I'm not sure if you knew, but everyone in class knows you crapped yourself. It's not a big deal, but seriously at least ask to use the bathroom or something. It's a small classroom and it smelled like you had a a whole bucket of rotting clams. Didn't help that we couldnt even open a window. I have some spare pants if you want.

hey, i cant send you friend request, so can you add me please? its urgent

add me, can you?

add me for a quick talk, i have an offer, i couldnt add you for some reason...

Hey bro, I can give my Tiger Tooth M9 bayonet for all of your csgo graffitties (Im collecting them) so if it's ok send me trade offer please. Trade link in my profile bio

Listen, I know we got off on the wrong foot but... *sigh.* Look, I’m not really the type to ask for forgiveness, and I know I kind of was a little awkward earlier but, I really need a gf and I don’t want to squander my chance with you. I feel like I’m wasting my life. I’m like, 32 years old and I’ve never had a gf. My mom says she will throw me out if I don’t get one soon, so if you find it in your heart, at least let me take you to Kelsey’s or something for dinner, and we’ll go from there.

When I was younger and didn't know the first thing about sex, I lost my virginity to a toilet brush.
Allow me to elaborate. I had seen a Penthouse so I knew vaginas were covered in fur of some sort with a hole in the middle. One day while hiding in the bathroom pretending not to masturbate, I saw the toilet brush. It was oval shaped, fuzzy, and sure enough, it even had a hole in it! I grabbed it and (as I was always hard) thrust myself into it.
Now in hindsight I should've felt the bristles first. They weren't soft. They were pokey AF. And the going in was one thing, but then when I tried to pull it off the bristles formed a pitcher plant like angle with the plastic needles.
I was stuck.
Just like a bandaid, though, ripping it off in one quick motion was.. well, the entire event was a horrible idea. But I couldn't just walk around permanently humping a toilet brush.
I guess this gentleman proved me wrong!

Ya like jazz?

I've been fapping almost once a month to Lindsay Lohan since 2004, with increasing frequency for a few days after every new sexy photoshoot

Let's say I've been fapping to her for 10 whole years (2014 - 2004)
One fap a month = 120 faps

Now let's say she released 3 new sexy photoshoot, nude scene, nipslip, etc a year. It means an addition of 7 daily faps times 3 per year = 21 faps

21x10 + 120 = 330 faps since 2004.

Now according to Wikipedia, an ejaculation may contain between 0.1 and 10 milliliters of semen.
I ♥♥♥ pretty big loads in general but let's take the middle ground and say 5ml.

330x5 = 1650ml of ♥♥♥

1.65 liters of ♥♥♥.
I ejaculated more than 1 and a half liter of semen for Lindsay Lohan.

...that's 56oz btw

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Send this to 10 of your friends and win an iPod Touch!

are you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kidding me? why do you come to my profile and send all these ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ass comments? Implying that i don't wear ANYTHING at all?? who are you trying to prove yourself worthy to? To me? If so then you're doing a terrible job at it.
I take a shower everyday, I never wear the undies twice in a row, nor clothing.
If you really think you're so tough , get your ♥♥♥♥♥ ass on a plane and come down - you know where i'm at. And talk ♥♥♥♥ to my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ face, alright?

like a big sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk and you think, yeah, ok he's going to give me mouth to mouth. Instead, he just starts choking the ♥♥♥♥ out of you, and the last sensation you feel before you die, is that he's squeezing your throat so hard that a big wet blob of drool drips off his teeth and just, plurp, falls right onto your popped out eye ball

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Send this bubba belubba buddy to all your splooshies down at the squeakboard park

Hey, it's me, Jesus. I've heard you've been having a lot of interracial gay sex with arabs recently, and I'd like to tell you to stop. Not like I don't love you or anything, but those muzzies were not like, forcing themselves on you, you took ♥♥♥♥ willingly from ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. So like, if you don't wanna have sex with hot white women that's cool and all. You're still getting into heaven and all that, you've had a good life, but like, this is the one black spot(or brown spot really) on your record. So uhh, like... enjoy, I guess, ma dude. Me and god, we kinda made chicks hot so you could ♥♥♥♥ them, but if you wanna do gay arabs, thats your burden to bear I guess.

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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are

You've owned your car for four years. You named it Brad. You loved Brad and then you totaled him. You two had been through everything together. Two boyfriends, three jobs, you're like, nothing can replace Brad. Then Liberty Mutual calls and you break into your happy dance.

Who are the mythbusters? Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. Between them they have more than 30 years of special effects experience. Joining them: Grant Imahara, tory belleci, and Kari Byron. They don't just tell the myths; they put them to the test.

I'M DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋
██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete.....
████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete....
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███████████] 99% complete.....
🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy😛

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▄░▐░░░▄▄░█░▀▀ U HAVE BEEN BANGED BY THE
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░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄SPOOKY BOOTY BANGER
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░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░▐▌SEND THIS TO 6 PPL OR GET DIAGNOSED AS
HIV-POSITIVE!!!

likes children

I sexually Identify as Tai Lopez. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of driving my Lamborghini up the Hollywood hills. People say to me that a person being Tai Lope is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install 47 fuel units, a Lamborghini and a bookshelf on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Tai Lopez" and respect my right to drive my Lamborghini up the Hollywood hills. If you can't accept me you're a entrepreneurphobe and need to check your entrepreneur privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

+rep

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx