I wish, man. Can't even play BA in this sh​ithole. Actual 3rd world country smh.

⣿⣿⠋⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢿⣿⣿
⣿⠇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡌⢿⣿
⡟⣸⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣷⢘⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡶⠞⠛⠋⠛⠙⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠙⠛⠛⠳⢶⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⡄⣶⣲⢰⣦⣤⣾⣿⣿⣷⣤⣴⡄⣶⣶⢠⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣾
⣧⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼
⣿⡈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⠀⠀⣶⣶⣄⠀⣿⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⣷⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⡀⠸⠿⠷⠇⢀⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣾⣿
⣿⣿⣷⡌⢿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣾⣶⣷⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⢸⣟⣿⣿⢃⣾⣿⣿

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Is jerking off in the middle of a tournament considered cheating??

I was having a wank sesh (as you do) recently and I had a thought, post nut clarity makes everyone sensible, but for me it can make me like even smarter than normal. So I was wondering, would jorking it (and by it I mean my peanits), right before making a crucial move in an official chess tournament for the intelligence boost be considered cheating?? Plus it would stun my opponent if they were suddenly covered in my hot sticky semen, so they might make a bad move accidentally.

What does the official Chess rules say about jorkling one off in the middle of a chess tournament?

No, f​uck off.

add me