based ground missions, but for the wrong reason. You'll die, but you don't know why. You'll play by the rules, but it turns out, that isn't even fun. In the end you'll find a way to break the intended game constraints just to get the mission over with. Horseback solo stealth mission in the Arabian desert? Howbout, grab the light tank before the enemies spawn in? When the player's resolve is to beat the game and not enjoy it, the game no longer becomes fun. Its a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chore-challange. Overall, BF1's single player feels like a poorly disguied tutorial wrapped in poorly designed stealth puzzles meant to substitute true enaging gameplay.

BF1 Single player: The poorly written manual from that off-brand thing you got off a shady Amazon Prime deal.

But I digress.

Infinite Warfare's singleplayer is a cinematic rollercoaster that's so thrilling, you'll hop back in line to ride it once more. Maybe another. CoD knows exactly what it is, and has no shame for it. Its balls to the wall, edge of your seat, white knuckle action. It doesn't teach you history. It doesn't tell you war is hell. It doesn't bloat itself with period-accurate deliberately unbalanced weaponry. What Infinate Warfare does, is something that other game companies can only dream of: Certainty. Its the certainty that every Call of Duty game will be exactly what it says it will be. You know exactly what you're dropping that $60-$75. Not some shill of period game. (Battlefield Vietnam/2142 flashbacks anyone?) IW is undoubtably Call of Duty. Its this infallable understanding of what I'm getting which makes IW deserving of praise. Not only does IW warfare deliver on its CoD single-player promise, it defies expectation. IW's single-player is a tightly-placed and detailed sci-fi war opera that could only be pulled off by a team that buckled down on its success, embraced its core identity, and challlanged itself to do better. Through this, it defied expecations, disrupted the FPS genre meta, and converted a long time gamer who had his chips on the opposition. Need to feel like a badass after getting rekt in CSGO? Sell your skins and your well-worn safari-mesh butt plugs. Don't forget what gaming is about: time well spent. Lest we forget: Fun isn't found on a leaderboard. Well done, Infinity Ward. Damn good job.