So! This is my first game review. Let me be clear: I've only played for 3.4 hours, and... it's just not there. The story so far is bland—like asking for a Coke and getting one that, while it tastes like Coke, is completely flat. The characters are uninspiring in terms of their narratives—oh no, my father died; now I must kill 12 people to uncover some mystery. I can't even comment on the African samurai; you play him for 10 minutes, and then you're stuck with a stealth lady whose story is just "I need revenge; let me recruit people" for the rest of my time in the game. I feel like I could get a basic language model to write a better story in the time I've played this game.

UBISOFT, I DID NOT ASK FOR 45 MINUTES OF CUTSCENES IN THE FIRST 3 HOURS OF A GAME. If I wanted to watch a historical drama based on Japan, I would. Not to mention, the English version—I can't blame the voice actors, who are probably Japanese speaking English, but it just doesn't work. Really, it doesn't. If you're going to play the game, folks, turn on subtitles, switch the audio to Japanese, and it'll be a better experience. Don't bother with the English. But back to the cutscenes. I don't even know if my graphical settings matter a stupendous amount with the cutscenes outside of the game engine, but the graphics of the people, the foliage, the detail—it's just not it. We're in 2025, and the people, the faces, the expressions look like they're a decade old. I don't know who's drinking the Kool-Aid that Ubisoft is chugging down people's throats, but it annoyed me so much hearing, "These are amazing graphics; it makes me feel so immersed." Holy hell, dude, have you played, I don't know, BG3? I joke, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but Dead by Daylight makes this game's characters look like someone smeared Da Vinci's paintings and said, "Oops, oh well."

Combat is okay, although I feel like Valhalla was certainly more fun. Stealth is okay, even though half the time the assassination button doesn't show up. The mastery point system is fine if you want to Skyrim your way through the levels. I don't know; this thing still feels half-baked, but I don't know what more it needs to cook. Also, if you're going to let me grapple hook, at least let me see where the grapple point is because, hello, one should be able to look up, right? Wrong, apparently. The world map feels odd, like things are just far away. Yes, you have beautiful scenery all the time, especially in winter—it's just so nice to look at—but eventually, you get to a point where you just want a button for your horse that just gallops you to the location. At least that would let me enjoy the beauty without running into a bunch of bandits who knock me off the horse and just boink me in the head, insta-killing me.

Oh, I haven't even mentioned the microtransactions. I know it's a Ubisoft game, and we can all grumble about microtransactions and stuff—hey, I've bought them too, as much as I hate to admit it. But man, in good old Kangaroo Dollars, you're gonna charge 55 bucks for a starter pack? That used to be a whole freaking game! Hell, that's half the cost of the game it's for! I can't imagine how annoyed a digital deluxe purchaser would feel. Oh look, I spent $120 on this version of the game; surely this gives me everything I could need at the start... EH! Wrong thinking, bucko! I get it, I get it, I can hear the echoes of y'all saying, "You can ignore the microtransactions, you know, they don't matter that much." First of all... it's a SINGLE. PLAYER. GAME. All you're doing is throwing your hard-earned moolah for some extra pretty pixels. Are you gonna use that armour and weapon the entire game? No? I'd love to see you try out of spite. But not to mention, there are 5 armour bundles to purchase on launch. 5. Are you kidding me? Do you want to leave a sour taste in people's mouths, Ubisoft? Because it feels like you're taking a piss and aiming directly for my tongue. Ahhh man... it just feels like time and energy that could have gone into the game itself rather than the additional extras.

Ubi, you did one thing right: the follow button. Well done. We found a shiny nugget of gold in the turd! Huzzah... but... it's still a turd. And no matter how shiny you get that turd, it's still the same turd.

4/10.

I do not care if you agree with me or not. If you enjoy the game, go have fun! I won't impede. But if you found this review funny, I'd appreciate it if you say so.

UPDATE 22/03/24:

Firstly thank you to steam for refunding the game. Much appreciated.

I was not expecting this to pop off but i appreciate all the support gang. To those that disagree , thanks for making me laugh. How about you own the game first before you can try to disagree? Then i'll debate you.