Spent an hour farming penguins for crow feet so I can spend three hours grinding trolls so I can run up to this room at the top of a castle so I can go back to grinding penguins for crow feet so I farm this banished knight in the most efficient way possible for the next two hours so I can get the full alternate banished knight set but simply put I put the whole set on and thought I looked like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ 'CODPIECE A BIT BIG ON YA DOH INNIT? ♥♥♥♥! THAS OLRITE' Plus I wannent as lithe looking like a fat nanny rolling round like onna dem dung baetls. nvm so I went back to the trolls for another hour so I could go to Caitlyn and loot that one sword from that one anime (Sword Art?) out in that box in the back of that trailer from Oregon Trial without getting one chomped by that two-headed Warwick thing but then when I equipped the anime sword I didn't really like how slow it was and how unrealistic it would be if someone actually tried to walk into battle during the Elden Ring period of the Middle Ages. Lost my immersion a bit but I felt better after pumping up my sex so I could dual wield samurai swords. I know dei WOKEBACK Strokehog McGee has a bad track record but I'll cut them some slack for including an eastern officer's weapon from the great war in a historically ethnocentric western time period. so then I went back to the Claymore and this one chick with the pink hair asked if I wanted to hold hands lmao genz weirdflex writing but its 2024. There must have been a glitch because I sat by the fireplace and couldn't save. Found a way around it by just teleworking to the very first bonfire and then going back to her house. Then the fireplace worked fine and I could say. Can someone explain this to me? Is this some lore-accurate Fromsoft redditor type nod or just another glitch that should have been polished by launch? but it was weird man her house was huge. I looked in all the rooms and couldn't find her but I chalked it up to the whole level loading the assets in wrong. I've done a bit of game design in RPGMaker GX V. Right now I'm in RC9 of this vertical slice demo video for our prototype combat system that I built myself in ChatGpt4. It's pretty sweet. Also, dude AI is the future, I am basically fluent in Brazilian Jiu Kaisen (aka JSON *heh snoo in cheek for my fellow 1337s!)* and plan to incorporate it in my rust-based fullstack knowledgeable front end which I coded it to look like an exact clone of Instagram lmao. I bet I could Gronk heck out of the in-person interview at any Western studio. I'd say no anyway cause I'd rather die by virtues than sell my talent to a bunch of business school asset flippers amirite? So I did the quest where I put my head in her mom's lap which was weird but idk. I think it's cause I've never thought about resting my head on a woman's lap before. Despite my huge brain, I surprised myself with what little I had left to learn about the females and touching them with my hands and other areas of my exposed body skin. Overall wasted a whole two days without sleep trying to figure out this game without help but to be honest I wasn't giving my full attention due to my sudden and unforeseen life-threatening medical emergency. As you can probably tell by my narrative voice I have been pretty sick so I apologize for that. With all the allegations flying around it's honestly taken a hit on my mental health. I basically am a workaholic when I find time and you know, not many people talk about mental health, and playing a cognitively challenging game along with the roleplay I chose, truly is a test of a man's ability to self-discipline but also to seek balance when facing tremendously insurmountable yet plausible goals. For those who think I'm joking, to walk the path of the warrior means pushing yourself to the limit. After calling 911 twice and taking it back both times I was admitted to the ER for a scrotal abscess and a subsequent infection that sent me into diabetic ketoacidosis. I had to have surgery to drain the fluid from the abscess and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that had to be the worst smell I've ever had in my life. It was so dense that it felt like I tasted it. And the nurse just kept handing the doctor these gauzes to wipe it all up and bro he was just squeezing and the man I was awake the whole time. I felt bad for them but then I realized that dude that's probably the boilerplate scent of the times during Elden Ring. Could you imagine? It makes a lot of sense when you think of those 3 humors bile draining beak mask doctors man. They were the ones who sacrificed to save lives. Those masks were used to capture the smell of infection so they could determine the correct physic to prescribe. That's one thing I love about this game. There's so much historical accuracy despite the disadvantage that Japanese developers have when reading English. The creator of Minecraft, Steve, said 'As long as you're playing a game it's time not wasted.' I will never forget that quote because people will always come for gamers first especially when it comes to beating a skill-based action MMO like Elden Ring. That time I spent on that last character wasn't for nothing. Because I was gaming. Not only that, I watched other people play Elden Ring. I even would skip to the parts where I thought I was and try and copy what they did. I basically played this game twice at the same time. Also, a second monitor will change your life forever. That and this program called Notion and Personal Knowledge Management. You aren't functioning at capacity if you aren't building a second brain. I'm on my third. It's why I need two monitors. It's why I can wear two Elden Rings salami. The best part about buying an Elden Ring and then playing the game was trying to find the perfect moment to say 'Oh...now I get it' I had to redo it a couple of times. But in all honesty, the best time was when I said it without even noticing I said anything. Looking back at it, the first time I pressed 'Play' and closed the game because it took too long to find my controller and I wanted to see if there was an opening cutscene and saw that Usage Time was 2.1 hours, I knew there was no going back. That when I knew Elden Ring changed my life and I had transcended into an exclusive club of people who actually bought Elden Ring and have it. The best part about being the Elden Ring is genuinely understanding the rage of others like myself. I remember that boss. I remember when I watched this other guy fight that boss and he struggled as well. But I know, even amongst fellow termanids, that when Marguerite invades my Erd realm, he won't even know what to do. I am so based at this game, that I'll even solo him. If you haven't purchased this game and installed it, maybe what I say next will convince you. Now I know what it is to truly feel like to accomplish something so impossibly unreal. My life is immeasurably better and my penis grew to above maximum. I sincerely told the guy who works at the Circle K every time I buy a pack of cigarettes that what I've done and accomplished is the equivalent of beating the Navy Seals. The best part is validating myself watching these other people struggle at the same points that I did and smile and feel like I'm part of something special while simultaneously microing my irl status bars of self-delusion, luckily I picked up every red bush berry thing and all these bird feet to take and craft in this particular sideways sinkhole. Anyways Asmongold is right about everything and if he can make it true to himself then I know it, you know it, everybody knows it, but honestly the truth is the horse guy at the beginning I can't get past him and I just can't do it, man. When a game has the blessing of acclaimed names like Himiyohyao Miyazaki, legendary Founder of League of Legends and master storyteller JRR Tolkein most notably known for the Emmy Nominated HBO miniseries The Wire. 7/10 I'd stick it out for just another day for Steam summer sale to start.