🙇‍♂️ Don't try to be like me. You weren't chosen by the current.

🦭 Flipper funded. Aura backed. Motionpilled. You’re looking at a self made seal who made six figures off two vibes and a blurred screenshot.

💳 Swipe specialist. I pay for everything in Subway gift cards.

🧠 Thought leader in spaces I never joined. I somehow make people PayPal me.

💼 CEO of a shell company that sells nothing but belief. Founder of Sealcoaching™, LLC. I’ll fix your life over 31 Google slides and a blurry Canva chart for $499/month.

🤝 Been scamming since before you were lucid. Nothing major.

🧾 I’ve flipped free trials for equity.

🪞Every mirror I look in confirms: I was right. Again.

🌐 My name gets whispered in gated discords. My receipts have NDAs.

☎️ I don’t answer phone calls. If you really had motion, you’d know how to reach me.

👔 Ran an MLM with no product. Just a tuff ahh vibe and good fonts.

💰 I once got paid to disappear by my competition, came back, and got paid to disappear again.

🧘‍♂️ Aura amazing. Vibes tuff. Flippers moisturized with imported seal oil.

🕳 I've been banned in 4 different seas and oceans for having too much money.

🦭 When I say I’m “built different,” I mean that I’m literally a seal and still have better credit than you.

🔒 I don’t run from the grind. I bounce on my bellay to it.

💳 Known to max out cards I don’t own. Had motion before I had a name.

🕷 Associated with the Edmonton Grim Reaper.

📊 My flippers have more financial literacy than your entire lineage.

📈 Every time you doubt me, my net worth increases.

🧾 I invoice people for wasting my time in conversations. They pay.

🎓 Dropped out of school with a 0.4 GPA and a million dollar mindset.


🦭 #SealSzn | 🖤 #SubwayCardGod | 📈 #MotionCertified |🔌 #LinkedInMenace

DM for consultations, shell company starter kits, aura readjustments, or motion mentoring. First session is $1500. Second is invite only.